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Akane the Catgirl
Posts: 1091 Location: LA, Baby! |
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Akane Recaps Sword Butt Online Episode Eighteen- A Step Backwards for Feminism
Last time on SAO: Kirito: Step away from the lady, evildoers! Kirito wins, as usual. Bandits: F**k this noise, we're out of here. Leafa: Before we go any further, who are you and why are you here? Kirito: I'm Kirito, semi-professional- Leafa: Yeah, I think the viewers got the gist of it. Name's Leafa. Want a drink on me? Kirito: Sure. Yui: And I'm Yui! Kirito and Leafa: We're flying! Leafa: Here we are at my home territory, Kirito. Be careful about the- Kirito crashes head first into a building. Leafa: ...landing. Recon: Holy sh*t, Leafa! I thought you were dead! Wait, who's the spriggan? Is he a spy? Kirito: I'm Kirito, part- Leafa: Would you look at the time! Gotta go, Recon. Oh, by the way, he's too dumb to be a spy. Kirito: Wait, you think I'm dumb? At a bar! Leafa: So, what's your plan? Kirito: I have to save my...friend. Leafa: Sounds like your "friend" is more than that. Kirito: You mean like Recon? Leafa: ...touche. Let's meet again tomorrow. Bye. Kirito: See you. In the real world! Suguha: That Kirito guy is so hot! Just like my brother! I should introduce them to each other. What could possibly go wrong? Back in ALO! Kirito: Hey, Yui. You know what would be awesome? Yui: What, Human Father? Kirito: Eating Asuna's sandwiches. Yui: I hope that isn't a euphemism for anything. At the world tree... Asuna: For the last time, I'm not giving you my sandwich recipes! Dan Backslide: MUAHAHAHA I'm evil! Have you noticed that? Asuna: Unfortunately yes. Dan Backslide: Let me Evilly disrobe you! Asuna: Ew, no. Dan Backslide: Killjoy. Asuna: Remind me why you're doing any of this nonsense again. Dan Backslide: Science, money, and- Asuna: Evil, got it. Dan Backslide: Goodbye, my sweet damsel in distress. One day, you shall love me. Asuna: Never! My Man will save me! You'll see! "To the World Tree" is just...a mess. Regardless of what you thought of the gender politics of this series, you cannot deny Fairy Dance's awful handling of it's myriad female characters. I really hate what this arc does with women, especially it's two heroines Asuna and Suguha. Let's get this done with. *** We begin the episode with Suguha. She monologues over how she used to hate video games (hey, give this show credit for acknowledging continuity), and how she blamed them for what happened to Kirito in the previous arc. Suguha then goes on to explain how she eventually got curious, then slowly but surely, became one of the hord. I will admit, as much as my heart has been blackened by Fairy Dance, Cassandra Lee’s acting is good and the visual of Leafa against the moon is stunning. At school, Suguha encounters her best friend/love interest Shinichi Nagata a.k.a. Recon. He indentifies her as Leafa, much to her annoyance, and we get a brief visual of Nagata as Recon because Fairy Dance thinks you are stupid. You may have noticed that’s a running theme throughout this arc, and I’ll address it when we finish this. Believe me, it gets annoying fast. Suguha wonders just what Nagata is doing on campus (she’s going to a kendo club meeting). Apparently, as the token nerd, he has been reprieved from taking high school entrance exams. Some of you may be wondering if this is how it works in Japan. Sure, it may take place in THE FUTURE, but is it accurate? As someone who has studied the culture extensively and continues to do so, I can comfortably say the following. 
Moving on. Turns out the reason Nagata is here is because of ALO. More specifically, their group is having a meeting, and Nagata came to track Suguha down to inform her of this. You know, you could have just texted her instead of going out of your way to get her. Would have made things easier, but nope, plot contrivances are the name of the game! Suguha is quick to inform her friend about her and Kirito’s plans, and she grows more and more frustrated with every protest he makes. Nagata then expresses concern over their budding relationship, and we get Komedy of Suguha hitting him in the stomach with her sheathed sword. Then she says goodbye and the scene is over. Now for me to discuss something that I’ve noticed. I’m going to make an educated guess and say that Suguha’s entire character arc is going to revolve around the men in her life. Ever heard of the Mako Mori test? Here’s how it goes. In order to pass the Mako Mori test, the story in question must have A) one major female character who must then B) have a fully developed character arc that C) does not revolve around men. This show has failed the test with Asuna, and I have the strangest failing they’re going to fail even bigger with Suguha. Just my thoughts. We then cut to Suguha’s room, where we see her undressing and just standing around in her underwear for no reason. Then we get BOOOOBS. BOUNCY BOOBIES. LOOKIT HER BIG BREASTS. THEY ARE VITALLY IMPORTANT FOR SOME REASON. After a good twenty seconds of voyeurism, Suguha finally puts on her console glasses thingy and logs in to ALO. Suguha- now Leafa- meets with Kirito at the bar from the previous episode. Our hero needs to upgrade his equipment, and so the two go out and do so. Actually, what follows is pretty nice, with Leafa showing her expertise and giving Kirito advice. Too bad they’re brother and sister. Suddenly, while at a tower, Leafa runs into her group that was mentioned earlier. They are not pleased with her leaving them for some guy she barely knows, and the leader makes it very clear that her departure will not make them look good. Then KIRITO decides to butt in on what is clearly not his business, which angers Leafa’s boss. Yeah, Kirito? 
