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Akane the Catgirl
Posts: 1091 Location: LA, Baby! |
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Akane Recaps Sword Butt Online Episode Eleven- DO SOMETHING!
Last time on SAO: Heathcliff: Let's you and me fight. Kirito: Okay. Somewhere at the colosseum... Asuna: You idiot! Kirito: Oh, like you couldn't speak up earlier or something. Asuna: Anyway, did you know that Heathcliff is super awesome? Kirito: More like a super cheater, am I right? Asuna: Just don't lose. Narrator: Our hero faces off against Asuna's boss! Kirito: You're going down. Heathcliff: No, you are. Fighting ensues! Kirito: Ow, I went down. Heathcliff: I win~ Later... Kirito: I look like a dork. Asuna: Yes, you do. Anyway, why don't you want to join guilds? Kirito: Because I was in one once and everyone in it died. Asuna: I thought it was because you were stupid. And weren't you soloing before all that? Kirito: Um...uh...look at the time! Time to go start training! At headquarters... Rider: Let's train! VPD: Hi Kirito. Sorry about my temper tantrum. Kirito: No you aren't. Rider: You two give me your crystals. I mean, what could possibly go wrong? Later... Rider: Lunch break! Kirito: Aw, I wanted a sexy sandwich. Kirito and Rider suddenly drop to the ground. VPD: SURPRISE I DRUGGED YOU. Rider: Wow, I really was an idiot. VPD: MUAHAHAH I'M EVIL! DIE! Rider is killed by VPD. VPD: By the way, I'm actually a Laughing Coffin member. Any last words? Kirito: F**k you, you piece of sh*t. VPD: Huh? What's that! Asuna: Don't touch My Man you b*****d! Asuna cuts up VPD in an awesome manner. VPD: I surrender...NOT. Kirito: Stay away from my waifu! Kirito delivers the final blow. VPD: You're going to be haunted by this, Kirito. Kirito: No I won't. VPD dies. Asuna: Goddamit, I'm filled with so many female emotions! At Asuna's place. Asuna: So anyway, you want to do The Sex? Kirito: Wait, what? Asuna: Female Hysteria Punch! Later... Kirito: You wanna get married? Asuna: Hell yeah! Narrator: And so our hero and heroine are strangled by the red string! Kirito and Asuna: Who said that!? "The Girl of Morning Dew" is just like the eight episode in terms of banality. The first half is mainly just "Kirito and Asuna do couple things", and as already established, there's little reason to care. The second half is just slightly better, if only because there's actual plot in it. Though not much. Let's dive in. *** We open with Asuna and Kirito meeting with Heathcliff over the events of the previous episode. They also tell their leader they want to go on a little vacation, to which the latter inquries why. When Asuna tells him they need time off after Her Man f**king KILLED A GUY (albeit because the other guy was trying to kill him and Asuna), Heathcliff is like "no problem bro". He is then ominous because FORESHADOWING. We then cut to a pristine looking cabin, where Asuna is impressed by the lakeview. Understandable, given that my current apartment overlooks the Mediterranean (I'm glad I'm moving, but DAMN, I'm going to miss that view). Kirito and Asuna are lovey dovey, and normally, I'd like this. I mean, Bryce and Cherami are really selling it. The line about Kirito mentioning that they're broke is delivered great! The real problem here is context. Let's talk about West Side Story for a bit to show you why the romance between Kirito and Asuna doesn't work. 
These two are Tony and Maria. They knew each other for about...a little over twenty-four hours before Tony is shot and killed at the end. And yet, you see the chemistry between the leads. You legitimately believe that these two love and care for each other. They were also likable characters in and of themselves, and you felt a connection between them. With Asuna and Kirito, there's pretty much none of that. They just get together, even after all their bickering and mutual dislike. Kirito is already badly written, and they pretty much spayed Asuna by having her fall in love with him. Hear that, writers? The couple that were only together for a day is more believable than the duo that's been together for MONTHS. Anyway, Kirito then starts philosophizing about whether or not their relationship is real. Asuna doesn't give a sh*t about that, stating that her feelings for Kirito are genuine. Hey, look, another interesting thematic idea that this show is never going to explore! And considering they their avatars match their physical appearance because of the still-unexplained mirror item, this just strikes me as stupid. Then they embrace and cue opening credits. We cut to early morning, where Asuna lies in bed and describes Kirito as "brash and impulsive, but he can be naive, too" (the word I'd use is "stupid", but okay). Asuna then briefly panics and wonders if Kirito is younger than her, to which I say if he hasn't told you already, then maybe your relationship isn't as close as you think it is. Asuna then embraces Her Man and declares her love for him again, but as he wakes up, she suddenly jerks back Because Waifu Must Be Pure. Kirito, of course, hasn't heard Asuna's declaration of wub, and this confuses me because aren't they already in a relationship? Yes, I know the Japanese are much more conservative about showing their love, but come on now. The two then talk about going out and having fun, and this is where I shout out YOU TWO HAVE BARELY DONE ANYTHING TOGETHER EXCEPT WORK AND DECLARING YOUR WUB. Seriously, they've barely done anything that makes me care about them as a couple! *ahem* We then cut to our heroes on a date. While walking to their destination, Asuna asks Kirito to give her a piggyback ride. Kirito wonders if she's a little too old (I see the writers haven't been on Tumblr), but he relents and lets Asuna up on his shoulders. They even walk past the lake and since this is so trite and banal, I'll talk about something else! You know, I recently saw Ed Wood, and it's now one of my favorite movies ever! The lead is likable, the film is edited wonderfully, and... ...What's that? Finish the episode? But nothing's happening! *sigh* If you insist. 
