This Week in Anime

You Don't Mess with the Rohan

Nicky
Oh no! What horrible cg bug anime are they going to make us watch next?

Also, fortunately for us, it's short! Unfortunately, it doesn't have anything to do with the currently anticipated part 6. Set in the world of Hirohiko Araki's beloved and bizarre Jojo's franchise, this is a collection of tales told from the perspective of Diamond Is Unbreakable's eccentric fictional manga author, Rohan Kishibe.

Lot's of people have speculated that Rohan is actually Araki's authorial self-insert simply because he's a manga artist, like himself. And I'm going to refute that because even the standard of absurdity set by the average Jojo's character kind of pales in comparison to Rohan's haughtiness.

Also, like, the dude wears pen-nibs for earrings.

They're all part of a series of one-shots Araki has published over the years for various promotions' sake, so it makes sense they're stand-alone stories. They all start the same with Rohan, often sitting at a café and describing the oddities he encountered in order to broaden his scope as a storyteller. Since Rohan takes his career to the extreme, it's likewise that the stories he seeks match the same degree of eccentricity.

The main series, Jojo's Bizarre Adventure, often includes some strange, funny, and horrific asides; but since they're normally contained within the series' ongoing supernatural battles, these ones feel a lot less restricted. And Rohan, as the sole observer, is even able to inject a little bit of commentary that's normally missing.

Also using his secret powers to turn people's bodies into their life's diary just so he can snoop on even complete strangers. Nice to know he never changes even after burning down his whole house trying to own some local teenagers.

Some of these fables feature moral elements like many horror stories do, and the people in them range from sadistic to simply misfortunate. Also there's a lot of grey area as you're simply meant to watch and be mesmerized by the mystery that entangles them rather than cast moral judgments on the characters. Though yes, the dude in the first story is such a dick that even Rohan admits it as such, even if he also relates as a human.

It's also the one that feels the most familiar even though it doesn't really mention anything about Stands. Something about a curse that brings success before causing your downfall feels right at home for a ghost-revenge story – with the added Jojo's flavor of possessing the tongue of his daughter to talk.

It almost felt like I was watching an episode of Kaiji when the biggest threat to your life is some greedy-ass birds, while being played completely straight and over-the-top in true Jojo's fashion. It's sheer comedy.

It also made me really hungry for popcorn.

I also thought the other wager in the third episode ended up pretty funny. Why do forest spirits care about how good your manners are and why do both of these stories involve corn?!

Also the fact that Rohan's default defense is just writing "Can't see shit" using his Stand. Neener, Neener, Neener. Want to keep a child from framing you for murder? Yeah, can't see me now, can you?

Galaxy brain apparently means you get a deal for "2 Ghost Curses For The Price of 1! Get Matching Ghost Curses For You and Your Child Too!"

The Part 4 cast continues to be good even in casual cameos. They're just all super chill to the point that oddities are mundane to them. Though I found it funny that Okuyasu thinks GHOSTS are scarier than whatever-the-fuck Stands are...even though they've already met a real ghost...

The second story, however, felt more sad than humorous? I guess that depends on how dark you like your comedy. Drinking the blood of your "accidentally murdered" lover to hide a body from your fiancé IS actually funny, but also totally gross. I'm glad Araki doesn't exclude women from these kinds of tense situations.

I also love his Steel Ball Run polo.

The weirdest part is deffo what happens after she's successfully hidden the body (that's still bleeding everyday btw) and gotten married. As it's implied this dude is actually some sort of parasitic curse that only wants you to become a necrophiliac.

Find yourself a girl that looks at you the same way this lady looks at this re-hydrated sponge.

Rohan spends about half of this show flat-broke (lol) even after he already has to leech off Koichi's family.

At least he still has his looks and his erm..taste in fashion?? Yeah, let's go with that. Whatever this is. It's one of those flourishes that makes it so you can never forget what you're watching cuz it's just full of Araki's crazy aesthetic choices.

She even has the logo on her!

This story also features Rohan as an active participant rather than simply an observer like the previous two. He and his editor travel to a village that turns everyone who lives there into Jeff Bezos after they're 25. IMO, it's also the one where he acts the most heroic despite his editor calling him out on his shit.

And then we get this creepy lil' butler and if you don't cross your legs the right way when you sit down in front of him the forest spirits are gonna murder your whole family.

There's some really great stills that remind you that you're not simply watching an anime but Araki's art being brought to screen.


It was also really fun to see Rohan successfully outsmart some tree gods too, given that he's usually the one getting out-witted when he's not the main character.

I'm just waiting for someone to combine the "BEHOLD. CORN!!" audio clip from Aqua Teen Hunger Force with this image.

I think the last episode is the one that visually feels the most distinct anyway. It achieves a feeling of being manga-like but also cinematic. Even though the story essentially boils down to Rohan's brief Gym Rivalry.

It also opens differently, with Rohan wearing a cast on his hand and two of his fingers completely broken (really important assets if you're a manga artist), making it feel a lot less casual than the others.

It's really cute. I actually do stuff like this all the time cuz being at the computer too long (writing about anime) can cause injury (it really sucks).

Pretty sure this is also the most decidedly fanservice-y episode despite having one where a woman was stripped down to her underwear for half of it.

I had to suspend my disbelief long enough to accept that A) Rohan has enough time as a manga artist to exercise and use his gym membership and B) Rohan lifts, bruh.

Oh yeah, I guess that's just me being weird cuz even though I've watched Jojo's for years, I can't recognize the lumps on character's bodies as functioning muscles instead of weird atrophied flesh that's extremely fragile. Like horses.

Turns out Rohan didn't just pick a fight with any old gym Chad, but THE GOD OF MUSCLE, HIMSELF.

Also as expected, Rohan is a pretty sore loser. But he's also not the one who decided to take things too far, and whether he likes it or not, he makes it out of it.

Despite how trivial it sounds, it definitely feels like the most perilous trial for Rohan. It brings into question the sustainability of his own curiosity on top of being a stuck-up asshole. Definitely the best-animated segment in the whole OVA series, and it has to be because you can tell it's Araki's later art style compared to the more simple Part 4 designs. David Productions always seem to put a lot of care into the adaption that way.

I'll note that some of these were made at different times, the earliest being announced in 2016 and this and the first episode being released together in late 2019. It's just now that they've only been dubbed and subbed and released on Netflix.

Despite the title trying to ape Nietzsche's Magnum Opus, Thus Spoke Kishibe Rohan isn't meant to be particularly deep or thought-provoking, but rather an interesting diversion. Like diverting from the fact that they still haven't announced an adaption for Stone Ocean. I'm not one to look a gift horse in the mouth though, having more Jojo's is always a good thing. Since these are also bite-sized it also feels rather low commitment for someone who just wants the feeling of watching Jojo's without taking on more than they could chew.

I think the lack of Jojo's continuity even makes it more interesting to test out on people who have yet-to-be-initiated to Araki's Crazy-Noisy-Bizarre Ride. Since everyone wants to get everyone they know into Jojo's.