[You know, the lack of logic of your lack of logic really lacks of logic.] After some heated tension, Leafa finally decides enough is enough and makes it very clear that she isn’t changing her mind and will not be returning to the group. Reluctantly, the leader lets her go. Picking a fight in public is bad for one’s reputation, you know. And so Leafa leaves her group on bad terms, no thanks to Kirito being an idiot. As expected. The two head up the tower, where we get Scenery Porn. Leafa reveals she’s been wanting to leave her territory and go exploring for a while now, to which Kirito says that he feels it’s his fault she had to leave on such bad terms. Yes, Kirito. You are right. Absolutely nothing you said was incorrect. So Leafa’s a renegade, looked down upon by other players for not picking a side in the race war. She gets philosophical, wondering just why everyone has to fight each other over wings. I say because humans are naturally tribalistic and this game was built to exploit that. There, I solved your problem. Yui asks the same question, then says something along the tune of "why can't we all just get along?". To quote Gravity Falls, because these people hate each other. That's kind of how rivalries work. Are you going to be useful anytime soon? Thought not. After that, Recon comes in, alarmed at Leafa's sudden parting of ways. In spite of that, he reassures her that he'll always be on her side, with or without their old party. However, he's going to stay with them for a bit longer, since he's investigating...something that isn't explained. Recon then asks Kirito to look after her friend, and then Komedy ensues when Leafa steps on Recon's foot as he attempts to be protective. Okay, so, normally, I would be pretty annoyed by Recon's dogged nice guy act. However, in this situation, he has every right to be suspicious of Kirito. After all, Leafa and Kirito have only just met, as opposed to her and Recon being good friends in real life. I might merely tolerate Recon as a character, but I'm with him. Our heroes fly off, and Kirito gently teases Leafa over Recon's very obvious crush on her. She blushes, then look wistfully back at the tower. However, being a teenage girl in this universe, she just can't resist Kirito's chick magnetism. And so the two head to the lake, and we cut to Asuna... still doing nothing. She's just letting Dan Backslide touch her. He even gropes her breast this time, yet she is useless. She is on par with a lamp. Ugh, DO SOMETHING. 
Dan Backslide is still miffed that Asuna isn't going to just lie back and think of England for him. Asuna usely quips and says that Her Man will come and rescue her! To her shock, though, the resident Card-Carrying Villain reveals that he knows Kirito's secret identity, then continues to be Evil. And then he makes THIS FACE. 
