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REVIEW: Everyone's Getting Married GN 1




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nobahn
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Joined: 14 Dec 2006
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PostPosted: Mon Jul 04, 2016 10:37 am Reply with quote
Quote:
Asuka's goals may not sit well with everyone

Now there is an understatement if ever there was one! I am reminded of an essay I read somewhere where the writer was talking about Mad Men with her mother and her mother commented that she didn't care for the show since she (the mother) had lived through it. I can understand very well why Asuka's values could very well unsettle others – seeing as how housewives don't get paid anything to work 24/7.
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Princess_Irene
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Joined: 16 Dec 2008
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Location: The castle beyond the Goblin City
PostPosted: Mon Jul 04, 2016 11:11 am Reply with quote
What can I say, I'm a master of understatement!

It's true - this is going to be a real sticking (talking?) point for a lot of people. My mother also lived through the Mad Men days (my parents got married in 1968), and a lot of her friends have told me that if they had had the choice, they would not have gotten married. It's certainly not something I want, but I also don't think that it's an inherently bad choice - it depends on the person. In the case of this series, Asuka is technically trying to live the fantasy of "having it all;" the difference is that she isn't trying to have it all at the same time - she did the career, and now she wants the husband and kids.

I'm not saying that this is a terrific manga or that I particularly agree with, or even fully understand, Asuka's choices. From an academic standpoint I find it a bit more interesting in terms of how romance as a genre is written, but I'm pretty torn about the book in general. I'm definitely interested to see what the rest of you have to say about it.
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Vaisaga



Joined: 07 Oct 2011
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PostPosted: Mon Jul 04, 2016 11:23 am Reply with quote
Honestly people who look down on a woman for wanting to be a housewife are just as bad as people who say women only belong in the kitchen. Either way you're limiting her ability to choose what she wants. If she wants to be a housewife by choice and not because her husband or some one else is forcing her to then more power to her. Being a homemaker is a difficult but rewarding job even if you don't get paid in money for it, and looking down on that is insulting to all the housewives and househusbands out there.
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Alan45
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Joined: 25 Aug 2010
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Location: Virginia
PostPosted: Mon Jul 04, 2016 12:09 pm Reply with quote
The problem with Asuka's choices is that they are based on an ideal that is only occasionally reached, and then only with the hard work and cooperation of two people. It is not something one person can achieve alone no matter how hard they try. Marriage with children and a dedicated housewife is very different in reality than in the abstract. Reality can be a real bitch.

Think of it as like moving from teaching to administration. It may be a great career move or you may find you are simply not suited for the type of work. Unfortunately there is seldom an easy way back. Of course life is a gamble no matter what you do.

My mother went back to work as soon as my youngest brother was old enough. Shortly thereafter she went back to college to quality as a school nurse. She told me it was because she was going crazy due to the lack of intellectual stimulation. Being a housewife is not for everyone. Unfortunately she became an adult during WWII and the housewife bit was not really questioned when she married.

In deciding marriage with or without a career or kids depends on the individuals, their economic status, the culture in which they reside and the laws that effect them. There are simply too many variables to say in abstract that any such decision is good or bad.
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jenny10-11



Joined: 25 Jun 2015
Posts: 98
Location: Australia
PostPosted: Mon Jul 04, 2016 7:35 pm Reply with quote
I was thinking of checking this one out, but when I read the blurb, I thought it was just going to be another "I'm an independent woman with a succesful career, but my life will never be truly satisfying or fulfilled until I have a man to look after me!" story. This review makes me think that maybe I should give it another shot.
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Agent355



Joined: 12 Dec 2008
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PostPosted: Mon Jul 04, 2016 10:43 pm Reply with quote
Great, thoughtful review! I recently saw Ali Wong's Netflix comedy special, Baby Cobra, and cringed when she made jokes about feminism being the worst thing to happen to women because she wants to stay home and watch TV ("I don't want to Lean In, I want to lie down!"). Obviously, she's exaggerating for comic effect and realizes that there is real value (and a *lot* of hard work) in raising children. Also, Ali Wong chooses to work regardless in an interview with Vogue, she says that the six weeks she spent recovering from her C-section was the longest break she's ever taken from stand up, and that she's planning to return to the Fresh Off the Boat writing room part time. But choosing whether to work or be a stay at home mom is, after generations of feminism and advocacy, still only a *true choice* for a privileged few with economic stability and supportive partners. I know women who struggle with the balance of raising children, developing a career and/or simply a meaningful role outside their children and spouse via volunteering or even to maintain healthy friendships. Most mothers have to work for financial stability, especially single mothers. Married mothers generally don't get much of a choice either-cultural attitudes and norms still haven't changed to the point where any mother can "opt out" from doing the majority of the work towards raising her children, so the mother is often is primary caregiver, whether she's partnered, single, working outside the home or "stay-at-home." There are still very, very few "stay-at-home" dads, the percentages are barely comparable. And no matter what a woman chooses, she will be judged and stigmatized for it. No matter how many studies show that infancy through early childhood is the most influential and important time in human development, working with babies through preschool aged children is still considered "low class work" even in the professional sphere (have you ever asked yourself why we pay day care workers and even preschool teachers less than elementary school teachers?). I'm not a mother, but I've worked in day care, and everyone involved is very stressed out--the parents (most often the mothers) of very young children who can barely afford the cost of daycare and really need more time in the day in general, and daycare workers who get paid around poverty level. This ended up being more of a rant than I intended, but my understanding is that women's choices are even more limited in Japan.
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Ali07