[I'll be back, my darling Ed.] So after that bit of nothing, we cut to Kirito and Asuna further into the woods. The former exposits about a rumor that deep in the forest, the ghosts of "tortured monsters" wander about during the night. Turns out one of the players spotted a creepy white figure, and suddenly, Asuna sees the "ghost" herself. I would complain, but Episode Six established that ghosts exist in-universe. Asuna, being the Good Little Wimmins she is, freaks the f**k out and hides behind Her Man. Kirito sees the "ghost", and is also on edge. Suddenly, the spirit collapses, and he rushes over to it. Or rather, her. It's actually a little girl in a white dress. 
This is Yui, voiced by Stephanie Sheh. Yui is...cute, I guess. So far, she's just your standard Mysterious Waif. Also, WORLD'S MOST REDUNDANT SPOILER! She's actually a robot. END WORLD'S MOST REDUNDANT SPOILER. Anyhoo, our heroes realize something's up with the girl, but they dismiss her lack of cursor as a "glitch". They decide to take her back to their home, and the two deduce that Yui can't be an NPC or quest giver. They briefly fret over her, then we cut to later that night, when Asuna wakes up and goes to check on Yui. She wonders whether the little girl has family in SAO, and here's another bit of fridge horror I wish the show expanded on more; there are players out there who haven't even hit double digits. That's f**king terrifying, especially if you have children or younger siblings. The next morning, Asuna awakens to the sight of Yui making doe eyes at her. Turns out that the waif has amnesia, and can only remember what her name is. She takes a shine to our heroes, whom she refers to as her mommy and daddy, since she can't pronounce their names. Look, Show, I don't have a problem with cute! Lots of characters I love can be considered adorable! But you need to give me something other than "cute" to really have investment in a character. Anyway, we then cut to Asuna serving some sandwiches for Her Man and pie for Yui. The child, however, is more interested in Kirito's food. He warns her about it being spicy, but she insists. She likes it, and there's more prattle about not overdoing it from Asuna. 
Seriously, this is Episode Eight levels of nothing interesting happening! Anyway, we cut to Yui asleep, mimicking me when I watch these parts. Our heroes discuss Yui's amnesia, and Asuna is overcome with female hysteria over the sorry state of affairs. After Kirito comforts her, they decide to go back to The Town of Beginnings, and that Yui will be fine. Asuna, you barely knew her for a day! You're being a bit melodramatic. We cut to our heroes teleporting to The Town of Beginnings, and we flashback to the very first episode (aw, memories). Kirito and Asuna head to the marketplace, and it's here that we learn that forty percent of the players have died since the hostage situation first started. Of course, they reason we get this is because it turns out that one third of the remaining players live on the first floor, and the town seems to be a bit quieter than usual. Suddenly, they hear the screams of Erika Harlacher! Yup, we've gone from moe slice-of-life to Robin Hood and His Merry Men pretty quickly. Some of the knights from General Stupidity's guild are bullying Erika Harlacher and some children under her care into handing over taxes. Before she can do anything, our heroes run in to save the day! Well, finally, something exciting! Anyway, the knights are perplexed at the sight of Kirito and Asuna, and think they're just newbies. Asuna manages to regain some of her awesomeness and draws her sword at the leader of the guild. She then shows him who's boss, and all the knights run away with their tails between their legs. Okay, why? It would have made more sense if Kirito and Erika Harlacher joined her, but they don't. The children are amazed by this nonsense, and Erika Harlacher thanks Asuna for her help. Kirito tells Yui about Asuna's brief awesomeness, and then, the Mysterious Waif part of Yui kicks in! She cryptically mumbles about "everyone's hearts", and how she was never there. I will give credit that the moment when Yui gains her memories is creepy as hell, especially with the audio glitching. The episode ends with Yui freaking out, and our heroes trying to comfort her. *** Well, that was less exciting than I thought it would be. Most of this episode is consisted either of A) Asuna and Kirito doing domestic things and B) set-up for coming episodes. If you're not invested in our heroes' romance (I'm not!), you're going to be really, really bored throughout most of the episode. At least the climax is promising some actual entertainment in the next few episodes. Just three more until the end of Aincrad! NEXT TIME: Akane Analyzes TBD- ??? Akane Recaps SBO Episode 12- 7/16 |
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Beltane70
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I hope that you don't hold being a Macross fan against me!
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Akane the Catgirl
Posts: 1091 Location: LA, Baby! |
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Of course not, Beltane! You're my friend! I can never do something like that!