[GAHAHAHAHAHA! HAAAAAAAAA! I just can't! It's too funny!] After...that, Dan Backslide leaves Asuna alone once more so he can be Evil elsewhere. Now, in case I didn't mention it before, the passlock for our villain to get out is pixellated in-universe. However, it's not pixellated in a reflection, which Asuna notices. Um...it's been two months since her imprisonment, yet she hasn't noticed it before. Anyhoo, we end the scene on Asuna repeating the numbers to herself. Oh, Magic Eight Ball, is Asuna finally going to do something!? ...don't count on it!? Anyhoo, we cut back to our heroes battling some mooks over neutral territory. They land, and Kirito and Leafa discuss what's next. Turns out they have to go through some mountains to reach Asuna, and since they're both pooped, they're going to have to rest before they can keep going. The two agree to take turns looking after each other's avatars, with Leafa being the first to take a twenty minute break. And so she logs out. Back in the real world, Suguha almost spoils herself on Kirito's identity by going into his room. She figures he's moping about his waifu again before making him a sandwich (as women are ought to do in this show). Then BOOBS. BOOBS IN SHOWER. LOOK AT THOSE HUGE KNOCKERS. Then some thoughts about Kirito and then BUTT. Suguha logs back on to find Kirito snacking on Stuff, which is spicy as hell. He takes his turn to log out, leaving Leafa alone with Yui. The two have a brief chat over Their Man and Wub, and Leafa remembers that her brother is SOOOO HAWT YOU GUYS! Then Kirito logs back in just as our other heroine is freaking out over her incestuous attraction. Suddenly, Kirito has the feeling they're being watched. Leafa helpfully explains that while there might not be anybody around, they can send trackers to spy on other players (as shown by crayon drawing). The episode ends with our heroes continuing on their quest, while a suspicious looking bat watches, and several other players look on. *** This episode was just more of the same except worse. What stood out to me is the show's inept handling of women in general. Suguha's entire arc is revolved around her finding a love interest. Asuna's entire arc revolves around being a trophy for our male hero and our male villain. Other than that, my beef with this episode is just stuff from previous episodes. I've got one month left until 2016, and I'm going to try and get the rest of my recaps out before New Year's Eve, so see you all soon! |
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Akane the Catgirl
Posts: 1091 Location: LA, Baby! |
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Akane Recaps Sword Butt Online Episode Nineteen- A Boring Sidequest
Last time on SAO: Suguha: I used to hate video games, but then I didn't. Now they're awesome! At school! Nagata: HOLY SH*T Leafa! Suguha: GAH! Recon, what the f**k is going on!? Nagata: We're having a meeting in ALO. Suguha: And you couldn't text me about this? Nagata: ...No. Suguha: Alright. By the way, I'm hanging out with Kirito from now on. Nagata: You literally just met him yesterday. Suguha: F**K YOU. Back home... Suguha: This underwear is soooo flattering on me! Anyway, time to log in! In the game! Kirito: Hey, Leafa! Let's go shopping! Kirito and Leafa: We're going shopping, having so much fun! Shopping montage~ Group Leader: Hi Leafa. What are you doing? Kirito: We're going on an adventure to rescue my...friend. Group Leader: Recon says you literally just met each other yesterday. Leafa: F**K YOU TOO. Later... Kirito: Sorry about you leaving your group on bad terms. Leafa: Actually...yes. You should be sorry. Thanks, a-hole. Yui: And I'm Yui! Recon: OMG Leafa, you're okay! Leafa: Indeed, I am. Are you here to join us? Recon: Actually, I was thinking about doing some spy work for you. Is that okay? Leafa: Sure, no problem. Recon: Also, Kirito, don't f**k with my friend, or I will make you bleed. Kirito and Leafa: Flying! Meanwhile, elsewhere... Dan Backslide: Come on, why can't you just be a good little wimmins and have sex with me? Asuna: I don't know. Why can't you just shut the f**k up? Dan Backslide: By the way, I know about your boyfriend's secret identity. Asuna: Whatever. You'll never get away with this! Dan Backslide: That's what you think! I STOLE YOU, AND NO ONE WILL EVER KNOW. Asuna: Just...just p*ss off. Dan Backslide: Fine. I shall be Evil somewhere else! Asuna: That's funny. I can see the passlock clearly from this reflection. Huh. Back to our heroes! Leafa: I need a break. See you! Kirito: Okay. In the real world. Suguha: Kazuto, I made you a sandwich! You'd better not be listening to Linkin Park again! Linkin Park CD: CRAWLING IN MY SKIIIIIIN~ Suguha: Hey, I just noticed something! MY BOOBS ARE HUGE! Later... Leafa: My brother is sooooo hot! Like, he's a super hottie! Kirito: I'm back! Did I miss anything! Leafa: ...Nope. Nothing at all. Kirito: Hey, do you have the feeling we're being watched? Leafa: Also nope. Remember when I said I wanted this show to focus more on the race war? Should have shut my damn mouth. "The Legrue Corridor" is one of the more dull episodes of Fairy Dance. Seriously, I don't think Asuna is mentioned ONCE throughout the episode. It's like this show forgot her existence in favor of yet another filler two-parter! Because that's what Fairy Dance needs! PADDING. 
