The List

7 Bits of Sailor Moon Merchandise No One Really Needs

Ever since the Sailor Moon remake was announced way back in 2012 (and subsequently delayed for a year), the series' license holders have dished out more merchandise than you can shake a wand at. Tie-ins like new figures, clothing lines, and even lingerie were brought out for nostalgic fans to buy up. In the midst of all the fervor, a few weird ideas made it past the team and somehow into the Japanese stores for the rest of us to gawk at.

7. Vinyl Soundtrack Vinyl records started seeing a resurgence in the last five years. The format was nearly forgotten after cassette tapes, CDs, and digital music left it obsolete. Still, a small handful of fans attested to vinyl's better sound quality. The Sailor Moon tribute CD's release on vinyl was hoping to appeal to that crowd in a way only a production company targeting otaku knows how: in seven, two-track releases for a total of 8,100 yen.

6. Tissue Box Cover One of the most random products to come out of the woodwork. Dressing up your tissue boxes is up there with lace doily cup coasters. It's not like tissue boxes are particularly ugly, or you need to keep the contents warm for them to work better. The only logic, other than for aesthetic reasons, for buying a plush tissue box cover is for instances when you're so sick you're literally snuggling with the box under your comforter in bed.

5. Tortilla Chips Usagi isn't afraid to let herself snack, but Koike-ya's line of tie-in tortilla chips seems like a missed opportunity. The flavors, while probably tasty in their own right, seem random. Why is Sailor Moon on the front of cream cheese flavored chips? Why is Mercury on the front of Grilled Pork or Mars on Anchovy and Garlic? Wouldn't Rei be better suited for something spicy and Mercury for, say, Cool Ranch?

4. Weird Contacts Unlike other cosplay merchandise, the Sailor Moon contacts aren't supposed to make you look more like the respective characters. Instead, they feature symbols correlating to each Guardian that ensure your eyes will look really creepy. Sailor Moon's are yellow with crescents around the iris, Mercury's are blue bows, Mars' are red stars, Jupiter's are green roses, and Venus sports yellow-orange hearts, which begs the question, are these Sailor Moon contacts or Lucky Charms contacts? If you hunt around for examples of the contacts in use, you'll find that they don't turn out nearly as intense as the product image. Maybe that's for the better?

3. A $3,381 Replica Tiara This Neo-Queen Serenity wedding tiara is a glowing example of the overpriced Sailor Moon jewelry that's come out over the last three years. The piece is neither real gold (simply gold plated), contains no real stones, and in this case the pearls are fake, too. But it's over three grand for what is, essentially, costume jewelry. Swarovski crystals can look great, but they're still made of fancy glass. The price feels more like a call to what the item is supposed to represent, and not its intrinsic value.

2. Mini Doll Food The Sailor Moon Crystal Cafe Sweets Collection is one of those lolita-type items revolving around things that are really small being exponentially cute. The whole thing is odd though because unless you're a dedicated doll person with a space specifically designed to set-up environments, the whole thing looks like more tiny plastic stuff that'll end up behind a bookshelf or in the vacuum. Like all the extra hands and faces that come with Figuarts that get misplaced after you pick the pose and expression you like best.

1. Maxi Pads Character images on products designed to absorb human fluids tops the list as the most unnecessary thing to make it off the design floor. I don't know anyone that would want to bleed on their favorite character. It's up there with tissues covered in Sailor Moon that you're supposed to blow your nose into, or character branding on urinals. The product itself is useful. Menstruation happens, but do we need boxes of Sailor Moon in her speech pose next to an absorbent pad unless what she's selling is going to triumph over cramping?

The new poll: Which Final Fantasy healer character is the best?

The old poll: Last week we asked which character from the Monogatari franchise is your favorite?

1. Hitagi Senjougahara 20.5%
2. Deishū Kaiki 12.8%
3. Shinobu Oshino 12.5%
4. Tsubasa Hanekawa 8.0%
5. Suruga Kanbaru 7.5%
6. Koyomi Araragi 7.3%
7. Mayoi Hachikuji 6.8%
8. Kiss-Shot Acerola-Orion Heart-Under-Blade 5.9%
9. Nadeko Sengoku 5.3%
10. Black Hanekawa 4.5%
11. Karen Araragi 4.1%
12. Meme Oshino 1.7%
13. Tsukihi Araragi 1.5%