One day, in a few years, I might take a peek at the original Macross, especially considering that almost all the other series are covered in legal tape. I heard you can write entire books about the fiasco behind the licensing, similar to the behind-the-scenes issues in Code Geass. |
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nobahn
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Akane–
If you do decide to do some sort of analysis of FMA:B, then I recommend skipping the 1st 12 (or 13 – I forget the exact number) episodes. The 1st episode is filler – meh – and the rest of the 11/12 episodes cover the material in a perfunctory sort of way. It was almost as though the director wanted to get to the point where the 1st FMA decisively cut ties with the manga as quickly as possible. |
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Akane the Catgirl
Posts: 1091 Location: LA, Baby! |
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Akane Recaps Sword Butt Online Episode Twelve- Woobie-Bot
Last time on SAO: Asuna: So, anyway, can we have some time off after what happened recently? Heathcliff: Sure. At a beautiful lake! Asuna: OMG this is the best! Kirito: Hey, Asuna, is our relationship real? Asuna: Yes. Kirito: ...okay. Narrator: The next morning! Asuna: Oh f**k I might be a pedophile. Narrator: No you aren't. Asuna: Who are you!? Kirito: 'Morning Asuna. Wanna have fun? Asuna: Okay. Kirito and Asuna: We're in love! Narrator: Sometime later... Kirito: Hey, did you know there's a ghost around here? Asuna: OH SH*T A GHOST. Kirito: Wait, that's not a ghost! It's a little girl! Later... Asuna: Let's keep her. Kirito: Asuna, she's not a stray pet. She's a human being like us. Right? Narrator: The next morning... Asuna: Kirito, wake up! The little girl's looking at me strange! Kirito: Doe eyes. It's called doe eyes. Yui: I'm Yui. Are you my mommy and daddy? Asuna: Um...yeah! Yeah we are! Later... Yui: Mommy, Daddy's making funny noises with his sandwich. Kirito: YAAAAS, AAAAAAAAHHH. Yui: Can I have what he's having? Asuna: Oh my god. Even later... Asuna: Poor Yui! My female emotions are making me hysterical! Kirito: She'll be fine, honey. We'll find her real parents. The next day! Asuna: It's quiet...too quiet. Erika Harlacher: HELP ME! Knights: Give us your taxes, Erika Harlacher, or the children get it! Asuna: Not if I have anything to say about it! Knights: RUUUUN! Children: Thanks for saving us! Asuna: No probs! Kirito: See Yui, your mom is super awesome! Yui: I REMEMBER EVERYTHING! NOOOOO! Kirito and Asuna: F**k. Well, here's something I never thought I'd say; "Yui's Heart" was a good episode. 
[Yes, I'm surprised too.] Does it have problems? Of course it does. Every episode of this tripe has had issues from the very beginning. But this? When this episode is good, it's GOOD. I attribute all of this episode's quality to a single factor- Yui. Yep, the titular Woobie-Bot saved the episode. What do I mean? Let's dig in. *** Our episode begins by fixing a complaint I made last episode; they do, in fact, expand on the fridge horror of having young children in SAO. In fact, we open on an entire room of little kids having lunch. Even our heroes are shocked at how many of them there are. Kudos, Show. You actually impressed me. 
[I'm still watching you, though.] Erika Harlacher, of course, is used to this. She asks our heroes if Yui got better from the previous day's freak-out, to which Kirito states he thinks she is. Asuna explains Yui's situation and is interrupted by her not-daughter giving her bread, and honestly, it's cute. Even after the official spaying of Asuna, there's still glimpses of her old character. Turns out that no, Erika Harlacher hasn't seen Yui around town. In fact, she's been spending the past two years finding and looking after the children who were taken hostage, and Yui was not one of them. Suddenly, our heroes are interrupted by a knock on the door. It's Yulier, voiced by the awesome Amanda C. Miller. Yulier, surprisingly, isn't mad about the incident between members of her guild and Asuna. Rather, she's grateful for her good deed. Actually, she wants our heroes to help her with a little something. That little something being rescuing her hasubando. More specifically, Yulier wants Kirito and Asuna to help her rescue her guild leader, Thinker. See, the two of them were forced to watch as their noble group became corrupt. Kirito recognizes the name of one particularly powerful leader named Kibaou (the angry spiky-haired guy from Episode Two), who has ironically become the very monster he accused Beta Testers of being. Of course, his actions p****d off a lot of people, and so to get back in the higher-up's good graces, he sent his best men to the front lines. One of them was General Stupidity, as we learn here. After that particular disaster, the guild considered firing Kibaou. However, the angry one retaliated by attempting to off Thinker. Now Yulier's hasubando is stranded in a dungeon with no way out and no weapons to defend himself with. Worse, it's a higher-level dungeon, and Yulier can't do this by herself. Since nobody else from her guild can help her, she's come to our heroes for assistance. Kirito and Asuna are unsure of whether or not they can trust Yulier, but Yui assures them that it's cool, yo. I will give credit that we get some good foreshadowing in regards to Yui's nature as an A.I. here. Kirito is convinced, and he's able to charm Asuna into listening to Yui. Yulier cries and thanks our heroes, and Yui insists on coming along on the rescue mission. We then cut to our heroes wandering the dungeons in search of Thinker. They eventually reach the entrance to where Yulier's leader is trapped, but Yui isn't deterred! Asuna comments on how much tougher Yui is than she looks (OH BOY), and Kirito states that she'll be a fine swordswoman one day (YUP). They eventually encounter some frog monsters, and Kirito, being The Man of the group, takes them all down by himself, with Yui cheering him on. After some chatter between the ladies on Thinker's location, Kirito comes back with some raw frog's legs. Komedy ensues as Asuna freaks out and throws it all away. However, at least something good came from this, as Yui notes that Yulier is smiling for the first time since they met. And...it's really, really, really cute. It's only going to get better, folks. 
[Not this, though. This is just unfunny.] Some time later, our heroes finally reach the safe zone where Thinker (played by some guy they got) is hiding out. Yulier, overcome with Female Hysteria, runs towards him, triggering a trap. Kirito is able to save her from A F**KING HUGE SCYTHE, and Asuna has just enough time to get Yulier and Yui over to the safe zone. The scythe itself belongs to a Grim Reaper-esque boss. Kirito urges Asuna to get the f**k out of there, since there's no way to tell how powerful the boss is. Asuna, however, still has somewhat of a spine and refuses, instead telling Yulier to take Yui and Thinker and get out while they can. Of course, the boss manage to kick Kirito and Asuna's butts, sending them flying with significant hits to their HPs. And then...this happens. 