[HAAAAATE. HAAAAAAAAATE.] *** Before we begin, I overlooked something important from last time. It's All The Same To Me: 9 Three points are awarded for the pointless fanservice scenes from the previous episode. Aincrad also had some pretty dumb and pointless fanservice, though not nearly as much as Fairy Dance did. It's going to get worse, if the clips I saw before were true. The episode starts with Kirito practicing using a night vision spell to light up the cave he and Leafa are in. She gently teases him over the fact that his Spriggan illusion powers aren't that useful, much to Kirito's chagrin. As the two make their way through the mountains, our hero laments about having to learn a fictional language for spell because it's haaaaaard. Fortunately, Leafa is quick to tell him to stop his whining. Suddenly, our other heroine gets a message from Recon! Apparently, his suspicions about Leafa's former group were correct, and he's warning them to be careful. Leafa wonders why Recon signed off his message as "S" (remember, they ARE Japanese) before realizing what is blatantly obvious. Suddenly, Yui detects other players in the vicinity. Um...and Kirito and Leafa couldn't figure that out on their own because...? Luckily, Leafa knows exactly what to do in this sort of situation! She casts as magic spell to hide her and Kirito, then suddenly, BOOBS IN THE FOREGROUND. THEY MAY BE BLURRED, BUT THEY SURE ARE BIG. *ahem* Anyway, our heroes realize that they've been followed by a tracker all along and that they need to get out of there immediately. Leafa destroys the tracker and she and Kirito make a run for it, not wanting to get caught up in the race war. Before we go on further, have a Dippy Fresh. Because by god, this episode is going to be zzzzzz. 
Kirito and Leafa see Legrue and have a brief flicker of hope that they can make it before said flicker is crushed into itty bitty pieces by their pursuers (who are called Salamanders). They can't break through the wall- no politics jokes, please- or go into the monster-infested lake, which means they either fight or surrender. Kirito, being the Big Strong Man, asks Leafa to be his support/tool, to which she agrees because women in this universe exist to prop up the menfolk. Of course, being outnumbered two to twelve, it doesn't take long for Kirito to need some of Leafa's healing magic. Suguha realizes that they're toast and tells Kirito they should give up. And she's right. You're obviously outnumbered, and being killed is only going to impede your progress in saving the resident trophy. So Kirito, being the genius he is, refuses to cut his losses and charges ahead anyway because he's "not going to let anyone in [his] party die". Even though they can't die in real life like in SAO. 
So Kirito goes off screaming into battle like the idiot the plot forces him to be. Yui tells Leafa to use all her mana to protect Kirito, and once again, she could have come to this conclusion on her own, but dammit, we need to give Yui something to do. It works, and Kirito uses his own spell to turn him into a giant monster because apparently he can do that now. Like, they say it's an illusion, but it really isn't when you stop to think about it. So our hero goes on a curb-stomp battle against the Salamanders. I should feel excited, but I'm not. I find this utterly BORING, and the worst is that it SHOULDN'T be boring at all! How the hell can they make turning into a huge goat-beast-thing and beating the tar out of your enemies this dull and lagging!? Maybe it's because I know that nothing important is happening and all this is doing is trying fruitlessly to distract me from the fact that nothing important is happening! ...Wait a minute. Bryce Papenbrook is a teenage boy in a speculative fiction anime who turns into a giant monster to do battle. Now where have I heard that before? 
[For the record, Season Two is going to be A-MA-ZING.] All but one of the Salamander militia are killed, thanks to Leafa stepping in to stop Kirito's bloodlust. (Side Note: Leafa/Suguha deserves a better show). She demands the lone soldier (hello Vic Mignogna cameo) to tell them who was responsible for sending him and his group to attack them, to which he refuses. Suddenly, we see a reappearance of Cocky Kirito (OH GOOOOOOD I HATE HIM), who proceeds to be scummy and butt-kissy and bribing-y. I wouldn't have a problem with this except this is Cocky Kirito we're talking about and I despise Cocky Kirito with all my shriveled blackened heart. The soldier fesses up and tells our heroes that he got a text from his leader, who told him that he needed him and eleven others to hunt two players (Kirito and Leafa) down. Apparently, word got around about Kirito beating the crap out of the bandits from the day before. The soldier's superior saw him and Leafa as threats and that was how this whole thing happened. He himself suspects that sh*t is going to go down. So our heroes and the soldier head on over to Name of Town in Title. Leafa wonders just what was up with Kirito turning into a monster, to which he says something along the lines of "lol I dunno man ¯\_(ツ)_/¯". Then he starts to get unnecessarily creepy with how much he liked the transformation. Thank God Leafa is there to stop