Advertorial Monster Musume Voting Results!
by BookWalker (Paid Article),
The votes have been cast, the results tallied. The hackers trying to push Ms. Smith to first place have been detected, captured and handed over to Rachnera for disposal. Yes, the world's most diverse beauty contest, where species is no barrier, is over and the results are here. Over 4,600 of you cast your preferences for serpent's scale, mermaid's tail, harpy's wing or centaur's unfeasibly large… er, hooves.
Monster Musume has a large cast, and pretty much everyone got at least one vote. Actually, half-a-dozen characters tied for the princely ‘one-point’ score, even if only one of those characters was actually in Monster Musume. (That was the elegant snow woman Yukio.) So, a very special thank you to all you voters who put down 'Nami,' 'Natsu Dragneel,' ‘Allen Walker’ or ‘Viktor Nikirov’ (now that's just silly), on the principle that just because these characters weren't in the series, that was no reason for them not to win. (Though the thought of Monster Musume on Ice is tempting…)
Oh, and we're delighted to see “Bicycle Police Officer” was rewarded for his services with two votes. Even in a world of monsters, where scales, slime and feathers are rewriting the Karma Sutra, some people still can't resist a snappy uniform. It's also nice to see parents remembered, with Papi's mum (six votes), Centorea's mum (ten votes) and Miia's mum (23 votes). Maybe there's a spinoff in that, about monster mums. We could call it MMIL- no, maybe not.
Moving higher in the list, the sultry, manipulative Ms. Smith garnered 86 votes. We imagine, though, that she'd be miffed to be beaten by the “Darling” hero Kimihito Kurusu (92 votes). We suspect a sympathy vote. Harem heroes are ten a penny, but few are quite as likely to be drowned, crushed, poisoned or beheaded by the hotties they romp with.
Moving into the list's upper echelons, we have Manako, everyone's famous monocular sniper at 98 votes. However, she's outstripped by some way by her fellow M.O.N. member, Tionishia. At 133 votes, the lovely pinup for ogredom actually ties with the lowest member of the “official” harem, mermaid Meroune.
But the real star of the M.O.N. was Zombina, proving that being dead is no barrier to a lust for life. Beating two of the core harem, Zombina finished a splendid sixth in the overall poll, with 226 votes.
And so to the seductive seven, the monster girls on a flatshare to firm up a boy's shrunken manhood. As noted, two of them placed below Zombina, in seventh and eighth places. Bottom of the list, we're sad to say, was the mucus-covered mermaid Meroune (133 votes). Maybe the damp scared fans off, or fears about what third base is like when your partner's half herring.
In seventh place is Lala (or Lalachan) with a tidy 189 votes. We hope she's happy with that, but if not, she has the option of travelling to Ikebukuro, where headless dullahan get respect; just ask Celty. Above Zombina by more than a hundred votes to take fifth place was Centorea, queen of equine bosoms, with 365 votes.
Papi the harpy swooped in at number four with 428 votes. Then it was a big gap – more than two hundred votes – to the third-placed monster girl. That was the oozing Suu, able to fill the smallest of spaces and the tightest of crevices, with 653 votes. It's hardly surprising that fans appreciated her gloopy substance and multi-functional potential. (And Papi loves Suu too, so she won't be too sad about missing the top trio.)
And so we're down to the final two; both lethally dangerous ladies, demanding to be handled with great care, but offering huge rewards to those brave few who find the right spot. In the end, it was Rachnera, the artisan of bondage, who came second, with a mighty 705 votes. It was a heartening score, for everyone who once looked in the mirror and admitted to themselves that they were turned on by she-spider Shelob in The Return of the King.
But in the end, the voters' choice was clear. A thousand and fifty of you went for Miia, she of the smooth scales, the crushing embrace, the twenty three-foot body and the oh-so-sensitive tail tip. Maybe it was her unembarrassed passion, or her love of squashy snuggles. Maybe it was her heartbreaking vulnerability when she starts shedding scales. Or maybe it was just that hugging pillow.
But not so fast! If you demand a recount, we have the next best thing; the results of a separate polll carried out by the Japanese version of BookWalker. The rankings are fascinatingly different. One-eyed snipers are glorified, Centorea gallops into second place, and hugging pillows are not enough for victory. If you want to celebrate with the alternate poll's winner, then have a good pair of scissors with you and never, ever forget the safeword…
Miia pillow: David Larson
Special Illustration: Sean Pilon
Autographed Vol. 11 Monster Musume manga: Brandon Hall
Autographed Vol. 11 Monster Musume manga: Joshua Z
Autographed Vol. 11 Monster Musume manga: Seth Nathaniel Cain
10,000 JPY to spend on BW: Carlos Delgado
Acrylic Stand: Gravigo Kenji
Acrylic Keychains: Roman Schiffino
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