[F**king. Bad*ss.] Yui steps in, reveals that she's an immortal object to her adoptive parents, then proceeds to slay the boss like the motherf**ker she is. This is pure awesome. Not only that, but we find out in a few minutes that this action leads to her deletion/DEATH. This character was willing to sacrifice her own existence to protect the people she loved. That's amazing. Yui reveals that she's regained her memories, then, after heading to the safe zone, proceeds to pronounce their names correctly. Yui then explains that all of SAO is controlled by a self-sufficient system called Cardinal, and that she herself is a part of Cardinal, created to look after the psychological health of the players. She was given the ability to empathize, and she laments about her lack of existence NO, YUI, YOU ARE REAL, DAMMIT. There is a reason I refer to her as the Woobie-Bot. Yui is easily one of the best one-shot characters in this narrative. Silica? Cute, but ultimately pointless in the long-term. Lisbeth? Amazing, but still wasn't enough to save her focus episode. Yui, though? She f**king rescued this episode, and part of it is how sympathetic she is. Doesn't hurt that Stephanie Sheh's performance hits it out of the ballpark. Yui's backstory, as we learn, is utterly HORRIFIC. On opening day, she was banned by the Cardinal from interacting with the players. She was forced to watch as the people she was supposed to care for were killed, went mad, or were driven to suicide by their circumstances. As time went by, Yui eventually began to lose all sense of herself, including memories. Of course, the reasons for how she found Kirito and Asuna are stupid (because Stu), but it doesn't really change how likable this character is. Kirito reassures his not-daughter that she's indeed real, and asks what she wants. Yui, of course, desires nothing more than to be with her adoptive parents (hey, they're better than Kayaba), but knows this can't be. Now that she's defied her programming, she's going to be purged from the system and killed. I will say that her death scene is the ONLY one in this series that's worked so far, and I actually felt moved by this. Kirito is enraged by this, and attempts to hack Cardinal in an attempt to bring back Yui. Of course, he fails, but it wasn't all for nothing! For you see, he managed to retrieve a small object from the Cardinal. It's Yui's Heart. 
If I have to give my thoughts on this, all I can say is it would have been better if Yui was permanently dead. It would have made all this a lot more effective. Anyhoo, we cut to our heroes saying goodbye to the children, Yulier, Thinker, and Erika Harlacher. Asuna wonders what's going to happen to Yui after the game is cleared, but Kirito tells her that Yui is safe in his NerveGear. The episode ends with our heroes heading towards the Grand Finale of Aincrad, and Yui's spirit wishing her parents good luck. *** This was...good! This is easily the best episode the series has to offer. Sure, it had flaws, but so did every previous episode I covered here. I would have liked it more if Yui was Killed Off For Real, but at this rate, I've learned to set my standards low in regards to this series. Still, it was good for what we got, and if everything that came before was as good as "Yui's Heart", this series would have been a lot better. We're almost to the finish line, folks! NEXT TIME: Akane Recaps Sword Butt Online Episode Thirteen- 7/20 Akane Analyzes The Works of Kiyohiko Azuma (A Feminist Perspective)- ??? *** Hey y'all. So, here's a brief look at what's to come. I'm going to be moving in less than three weeks, and I'll be in a hotel for the next two weeks after that. What does this mean? First of all, I'm going to try to get my recaps of SBO's Aincrad arc finished, then get my first Ouran recaps out. I'll try to get out as much as I can after I arrive in the States, but don't expect too much content. Thank you for your patience, and I'll see you soon! Later! |
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Akane the Catgirl
Posts: 1091 Location: LA, Baby! |
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Akane Recaps Sword Butt Online Episode Thirteen- Stay in the Kitchen
Last time on SAO: Asuna: Wow, Erika Harlacher, those are a lot of kids you have there. Erika Harlacher: What can I say? Some people just ignore the age rating on the box. Asuna: I know, right? Kirito: Anyway, Erika Harlacher, have you seen Yui's folks around here? Erika Harlacher: Ummmm...no. Ding dong! Yulier: Hi, I'm here to ask you if you can do me a solid. One explanation later... Yulier: So, yeah, thanks for putting those a**holes in their place. Kirito: That's all fine and dandy, but why are you here? Yulier: My hasubando's in trouble, and my group's kind of awful. You guys can help me, right? Kirito: Hey, it says here there's this angry spiky-haired guy who's been all corrupt and stuff. I know him, that can't be! That's that little guy who spoke to me. Asuna: For the love of God, Kirito, you can wax lyrical when we get out. Kirito: Say, is that particular plot point going to be resolved in any way whatsoever? Yulier: Probably not. Yui: I think you should help her, guys. She's cool with me. Narrator: Wow, this dungeon is kind of creepy... Our heroes: Dungeon crawling! Kirito: I'll take care of these monsters! Yulier: Wait, how come you aren't doing any fighting, Asuna? Asuna: I'm a woman. I only fight if there's no men to do it for me. Yulier: Ah, that makes sense. Kirito: Who wants frog's legs!? Asuna: F**K NO. Yulier: Holy sh*t it's my hasubando! MY FEMALE EMOTIONS ARE TAKING OVER! Kirito: GODDAMMIT. The boss appears! Asuna: Get out of here! Kirito and I can handle it! The boss swats them across the room. Asuna and Kirito: Ow. Yui: Don't worry, guys. I'll take care of this. Yui defeats the boss and is