8 Boneable Skeletons
by Lynzee Loveridge,
Today's column is inspired by Kunihiko Ikuhara who, when conceptualizing and creating Sarazanmai, no one told him 'no, you can't do that.' In that same vein, I bring you skeleton characters rated by sexual appeal. I pitched this idea fully expecting someone to say "Lynzee, this is ridiculous." That did not happen and now this exists. A list of skeletons and whether or not I recommend them for potential bone action.
It's been almost eight years since I began writing this column and you all thought you knew me. Ha. This isn't even my final form.
Over Justice (Space Patrol Luluco)
- Can get extremely hot
- Can transform into alternate, non-human forms
- Probably a leather daddy
- He's a cop, but possibly a more responsible INFERNO COP??
- Inability to see a moral grey area
- Probably the worst at pillow talk
Admiral Perry (Space Dandy)
- Ruler of an entire empire, would probably blow stuff up for you
- Would get to visit exotic space vacation locales
- Probably too busy to bother you
- Is notoriously cheap
- Possibly impossible to bone in skeleton form since everything below the head is a space-like void
- Is actually Google co-founder Larry Page
Skull Knight (Berserk)
- His vast experience on the Earth means he probably knows how to do all kinds of freaky stuff.
- Despite his intimidating appearance, he fights on behalf of good.
- Cool, dark, and mysterious
- All that foresight means he's inevitably a huge downer and pedantic about the "bigger picture"
- Cannot bone if he never gets off the damn horse
- His ex is a witch that could easily kill you
Ainz Ooal Gown (Overlord)
- All the bonuses of dating an extremely wealthy noble.
- Thoughtful and philosophical, his intellect makes him a great conversationalist
- Actually has some appealing dad qualities
- Has never shown any particular interest in romance
- Albedo will try and thwart any attempts to woo Ainz
- Lacks spontaneity
Death Gun (Sword Art Online II)
- Absolutely zero
- Real-life counterparts (and brothers) basically doxxed some people and started murdering them when one guy recommended a poor player build.
- Attempted to sexually assault/drug/murder a female player
- Bland looking mofo
Brook (One Piece)
- Rejects cruelty wherever he sees it
- A man of culture, he enjoys good food and good music (the latter he can provide himself)
- Beautiful, bountiful hair
- Unless you want a pirate life, he's got pretty limited availability
- He's probably going to try to collect some panties when you're not around
- That laugh
Elias (The Ancient Magus' Bride)
- Can coach you through magic and help reveal your inner strengths
- Weirdly adorable when he parts his mouth open while in thought or surprised
- His human form is also hot
- Emotionally manipulative and controlling
- No seriously, he'll get jealous and murder your friends
- Might be a Wendigo
Honda-san (Skull-face Bookseller Honda-san)
- The most "human" of the bunch, it feels like he'll try to really understand you.
- Knows your favorite manga and books and always ready with a recommendation. If you push him hard enough maybe he'll let you read stuff before street date?!
- Probably a "giver"
- Unlike the other skeletons, he lacks an exciting "danger" factor
- Prone to stress
- I don't have a third con, he's a good guy
This is the dumbest (best) thing I've ever written. (Twitter.)
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