him from going too far. Then Kirito bites her fingers because...funny? In Legrue, Kirito whines about having to deal with the consequences of enacting violence on women. He reminds Leafa about Recon's message, and when they see he's not online, she decides to log out and see what's up. In the real world, Suguha wakes up to realize that Nagata has been repeatedly trying to call her over and over again. She answers his next phone call, asking him what sort of serious business would require him to do that. Turns out our heroes have a real emergency on their hands! Leafa's former boss is not only after her and Kirito, but he betrayed the leader of their race too. Apparently, in a battle we never got to see, Group Leader was acting suspicious (would have been nice to see THAT on screen). Also, DRAMATIC RAAAAAAIN. ...Moving on. Recon found out that Group Leader was a spy for the Salamanders all along through his super sleuth skills. He managed to overhear about the attack plan that just happened, but got caught and paralyzed before he could warn them. (CUE EVER MORE DRAMATIC LIGHTNIIIING) Now the Sylph leader is going to meet with the leader of this race called Cat Siths, and Group Leader is planning to attack at the meeting, which is bad because See Below. Back in ALO, Leafa tells Kirito she needs go take care of things on her own because, come on, he's an idiot. Our hero insists on coming along anyway, and so they rush off to the meeting that is happening in forty minutes. According to Leafa, a Salamander attack would lead to war between the Sylphs and Cat Sith and making all the monies off of said war. Leafa then points out that if Kirito wants to get to the World Tree so badly, working with the Salamanders wouldn't be such a bad idea. Kirito then goes on a random philosophical tangent, which wouldn't be bad except this is Kirito we're talking about. The point is, he's not going to betray his new friend/little sister. Leafa is touched by his overly long babbling, and our heroes head off through the CGI cave to the meeting! To be continued next episode! *** I hate using the word "boring", so allow me to be more specific. This is a waste of time. Nothing important is happening. It feels like this subplot exists to pad out the episode count. There's nothing to get me to care about what's happening. Once again, it's like the "rescue Asuna" plot was forgotten in favor of this inconsequential garbage. Worst of all, this should have been interesting! I wanted more focus on the race war, but not like this! Next time, the conclusion. COUNTS: It's All The Same To Me: 9 NEXT TIME: I'll be recapping Episode Twenty. GOD I NEED STARBUCKS. |
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Akane the Catgirl
Posts: 1091 Location: LA, Baby! |
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Akane Recaps Sword Butt Online Episode Twenty- The Boring Sidequest's Conclusion
Last time on SAO: Kirito and Leafa: We're in a cave! Kirito: Learning spells is haaaaaaaard. Leafa: Quit your whining. Wait, I think we're being followed. Kirito: Told you. Leafa: There's a tracker! We ARE being followed! One chase scene later... Kirito: Well, we're screwed. Salamanders: Surrender, protagonists! Kirito: Never! Leafa: Actually, they have a good point. We're clearly outnumbered, and don't you need to- Kirito: Like I said, NEVER. Leafa: Fine. Magic wand, make my love interest grow! Yui: And I'm Yui! Kirito turns into a giant goat beast and wins the battle. As expected. Random Guy: Hey, don't kill me man. Leafa: Don't kill him Kirito. Kirito: Um...okay. What do you know? Some time later! Random Guy: Seriously, all I know is that you two are threats or something. Also, I don't know why this battle happened. Leafa: We believe you. By the way, Kirito, what's up with the monster thing? Kirito: Um...I dunno. Leafa: What? Kirito: YOUR FINGERS ARE DELICIOUS. In Legrue... Kirito: Come ooooon, Leafa. It was just a joke. Leafa: Hmph. I have to log out and see what's up with Recon. Bye. The real world. Suguha: That sure is a lot of messages from Nagata. I should see what's up. Nagata: HOLY SH*T HOLY SH*T HOLY SH*T HOLY SH*T HOLY- Suguha: Nagata, calm the f**k down! What's going on!? Nagata: WE'VE BEEN BETRAYED! The Salamanders are coming! They're gonna cause a war with the Cat Siths and Sylphs OH MY GOD YOU GOTTA HURRY MAN! Suguha: Alright, alright. I'm going there now. Back in the game... Leafa: I gotta go take care of something. Kirito: Take me with you! Leafa: No, you'll f**k everything up. Besides, don't you have to go to the World Tree? Kirito: Pretty please? With a cherry on top? Leafa: ...fine. Kirito: Yay! Adventure! And now, we reach "General of the Blazing Flame". As I outlined in the alt-title, this episode is just as stupid and boring as you think it is. It's nonsensical, insulting- a typical Fairy Dance episode. At least after this, I have five more episodes before I'm done with the first season and can finally move on to new territory. Let's go. *** The episode picks up right where we last left off. Kirito and Leafa go flying through the caves towards the Sylph and Cat Sith meeting, past a whole bunch of enemies. They make it out, only to see the World Tree right in front of their eyes. Um... 