awesome. Narrator: In the safe zone! Yui: By the way, I'm actually a therapist droid. I don't actually exist in reality. Asuna: Yes you do. Yui: Also, I may have gone insane from the loneliness and watching a lot of people die and go crazy. Kirito: Oh God that's awful. Yui: Oh, and because I rebelled the system, I'm going to die. So...see ya, Mom and Dad. Yui disappears. Kirito: Well, f**k that! GIVE HER BACK, KAYABA! Asuna: Hey, is that Yui's heart? Kirito: So it is. Later... Asuna and Kirito: Bye everyone. Everyone else and Erika Harlacher: Bye. Kirito: Let's finish this arc! I don't really know what to think about "The Edge of Hell's Abyss". On the one hand, the battle scene was very effective in terms of mood and animation. On the other, a good chunk of the episode was mainly the same brand of filler we've seen before, but more tolerable than the previous fluff. At least there's only one more episode of this before I can take a temporary break and start recapping Ouran. *** We open on our hero going fishing by himself, and not being particularly good at it. Suddenly, an old man by the name of Nishida (voiced by Doug Stone) joins him. If I had to give my honest thoughts, I actually like this little sequence. There's surprisingly a lot of heart and tenderness to this small moment, and I would have liked it if there were more things like this in the show. Anyway, Nishida reveals that he used to work at the company that was supposed to be in charge of SAO's security. Nishida then reveals that he's pretty talented at the fishing mini-game, though not so much at cooking because Men Don't Do That. As soon as he mentions soy sauce, Kirito remembers that his waifu can cook. Nishida is shocked, and cue opening credits. We then cut to Kirito and Asuna's place, where they and Nishida are just finishing up dinner. The old man is impressed by Asuna's cooking, and then she in turn asks him about his fishing skills. Turns out that there's only one real fishing spot that's difficult, and that was the lake Kirito was at earlier. Oh, and there's a really huge fish Nishida wants to catch. Yup, the first half of this episode...is about a f**king fish. 
Show, no language on Earth has a word for how little I care. A quantum supercomputer calculating for a thousand years could not even APPROACH the number of f**ks I do not give. Oh well. At least it's more entertaining than the time it was about a f**king rabbit. That night, Kirito wonders just how the hell he's going to be able to do a switch move in a fishing mini-game. Asuna states that he'll figure it out (and I say through the power of Mary Suedom). After some more chatter about the upcoming fishing trip, Asuna brings up how people are just living normal lives in SAO, and how it's up to them to save them all. Alright, Show, stop dangling this interesting thematic threads in front of me. It's getting annoying. The next morning, it appears that EVERYONE has come to watch Kirito and Nishida catch The Big One. Apparently, the fish is so freaking huge that they need to use a lizard the size of a breadloaf as bait. Asuna is Womanly and holds back tears while Kirito looks on in disbelief. And then everyone plays the waiting game, until suddenly, Kirito sees a tug. Nishida, however, chooses not to reel in until the tightest of tugs, and we get a hilarious view of Kirito struggling to hold onto the pole. Sure enough, the fish is a whopper, looking like a mix between a mudskipper and a koi. Understandably, nearly everyone freaks out at the behemoth Kaiju. However, Asuna manages to regain her awesomeness so she can slay the fish. Just as everyone is celebrating, Kirito suddenly gets a message from Heathcliff, meaning playtime is over. Back at the cabin, Kirito whines about how he has to go back to work. Asuna is able to get him to leave, and the two say their goodbyes to Nishida. They all reminisce about how used they've gotten to living in SAO, and it's actually pretty nice. Except for one thing. When Asuna gets to the part about how she first bonded with Kirito in Episode Five, and then says that the reason she's even here was to meet Her Man...nope. This is sexist. No. No. NO. Anyhoo, our heroes leave for headquarters, where they find out that a recon team for the boss is dead. More specifically, half of the team they sent was wiped out in mere minutes. Heathcliff plans to make escaping the game their number one priority, but Kirito doesn't want his Waifu in the front lines. You know, this reminds me of something; when it comes to the boss fights, everyone fighting, with the exception of Asuna, is male. It's almost like women don't do battle in this universe! We cut to three hours before the fight, where Kirito asks Asuna if she can stay out of the fight. Asuna doesn't like this, and then, I kid you not, she says she'll kill herself if he dies. After stating how they don't give a flying f**k about the real world and that only the other matters, Asuna brings up how a few weeks after the game started, some members went offline for a few hours. She guesses that this means they were being moved to hospitals, and they'll be fine. 
After that, we cut to the meeting place, where it turns out that KLEEEEEEEIN and Agil are joining the mission group. They talk for a bit before Heathcliff and Friends join the party, and then everyone heads to the boss fight. The leader then outlines their strategy and rallys the troops! There's some nice moments where everyone reassures each other that all will be well, we'll be there for you, that sort of things. Then... I'm going to give this show a lot of credit in establishing the mood. The soldiers run into a dark, wide space. The doors close behind them and disappear. There's no music. All we can hear is the sound of...something crawling around. It's just tense, guys. And that's when they see it. 
