Forum - View topicINTEREST: Is Love Really Difficult for Otaku? Male Nerds Weigh In on Experiences
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Agent355
 Posts: 5113 Location: Crackberry in hand, thumbs at the ready... |
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Pretty sure you two are agreeing with one another--problems arise when people--men, women, otaku, non-otaku, anyone, really--start seeing other human beings as too different from themselves to relate to. Obviously, fictional characters are easy to relate to, they're written that way. But understanding other human beings in real life takes communication and relationship skills that are rarely explicitly taught to kids and can take a lifetime to learn, with the threat of embarrassment and shame if you get it wrong. I think many people around the world struggle with verbal and non-verbal cues, especially if they think, rightly or wrongly, that the persons they are trying to communicate with are significantly different from them, which is a feeling toward the opposite sex that's probably more pronounced in Japan than in America, since Japan tends to be more culturally sexually segregated (I believe, for example, that there are more single gender high schools in Japan than in America). Compounding this issue is that studies have suggested that Japan has the highest Autism spectrum rate in the developed world (source: https://www.worldatlas.com/articles/countries-with-the-highest-rates-of-autism.html). People on the Autism spectrum tend to struggle more with learning social cues in context, and are also more likely to suffer from social anxiety than neurotypical people. Basically, this poll doesn't reflect an Otaku-specific issue but a social issue with various causes that can be remedied by teaching communication techniques, relationship skills, and empathy in relating to others. Once an individual realizes that other people aren't all that different from them or scary regardless of gender or shared hobbies, it becomes easier to make friends and build romantic partnerships. |
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configspace
Posts: 3717 |
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So.... what did the girls say? The article only covers some responses from the guys. Also I'm curious if physical attraction was mentioned at all in the survey or in any response. I might sound superficial but it seems pretty important for a romantic/sexual relationship, |
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0utf0xZer0
Posts: 80 |
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I don't actually make very much of their choice of waifu. My real life girlfriend is 27, other women I find attractive are also adults, but adults would be a minority of my top ten "waifus" and none would crack the top three. I wish that weren't the case, but the kinds of shows I like a) don't use adult casts that often and b) have a somewhat mixed track record when they do. I sort of agree with the rest of your post as I did have a bit of a "dude, you're looking at this entirely the wrong way" reaction to much of what was said. "How does she compare to my favourite fictional characters" is not a good point of comparison for a real partner. (That said, I do only date within the anime fandom. Explaining my interest in anime girls to outsiders is just awkward and I find having at least some shared interests essential to a relationship anyway.) |
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Random Name
Posts: 644 |
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Seems odd why would love be any more or less difficult for an anime fan? It's not something I bring up in conversation but also not something I would hide. And I have yet to meet someone who stopped seeing me because of it. Quite frankly if someone wont date you because of what TV you watch I don't think that relationship was going to last.
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ANN_Lynzee
ANN Executive Editor
 Posts: 2944 Location: Email for assistance only |
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The women's responses aren't published yet by the source (Anime! Anime!). There will be a follow-up when they are.
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meruru
Posts: 471 |
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While things are changing, being an otaku was considered rather shameful, something to hide, in Japan. To give you an idea, it used to be that a lot of the stores with the hardcore anime related stuff (doujin, for example) were hidden in away in what my friends and I jokingly call the "shame basements." Always in a dank basement, not well advertised, where you go in secret, and absolutely no talking with anyone else. If anyone breaks any of the social norms, you flee at top speed (a friend literally had this happen when she, a white woman, went into the men's section one time, and scared off a male otaku.) Like I said, that's changing, where there are now plenty of stores where people are okay with socializing and not hiding it, but it didn't used to be that way, not even that long ago, and I'm sure many people still have their hang ups. There are still some of the "shame basement" type stores too by the way. |
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Cutiebunny
 Posts: 1747 |
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This article feels rather pointless in a way. Finding love and maintaining a good relationship is hard for everyone, not just otaku. Yes, this board is geared towards topics involving people in the anime and manga fandom, but I imagine that people who are sports fans, movie buffs, etc. all have equally hard time finding someone. Everyone is worried about finding someone that can embrace, let alone possibly share, in some of the things that they enjoy without being ridiculed. I don’t think that this is a particular problem that solely focuses on people who enjoy manga/anime or the western sci-fi equivalent.