Anyhoo, turns out our heroes have twenty minutes before the meeting starts, and they need to be faster if they want to get there in time. Unfortunately, it becomes obvious they aren't going to make it in time. Yui reports that there's sixty eight of the Salamanders that are going to attack (still pointless as ever, though). Not only are they further ahead, but they vastly outnumber the fourteen Sylphs and Cat Siths at the meeting. Leafa realizes they're hopelessly outmatched and tells Kirito to cut his losses while she goes to save the Sylph Leader (named Sakuya). Kirito, being the genius he is, refuses to make this anime shorter and goes with Leafa anyway. Just as the Salamanders are about to make their move, our heroes fly in to stop the fight! More specifically, Kirito takes the spotlight to save the day! It's All The Same To Me: 10 This is more a self-indulgent point for me. Kirito has always hogged the spotlight, ever since Episode Two. This was just an especially stupid time to do so. Not even Sakuya (voiced by Lauren Landa) believes this sh*t. Kirito demands to speak with the Salamander commander (try saying THAT ten times fast), who wonders just what a Spriggan is doing there. Kirito lies his butt off, claiming he's an ambassador for the Spriggan-Undine alliance, then accuses the commander of trying to start a race war. Um...there already is one? The game is based on one? 
[Pictured: The ladies'- and my- reaction] After Kirito's embarassing display, the commander easily sees through his bullsh*tting. Kirito stupidly attempts to scare him off anyway, and the commander decides to indulge him by challenging him to a fight; last thirty seconds and he'll believe him. According to Sakuya, this is a bad thing because the commander has a sword that can cut flesh in half. Question- why is nobody but these two fighting? I was promised a battle, dammit, and this situation makes no sense! Nobody is doing anything but watching Kirito and this commander guy swordfight! The women especially just stand there and comment on everything like this is an ESPN game! I WAS PROMISED BLOOD, AND I WANT IT! And so Kirito and the commander fight, and while the animation is the best I've seen since the end of Aincrad, it doesn't hide the fact that this is boring as hell. So I'm going to talk about a revelation I've had! I think I figured out the big problem with how the show handles Kirito! You know Pixar? Mult-billion dollar, beloved by near everyone Pixar? One of their essential storytelling rules- number one specifically- is that you admire a character more for trying than succeeding. This story wants you to like Kirito mainly because he's good at winning fights rather than anything human or relatable. Also, stop using "swordland" for inconsequential fight scenes, Show. This is the second time in a row you've done it this arc. It's getting tiresome. Really fast. Where were we? That's right. Kirito wins- because of course he does- and Sakuya and her bouncy boobies declare this fight the most amazing fight EVAR. Everyone celebrates despite the fact that most of them did absolutely nothing, and Leafa fawns over her Man. After heaping praise upon the resident Gary Stu, the commander receives word about said Stu's accomplishment that was literally performed the day before. UUUUUUUUGH. I need something to take my mind of things. 
[Tastes like home and saturated fats.] The informant mentions that Kirito was traveling with an Undine (not sure if mistranslation or plain stupid) and because fair is far, the commander decides to go home for now. Our heroes inform Sakuya about Group Leader's treachery, to which she guesses his motivation was ULTIMATE POWEEEEEER. Oh, and something about a possible reincarnation system that would let him switch races. Sakuya asks the Cat Sith leader Alicia Rue (voiced by Cristina Vee) to cast some spell or other so that she can finally do something important. We cut to where Group Leader is. Sakuya gleefully lets him know over a mirror portal that his plan utterly failed and banishes him forevers and evers. When their conversation comes to an abrupt end, Sakuya credits Leafa for saving them. She, however, chooses to credit the Big Strong Man in all this. Alicia turns out to have a brain because she quickly calls out Kirito's ambassador lie for exactly what it is. She and Sakuya lampshade how stupid this all is, and then proceed to drape over him like a pair of sexy curtains. I am not even joking. Sakuya and Alicia proceed to flirt with Kirito for no reason than because BODY PILLOWS DAMMIT WE MUST SELL ALL THE MERCHANDISE. Leafa puts a stop to the otaku-pandering quickly, thank God. Our heroes mention their quest to head to the World Tree, with Leafa casually mentioning that she plans to return to Sylph territory after all this is over. After some more thank yous, we find out that the Cat Siths and Sylphs were planning to go to the World Tree together, and our heroes ask if they can tag along. When asked why, we FINALLY get an indirect mention of Asuna and Dan Backslide. Yup, less than five minutes until the end, and only NOW do we get plot development. I see Fairy Dance is taking the Code Geass approach to filler. 