[AAAAAAAND half of you just wet yourselves, didn't ya?] Yep, that CGI monstrosity manages to kill two players in seconds, and with one swipe of the arm to boot. The rest of the episode is just this action scene, and it's really awesome. You get this real sense of hopelessness, watching as this thing kills so many players. Everyone is working together to beat the boss, and you get to see everyone stand out. We end on a shot of Kirito and Asuna just about to deliver a strike. *** Well...I still don't know how to feel about this episode. I guess it was...fine? Don't get me wrong, there were a lot of problems. But they were just more of the same I've been pointing out since I began this recap. Well...never mind. One more episode, guys! ONE MORE! NEXT TIME: Akane Recaps Sword Butt Online Episode 14- Sometime around 7/23 Akane Analyzes Kiyohiko Azuma and Feminism- ??? |
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Gina Szanboti
Posts: 11340 |
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I didn't think that was sexist. She was just opining about fate, like saying "The reason I got up early to go to work today was so I'd be there to save that kid from getting run over by the bus." Now if she'd said she only started playing the game to find a husbando, like going to college for her MRS degree, that would be sexist.
As far as I can tell, women don't exist in this universe, at least not without a direct connection to Kirito as either part of his harem or in need of being rescued. Asuna was the only woman at the fishing event too. When they meet up with Klein in the town square, there's one side character who might be female, but since we only see the back, it's probably a guy with a pony tail and elephant bells. |
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Akane the Catgirl
Posts: 1091 Location: LA, Baby! |
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@ Gina Szanboti
Thanks for your comments! Now, normally, I can see where you're coming from. I wouldn't have had an issue with that particular moment...if not for what came before. Remember, Asuna is now Kirito's Waifu. She now has no life or aspirations outside of Her Man. Kirito is the Earth, and she is the moon. That's why I considered that moment to be sexist, even if it was meant to be innocuous. |
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louis6578
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I completely disagree. You should analyze the differences. |
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Akane the Catgirl
Posts: 1091 Location: LA, Baby! |
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Akane Recaps Sword Butt Online Episode Fourteen- You Tried
Last time on SAO: Kirito: La di da, going fishing... Nishida: Hey there, young man! Kirito: Gah! Nishida: Sorry 'bout that. You know, I used to be head of network security for this game. Kirito: Neat! Say, you're pretty good at the fishing game! Nishida: Thanks, kiddo. If only I could cook my catches myself. Kirito: Why not? Nishida: I'm a man. We don't do that. Kirito: Well, I happen to know a certain lady friend who could help... Narrator: Later! Nishida: Thanks for the meal! Anyway, wanna help me catch The Big One? Asuna: F**K YEAH! That night... Kirito: Goddamit, Asuna, thanks for nothing. Asuna: No problem! Anyway, I wanted to remind you that we're heroes. Kirito: Um...thanks? The next day... Everyone: Let's go fishing! Kirito: How big is this fish, anyway? Asuna: Big enough to use a lizard, methinks. Nishida: Alright, we got The Big One! Kirito, Switch! Kirito: F**K YOU ASUNA! The Big One appears! The Big One: Roooooooar! Asuna: No biggie. I can handle this! Asuna defeats The Big One. Everyone: Hooray! Kirito: Huh? A message from Heathcliff? "Playtime's over. Get your butts back here." Narrator: Back at the cabin! Kirito: But I don't wanna gooooo. Asuna: Too bad. Somewhere in the fields... Nishida: Anyway, thanks for your time, kids. Asuna: No probs. By the way, I'm Kirito's Waifu and thus have no life outside of him. At headquarters! Heathcliff: So, yeah, a lot of people died on the recon trip. Kirito and Asuna: Holy sh*t. Kirito: Well, we can't have Asuna fighting. This is a game which mucks around with women and children. Sometime before the boss battle... Asuna: Yeah...no. I'm going with you. If you die, I kill myself. Kirito: But don't you have family and friends? Asuna: Silly Kirito. My life revolves around you now. Kirito: Okay? Asuna: By the way, remember how a few weeks after the game started, a lot of people went offline? Kirito: Why? Asuna: They must have been moved to hospitals! We're going to be okay! Kirito: Wait wait wait stop. Weeks? Don't you mean hours? Asuna: You're...right. Huh? I think I need to get my script checked. At the meeting place! Klein: What's up, dude and dudette? Agil: Nice to see you again! Heathcliff: Alright, everyone, LET'S KILL THIS B***H! Everyone goes to the boss fight. Kirito: Okay, I'm feeling a bit creeped out. The boss appears and kills a lot of people. Heathcliff: We can't give up now! FIIIIIIGHT! "The End of the World" is...okayish. As in, if this show had actual good planning? If it had well-written characters? If everything that had come before this episode was compelling? Then this would have been a great finale. However, this show does not have good writing or plotting, and so I am left feeling empty. Anyway, let's finish this. *** The last episode of the Aincrad arc picks up from the previous one, where we see lots of redshirts being pummeled by the Skeletal Centipede. Before they know it, the boss had been defeated. However, the victory had been phyrric, what with a lot of people having been killed and all. With fourteen players killed and twenty-five floors left, team morale runs low. Suddenly, Kirito realizes something. We flashback to the moment that Heathcliff defeated our hero in battle, and we watch as Kirito puts two and two together. He gets out his sword, speeds towards Heathcliff, then prepares to strike. However, like with Yui, it is revealed that he is an immortal object. Personally, I would have liked it if our main character used his wits rather than his strength to out Kayaba. For example, ask him a question that only the Gamemaster would have the answer for. Bring up a topic that Heathcliff couldn't possibly know about. Anything else besides attack attack attack. Anyhoo, everyone is shocked by the revelation that their commander has a case of Can't Die Ever Syndrome. Kirito then explains how he came to his conclusion, and, to be fair, there was a minor running thread about the search for Kayaba. Oh, and here's a lovely little line from our white bread hero on why Kayaba would join in as a player: "There's nothing more boring than watching someone else play an RPG." 