Joined: 01 Jun 2014
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Location: Victoria, Australia
PostPosted: Tue Jul 05, 2016 5:51 am Reply with quote
Good review, this was a series that I've been on the fence on. I'm leaning a bit toward checking it out myself, but I hope to see a review for the 2nd volume before I totally get off the fence.
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nobahn
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Joined: 14 Dec 2006
Posts: 5120
PostPosted: Tue Jul 05, 2016 6:16 am Reply with quote
Agent355 wrote:
This ended up being more of a rant than I intended [...].

But it's such a good rant!
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Fronzel



Joined: 11 Sep 2003
Posts: 1906
PostPosted: Wed Jul 06, 2016 10:28 am Reply with quote
Vaisaga wrote:
Honestly people who look down on a woman for wanting to be a housewife are just as bad as people who say women only belong in the kitchen. Either way you're limiting her ability to choose what she wants.

The review kind of chokes on this point and can't get past it.
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VampireNaomi



Joined: 30 Aug 2010
Posts: 146
PostPosted: Wed Jul 06, 2016 2:52 pm Reply with quote
I loved the first volume of this. Marriage and women taking care of the family are things that can often be red button issues for me, but there wasn't a single part in the manga where I felt bothered by anything. The main character is mature, sympathetic, good at her job, knows what she wants and is able to think rationally about her situation and what's the best for her and others. Whenever the characters had disagreements, I never thought the manga was trying to make me think one of them was right and one wrong. And even though the male lead didn't agree with the MC's views on marriage, he didn't mock her or try to humiliate her into changing her opinion. I feel like I'm repeating myself, but I honestly feel like I don't often get the chance to read about two characters acting like mature adults in manga.

After just one volume, this is already so much better than most romance manga I've read that I can hardly wait for more.
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nobahn
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Joined: 14 Dec 2006
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PostPosted: Wed Jul 06, 2016 3:57 pm Reply with quote
Fronzel wrote:
Vaisaga wrote:
Honestly people who look down on a woman for wanting to be a housewife are just as bad as people who say women only belong in the kitchen. Either way you're limiting her ability to choose what she wants.

The review kind of chokes on this point and can't get past it.

True enough, I suppose; but please consider: When sexism is definitely A Thing and the Glass Ceiling is all too real, then what the hell else can you expect?
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Fronzel



Joined: 11 Sep 2003
Posts: 1906
PostPosted: Wed Jul 06, 2016 5:44 pm Reply with quote
nobahn wrote:
Fronzel wrote:
Vaisaga wrote:
Honestly people who look down on a woman for wanting to be a housewife are just as bad as people who say women only belong in the kitchen. Either way you're limiting her ability to choose what she wants.

The review kind of chokes on this point and can't get past it.

True enough, I suppose; but please consider: When sexism is definitely A Thing and the Glass Ceiling is all too real, then what the hell else can you expect?

An ability to assess what is actually in front of you?
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nobahn
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PostPosted: Wed Jul 06, 2016 5:58 pm Reply with quote

I most definitely do not understand you at all.
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CandisWhite



Joined: 19 Apr 2015
Posts: 282
PostPosted: Thu Jul 07, 2016 12:53 am Reply with quote
The issue I have with the story is not that it's about a woman wanting to take a route that is no longer in vogue, and was at one time demanded of women, but that she sees the fulltime homemaker as what's essential to a "loving and safe environment" for a family; Basically, she feels that what's important is the home-all-the-time part, not being a strong, loving, woman.

As others have pointed out, reality is going to hit hard when she realizes that being a traditional housewife, of the stripe she's looking to be, requires as much, IF NOT MORE, work than being an employed mother: She misses the point that not only will she have as little free time, unemployed, as mothers who have jobs but that QUALITY of time is what's important, not QUANTITY.

The housewives I know have active lives outside of the home, and generally chose this life because they simply had jobs vs. fulfilling careers with which they could define themselves by.

But if this manga has a genuine, engaging, story of a woman who doesn't need to have a career to be fulfilled, and is trying to reconcile her desire to have a husband and family with her "No way, José" boyfriend, then I'm in.
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