[...I will get to YOU soon enough.] Kirito decides that it'd be better to get to the tree base on his own rather than storm it with the others. He pays the two groups with a whole bunch of monies because...he has that now. The Sylphs and Cat Siths depart, leaving our heroes alone for now. Then we get a whole bunch of Komedy and reminders that Yui exists and so forth that I'd rather not talk about. Let's skip ahead to the last scene! We cut to Asuna FINALLY DOING SOMETHING. More specifically, she gets up, types in the password to her cage, then gets out. I would be happy, except this is trivial and doesn't make up for all the nothing that Asuna was doing before. Let's just be glad this episode is over. *** ZZZZZ...huh? Oh, my thoughts? Boring, stupid, waste of time, all that. I have little to say that I haven't been saying since Fairy Dance began. But honestly, were you expecting something different? See you soon. COUNTS It's All The Same To Me: 10 NEXT TIME: More recap! |
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Gina Szanboti
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iirc, this actually does have a purpose, but that doesn't make the execution of it any less stupid or boring.
Since I may not be remembering correctly, it's hard to believe that what I think I remember all happens in only five episodes, especially considering how much time they've wasted up to now. Maybe it all just seemed longer, like waiting for a class to end. |
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Akane the Catgirl
Posts: 1091 Location: LA, Baby! |
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Akane Recaps Sword Butt Online Episode Twenty-One: My Emotions Are Dead
Last time on SAO: Kirito and Leafa: To the meeting! Kirito: Hey, look, the World Tree. That was easy. Leafa: We must stop the Salamanders, Kirito! Kirito: Oh no, we're outnumbered! Leafa: Now would be a good time to quit, Kirito. Kirito: KIRITO NEVER QUITS. Leafa: Jesus Christ. At the meeting! Salamanders: We're here to ruin everything! Kirito: Not on my watch! Sakuya: Oh my god. Leafa: I know, right!? Commander: Who the f**k are you? Kirito: I'm...um...someone important. Everyone: What? Leafa: Don't look at me! I'm not the idiot here! Commander: Let's you and me fight! Kirito: Okay. They fight and Kirito wins because of course he does. Everyone: Hooray! Leafa: My friend is sooooo hawt! Commander: I'm going home. Good game, Kirito. Kirito: Um...you too. Leafa: I should probably mention that my former group leader caused this whole mess. Sakuya: Thank you, Leafa. Alicia? Alicia: I'm on it! A portal-mirror-thing is set up! Group Leader: What is it? Sakuya: You're fired. Group Leader: Goddamit. Everyone: Hip hip hooray for Kirito! Alicia: I want to have hot sex with you, Kirito. Sakuya: Not if my boobies get there first! Leafa: NOT NOW. Kirito: Alright. Let's go to the World Tree so I can have sandwiches! Yui: And I'm Yui! Just wanted to remind you that I exist! At the Golden Birdcage... Asuna: I'm so tired of this. I'm gonna do something! Asuna types in the passcode. Asuna: That was stupidly simple. I'm off to find My Man! Here we are at the home stretch, ladies and gentleman, with "The Truth of Alfheim". I would feel anything, but the sheer badness of Fairy Dance has killed off all my emotions painfully and slowly. So when I see some of the more questionable parts of this arc during these select twenty-three minutes, I don't feel anger and disgust. I feel nothing. Absolutely nothing. Let's see why. *** We open on our heroes looking on in wonder at Arun, which lies at the base of the World Tree. They marvel over how big the city is when suddenly, there's an announcement! The servers are going to be down for eleven hours, so Kirito and Leafa decide to find an inn and finally go outside for once. However, because Kirito stupidly handed all their monies to Sakuya, they need to find as cheap a place to stay as possible. Riveting. We then cut to Asuna running away. I have the feeling this is the maximum amount of agency she is ever going to get during this entire arc. Suddenly, she encounters a ~mysterious passageway~ on her escape route. What does it lead to? Oooooooh boy will there be words. We cut back to the real world, where Kirito is washing his face outside. Suguha comes out, tired after staying up playing video games. Kirito warns his little sister not to go overboard before acknowledging his own hypocrisy, then pranks her by pouring some cold water down her back. Watching this scene, I actually feel somewhat sad. I like seeing Kirito and Suguha acting like real siblings instead of the squicky incestuous sideplot we’ve been getting this entire damn arc. Meanwhile in Alfheim, Asuna continues to sneak through the ~mysterious passageway~. Suddenly, she finds a map of the entirety of the game’s world! She spots the location of an experiment hanger, and she flashbacks to Dan Backslide Evilly telling her his Evil Science Money Muahaha Plan. What will become of THIS development? Trust me, it’s just as stupid as you think it is. In real life, Kirito and Suguha are chopping up lettuce. Suguha wants to go get parfaits (and for payback, Kirito has to pay for them), but her big brother is too busy. After all, he has to go to the hospital and mope over losing his waifu to a richer and older man. Suguha offers to come along, though, which makes Kirito happy. Meanwhile, Asuna stumbles upon a room filled with large gray capsules. What catches her attention is that fact that all of them have holographic projections of the human brain. To her horror, our heroine realizes that these are the other players that got trapped in ALO (remember them?), all reduced to brains in figurative jars. Wait a minute... 