[Really, now?] When Kirito addresses Kayaba by name, the captain inquires as to how he figured out his true identity. (Answer: Stu Powers). Our hero brings up that Kayaba's speed during the fight was too fast for a normal player, and Kayaba confirms that yeah, he cheated 'cause he's the Gamemaster. Oh, and he's the final boss of SAO. Kayaba compliments on Kirito's sooper speshul dual wielding (fun fact: we never find out how he got it) One warrior attempts to kill Kayaba, but he in turn manages to paralyze him, as well as almost everyone else. However, because fair is fair, he's not going to kill them. Instead, he'll head on up to the top floor and chill out until his former guild gets there. Buuuuuut if Kirito really wants to, he can battle Kayaba right now, and if our hero wins, everyone can go back to the real world. Asuna feebly attempts to dissuade Kirito from fighting the Gamemaster, but Kirito refuses to listen. He remembers everyone who died, including that blue-haired guy from Episode Two...and Sachi the fridged woman...and that guy...and that other guy. See, Show, this doesn't really have any impact because nobody cares about most of the people who died. If you'd actually bothered to spend any time developing them, then we'd give a damn. But we don't. Kirito accepts Kayaba's challenge, and Asuna tells him to try not to die, that would really ruin her day. Admist everyone else's protestations, our hero steps forward for one last duel. Kirito gives his thanks and apologies towards Agil and Klein respectively, then asks Kayaba if in case he does, don't let Asuna kill herself. (They WERE serious. Uuuuugh.) With Kayaba turning off his immortality, the two prepare to duke it. And THEN Kirito states his full intention to kill Kayaba during the duel. Um... 
And so the battle begins, and once again, A-1 Pictures provides a very pretty looking fight scene. However, in spite of Kirito's Stu Powers, he still can't beat the resident cheater cheater pumpkin eater, and one of his swords shatters. But just as it looks as if Kayaba's going to slash Kirito into itty bitty pieces, a certain redhead jumps in front of our hero and takes the blow. Yep, Asuna is killed, dying in Kirito's arms with an apology. ...WHY!? How the f**k was she able to do that!? She should be paralyzed right now! Even Kayaba- f**king KAYABA- points out how much of an a**pull this is! How the hell could she get up!? It makes no sense! IT MAKES NO SEN- 
Sorry 'bout that folks. Now that Ben, Jerry, and Joe have helped me calm down, I can get back to recapping this. Anyway, positives...positives. Ah, here's one. Bryce Papenbrook is really, really good in the scene after Asuna dies. You really can feel the despair in the few quiet sobs he has. Anyway, Kirito gets back up, weakly swinging at Kayaba. The Gamemaster takes advantage of our hero's grief by plunging his big fat sword right through his midsection. Kirito numbly stands there, watching as his HP slowly, slowly depletes. And then he dies. ...ha ha nope. Instead, just before he can kick the bucket, Kirito uses his Heroic Willpower to return the favor, sticking his own blade into Kayaba. The two vanish into sparkles, but they're not dead. Instead, we watch in an admittedly beautiful sequence as the sparks fly over Aincrad to the top floor, and every character who survived watches in awe. The scene ends with an announcement that the game had been cleared. We then cut to Kirito opening his eyes, only to see that he is above the clouds. As he wonders where he is and before he can ponder if he is dead or not, a familiar voice calls his name. It's Asuna, because as his Waifu, she is just as immortal as him. The two embrace, and both realize that they're high above the now decaying Aincrad. Suddenly, they hear a third voice commenting on the view. Kayaba then mentions that SAO is being deleted as they speak. In ten minutes, it'll all be gone for good. Fortunately, everyone who survived will be able to go back. When Kirito asks about all the players who died, Kayaba states that sorry, dude. Anyone who was killed in the game is dead for real. So... 
