Song Rewrites

by Lee Zion, Dec 12th 1998
Editor's note: These songs get a little raunchy, so parental guidence is suggested!

Akira (sung to the tune of "Maria," from West Side Story)

The most destructive force in the whole wide word
Akira, Akira, Akira, Akira....
Once he appears, everyone's imperil'd
Akira, Akira, Akira,
Akira...
I just met a force named Akira
And suddenly the town
Is crumbling to the ground
ŒRound me...
Akira...
The people are praying to Akira
The prophecy's fulfilled
To bad they'll be killed
Instantly....
Neo-Tokyo gave rise to this young group of rejects
Now there's one biker with a God complex.
I¹ll never get over my fear of
Akira...

Yusaku's Lament (sung to the tune of "Home on the Range")

I live in Maison
Whose prime is long since gone
And the residents all drink and play
Can't study a word
Nearly drives me to murd-
er, but I know I will win someday.

I live in Maison
Where the residents all drink and play
Can't study a word
Nearly drives me to murd-
er, but I know I will win someday.

I then tried to leave
But I fell for the griev-
ing widow, who moved in downstairs
And it's now my fate
To be infatuated
With Maison Ikkoku's concierge

I live in Maison
Where the residents all drink and play
And they sit and conspire
That's the reason that I-r
eally hate them; they get in the way.

There's Yotsuya next door
And he slides cross the floor
To my room, through a hole in the wall.
And Ms. Roppongi
Wears a thin negligee
Which is almost like nothing at all.

I live in Maison....

She laughs like a hyena;
There's nobody meaner
Then Ichinose in Room 1.
And Nikkaido, Room 2,
Is as clueless as u-
sual, with no idea what's going on.

I live in Maison...

And I can't figure how
I got Kozue Nanao
So damn interested in me.
Nor can I see why
I¹ve been targeted by
That possessive schoolgirl, Yagami.

I live in Maison...

Now Kyoko knows
That I cannot propose
Until well after I graduate.
But with Shun hanging round,
I am constantly confound-
ed, and worry kanrinin won¹t wait.

I live in Maison
Where Kyoko and I met that day
And now at the close
Of 96 episodes
My wife is in a family way.

Now, the last song has nothing to do with anime, but hey, it¹s Christmas

Frosty the Snowman (lyrics by LEE ZION! Yay!)

Frosty the Snowman
Was a bastard child, I hear
>From a foster home
For it was well known
That his mom was a glacier.
As for his father,
I have heard it from a friend
Mommy found her bliss
In a late-night tryst
With a traveling salesman.

There must have been some of his
Father's genes in him, you see.
For without them he would not have been
Perambulatory.

Frosty the Snowman
Was alive as he could be
And the children say
He would pass the day
With a young girl on each knee
He had a smile
And a twinkle in his eyes
And he gave the brats
Reassuring pats
On the inside of their thighs.

Folks were dismayed to find out
That he was a pedophile.
But the girl recanted under stress;
The case never came to trial.

Frosty the Snowman
Knew that parents wanted his head.
So he said, "That's it;
Guess I better split
Now before I end up dead."
Traveling to Thailand,
The folks made him welcome there
Now he gets his thrills
Bringing home young girls
To his Bangkok Frigidaire.

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