I do, however, think that it has become more difficult for young people to socialize with others. While part of that might be due to one commenter pointing out the amount of people who have autism in Japan, I think it’s more likely that most young people are so used to technology that that’s how they communicate. It is very common to walk into a restaurant or cafe and seeing two or more younger people sitting next to each other not talking but both of them are on their smartphones. My friends do this often and I’m usually the one making the terse reminder that we’re spending time together for a reason and to put the phone down. When you prefer to carry out most of your interactions behind a screen, of course you’re going to find socializing in person difficult. Yes, the availability of porn and of unrealistic expectations is also influencing things, but I think it’s more likely that many young people are so used to technology that they have a hard time doing anything that doesn’t involve it. |
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Wrangler
 Posts: 1346 |
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I don't know if the article is trying take the subject serious or not. I think western readers of the article may have take step back and look at what makes Japanese Otaku tick. What shapes them into believing that they honestly can't deal with woman, never mind finding a rare fan of manga/anime. I think it's cultural thing tick that may be not helping these people from finding the confidence to talk to opposite sex. (men or women).
Japanese culture is very structured in sense of classes etc, I am hope they can find way work problems out. Japanese's population is really going down because something of the problem is social and pressure of workforce to push people into insane hours. That's my opinion without getting into reading more concrete material. |
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Kadmos1
 Posts: 13553 Location: In Phoenix but has an 85308 ZIP |
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What about lolis that are physically that age but mentally an adult? That is a loophole around the "liking character that young means you are a pedo"-type mentality. |
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0utf0xZer0
Posts: 80 |
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Dude, that approach does NOT work on people who have that mentality. A better approach in this particular instance would be to point out that the guy who said Kyou from Clannad was his dream girl would have been 16 or 17 when Clannad started airing in 2007 (the visual novel is from 2004), and as for the 28 year old guy who picked the Rumbling Hearts girl, Rumbling Hearts is older still. When I first read the article, it struck me as odd to see such a large number of characters from 10+ year old shows mentioned, but doing the math of the respondent's ages made it all make sense. As much as I think they have the wrong ideas about dating, I kind of want to salute them for their loyalty to their waifus. (Also Kyou shows up as a kindergarten teacher in Clannad: After Story, albeit in a scene that isn't among her most memorable.) |
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killjoy_the
 Posts: 2459 |
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Zetsubou Sensei always has the most insightful things to say, and this subject is included.
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capt_bunny
 Posts: 364 |
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This I didn't know about. I am a high function autistic and this is really new to me. I don't think I've heard anything related to autism and Japan. I mean, there was a manga about it and I think it came out....? Please correct me if I am wrong. Personally, I agree with being friends then relationship. But sadly, I know too many people that want to be in relationships because "they feel they have to be." And I have met some anime/manga fans that are like this + non-anime/manga fans too. I just meant that I've had a fair share of some anime/manga fans that just want relationships. But you are right about relating yourself with a 2D character. That I do agree. I'm sorry if I said it wrong in my first post. |
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Jose Cruz
 Posts: 1773 Location: South America |
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Brazil's current president was 63 when he married his wife who was about 20 at the time.  Age is not a barrier for love.
By the way, teenager anime girls are not supposed to be representations of Japanese teenager girls. They are purely fictional constructs: being unable to separate manga/games/anime from reality is a problem that only exists among Western anime fans and not Japanese nerds.
Indeed because "society" doesn't exist. In Japan there are millions of people and different people have different opinions about different things. These people interviewed are just people who choose to not allocate their time to relationships instead they choose to focus on their hobbies. That is a common thing among people all over the world. By the way, it's not only among nerds that lack of sex is a common thing: nearly half of Japanese adults who are not married are virgins well into their 40's: https://www.economist.com/news/asia/21740042-ageing-population-and-protracted-economic-slump-have-changed-face-business-japans
That's ludicrous line of reasoning. The "age" of those fictional anime or manga characters has almost no relationship with the age of it's audience or the age of real people. These characters are fictional constructs and they are not supposed to represent people of that age bracket with those kinds of sensibilities. Take those "moe" shows that are adapted from manga time kirara magazines aimed at adult males. The girls in those shows are quite obviously not like real teenager girls. The teenager "shoujo" that is present in Japanese fiction (across all narrative mediums) is a type of idealized character that has no relationship with real Japanese teenager girls, often they serve as avatars for their male audience, often they are idealized romantic interests. It's even common for Japanese nerds to develop erotic attraction only to lolis and have no attraction to 3D people. That's actually the definition of a true otaku: a person whose sexuality exists only in the aesthetic realm. Clearly (from this thread) most western anime fans just cannot understand that fact. |
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