[I don't have any other reason why not to bring this meme up.] So Kirito asks Kayaba why the f**k he did any of this hostage stuff to begin with. How does Kayaba respond? By saying he doesn't remember, then talking about how he wanted to bring Aincrad to life since he first came up with the idea. So let me get this straight. You're not going to answer his actual question. You're just going to talk about why you made SAO. Yup, this is just one big handwave so that the story doesn't have to go into Kayaba's background. Once again, this narrative has a talent for taking good concepts and ideas and just throwing them out with the garbage. Yay. Kayaba congratulates our heroes on clearing the game, then disappears along with the rest of the game. Kirito and Asuna kiss once more, realizing they have only minutes left together before it's time to leave. It is here that we learn that Kirito's real name is Kazuto Kirigaya (still gonna call him Kirito), and he's sixteen, while Asuna's last name is Yuuki and she's seventeen. The two then cry and hold onto each other for the last time as the world around them fades away. As cliche as it is to have the characters reduced to pencil sketches in moments like these, I've always had a fondness for this technique. We then cut to Kirito opening his eyes- his real eyes- to an unfamiliar ceiling. His arms are weak and bony, and as he remembers his waifu, our hero cries. Okay, so I like how the story took into consideration that, you know, being in a coma for two years can really f**k up your body. At the same time, though, it feels half-a**ed. Like, yeah, his hair's grown out and his general health is awful, but Kirito shouldn't be able to walk at all. And here's another question; why the hell is nobody with Kirito!? His family, I can let slide because it might not be visiting hours. But what about the nurses? Shouldn't there be one on standby!? Alright, alright. We end the Aincrad arc with Kirito struggling to hold onto his IV stand, wandering the hallways in an attempt to see if Asuna is there. *** Final thoughts? Let's start with the story and plot. And to that, I ask WHAT PLOT? There was no definitive plot in this. There were plotlets, but overall arc? None. It was just Character A does this, then Character B does that. That's it. I can remove references to dates and switch a few of the episodes around, and I highly doubt anyone would notice. Thematic wise, there were a few good ideas bouncing around in there. We could have gotten this exploration on why people would want to escape to Aincrad. But nope, it was just "let's watch White Bread do awesome things". And that leads nicely into my next complaint- Kirito. Kirito has no consistent personality. Even his annoyingness depends on where in the show you are, with Episode Seven being where he's at his most intolerable. We also never find out what his motivation is for doing anything he does. Yes, we know his goal is to get out, but why? Is it for his family? If it was, why does he barely think about them? If it was for the sake of others, then it should have been made clear at some point. Worst of all, Kirito doesn't have a real character arc or even flaws that matter. He's a bland cipher who is awesome at the beginning, and he's a bland cipher who is awesome at the end. Kirito never changes, nor does he ever suffer any consequences that mean anything. Asuna was a character who should have been a lot better. She started out with the potential to be one of the best female leads anime had to offer. Then the story decided to make her Kirito's girlfriend, and that's when she stops being awesome and instead ends up as a satellite love interest, even to the point where Kirito's Stuness begins to rub off on her. Kayaba is woefully underused. We never find out his backstory or even why he did anything he does. He's just evil Because. Sure, they try to give him some depth, but it's too little to make anyone really care because he was barely in the show. The other supporting characters are either wasted, underdevloped, or completely superfluous. Tell me, why does Silica exist? To show that Kirito is good with Wimmins, but other than that, her and her focus episode are pointless and should have been cut completely. Klein and Lisbeth are likable enough, but I would have liked to see them more beyond them just being there in the background. The Black Cats in Episode Three are wastes of perfectly good characters, as only two of them receive any real development, and the other three are group filler. If there is anything I liked though, it was the production values. A-1 Pictures is really good at animating, and I can easily point to any episode and say there was a sequence that was well put together. The voice acting is good all around, at least in English, with Bryce Papenbrook and Cherami Leigh being the big standouts. Music-wise, this really isn't one of Yuki Kajiura's better scores, but there are a few singles I liked, such as "luminous sword", "we have to defeat it", and the fan-favorite "swordland". It works fine, but other than the three titles I mentioned, there really isn't anything that stands alone. I guess you can say my number one feeling toward this show is...disappointment. I wanted this to be better. I wanted this to be GOOD. There really are things to like about this anime, but to put it simply? The sum of the whole is less than its parts. All I can say now is this: 
Now, before I can take a month-long break from this, I will say the following. If you like Sword Art Online (and I do know people who do), great. Wonderful. I really do understand why you like the show. Just don't bother trying to convince me it's good, because I just spent the last almost two months explaining why no, it really isn't. NEXT TIME: Akane Recaps Ouran Episode One- Sometime before 8/2 Akane Analyzes Kiyohiko Azuma- Sometime Before 8/2 |
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Akane the Catgirl
Posts: 1091 Location: LA, Baby! |
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Due to events beyond my control, I will not be able to post anything from either of my ongoing series before we fly to The States. I apologize if I've worried any of you, and I promise that I'll try to get in a few Ouran posts while I'm in the hotel.
I'll write a short first anniversary post tomorrow. Take care. |
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Akane the Catgirl
Posts: 1091 Location: LA, Baby! |
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Some Thoughts on The Past Year
On August 2, 2015, I submitted a post on the character of Edward from Cowboy Bebop. That would be my very first of a series of mini-essays centered around anime, whether it be picking apart theme song lyrics or analyzing a running motif or message. I did this primarily because I simply enjoyed the act in and of itself. Finding deeper meaning was just something I liked, and I wanted to share my discoveries with the world (or at the very least, this thread). I never imagined that I'd receive the support I did. The one thing I wanted to do was to spark discussion and bring to light new ways of seeing a particular show that hadn't been there before. If there's one thing I loved most about starting this thread, it's that I was able to have interesting conversations regarding the topics I brought up with my readers. And from them, I was able to keep improving on my writing. Thank you to everyone who stopped by to read my thoughts whenever I had the time to post them. A special thanks to nobahn, Psycho 101, louis6578, and Gina Szanboti, who are my dearest friends and I can never be grateful enough to have them in my life. I'll see all of you soon for another year of analyses and recaps. Thank you. Most sincerely, Akane the Catgirl |
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Zin5ki
 Posts: 6680 Location: London, UK |
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Well done to you! I do like the quirks you display in your posts. There is a puckish aloofness to them that helps distinguish you from other writers. Indeed, your dedication to sustaining your own thread is itself quite an achievement. (It actually reminds me of a book club thread that ran many years ago, albeit without the constraints of an agreed timetable or subject matter.) |
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Gina Szanboti
Posts: 11340 |
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Congratulations on your anniversary.
 I know what it's like to maintain a thread for months on end without a single reply (even when the view counts show people are reading the posts). I'm glad your efforts paid off a bit sooner than that!
Good luck with the move and have a safe flight! |
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Errinundra
Moderator
 Posts: 6523 Location: Melbourne, Oz |
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Keep up the good work and the enthusiasm.
I'm right behind you. My thread's first year is up on next Monday (Oz time). |
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