[Stop reminding me of better anime I could be watching right now.] Asuna resolves to save the other players, but before she can do anything awesome, two EVIL SCIENTISTS come in. They are...slimes. Why the hell are they slimes when everyone in this game is humanoid? You'll see, my readers. And you'll regret every decision you ever made ever. Back in the real world, Kirito and Asuna are going on a bus and talking about Kirito's school situation because my god we need to pad this out to twenty minutes. Kirito has been out of school for around two years due to the events of the Aincrad arc, and apparently, he's going to go to a school set up for survivors of SAO. Um...wouldn't it make more sense if he went to a school online, because those exist. Oh, what am I saying? This is Fairy Dance, where black is white, up is down, and short is long! At the same time, Asuna continues to find a way out. She manages to locate the system console, runs to it, and successfully reaches it. But just as she's about to log out, a menacing pair of tentacles reaches from behind. What does THIS mean? Ooooooh boooooy. We cut to Suguha marveling over how amazing the hospital Asuna is staying at is (that's nothing compared to the hospital where my brother got his treatments). They go straight to her room, where Kirito introduces Suguha to Asuna's sleeping body. This could have worked as a heartwarming scene if not for the fact that it's far too late to get me to care about the stupid romance between our heroes. Oh, and the incest subplot doesn't help either. Meanwhile, we- 
[NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE] Okay, okay. Calm down. In this scene, Asuna has been caught by the evil scientists in the most voyeuristic way because this show must cater to every fetish imaginable. Asuna lies about her having permission to be here, but the evil scientists see right through her. All the while, Asuna continues to struggle against them. One of them leaves to ask Dan Backslide what to do next, while the other proceeds to molest Asuna in a way that makes me feel uncomfortable watching. Alright, so some of you may be wondering why I have trouble with the rape-tasticness of this scene when I had little to no problem with the more rapey aspects of Madoka Magica and Fate zero. The answer is simple. Those shows knew exactly what they were doing while this show does not. Since I know it's only going to get worse, I will save my discussion on how this show utilizes sexual assault and rape later. And one more thing... It's All The Same To Me: 11 This show could get pretty uncomfortable in regards to Asuna's love life before (e.g. Kuradeel/VPD), but here, it's really awful. ...I hate Fairy Dance so much. Fortunately for us, Asuna bites one of the gropey tentacles and the evil scientist stops. The other evil scientist comes back with orders to take Asuna back and put her under surveillance. And so Asuna is dragged back, having not accomplished much and having failed to escape her status as "trophy". I'm sorry for having to put you all through this, so have a box of kittens. 
Anyhoo, back in the real world, Suguha expresses pity for Asuna's state. She then angsts over how much of a third wheel she is to Kirito and Asuna's wub. Okay, so it's more about how confused she is, but we all know it's about the stupid love triangle thing. Seeing Kirito holding Asuna's hand only cements this. Ugh, MEANWHILE, Asuna is back in her golden birdcage. The two evil scientists change the passcode and stupidly leave, even though they were ordered to put her under surveillance. Asuna thinks about how she'll get out of her prison and that she'll met with Her Man eventually. And then she reveals she stole a card key. This is going to be the extent of her awesomeness, I fear. Somewhere else in Alfheim. Leafa wakes up crying because she's a third wheel. Kirito notices this, but doesn't get any explanation beyond "heartbreak". She apologizes for dragging him into her personal life, but he's like "no problem bruh". And then in an internal monologue, Leafa OUTRIGHT SAYS SHE'S IN LOVE WITH HER OWN DAMN BROTHER. Just in case you thought her feelings for Kazuto was subtext before, hahahaha no. The show just straight out admitted it. Even when it makes no logical sense. After that, Kirito asks Leafa if she wants to log off. She politely declines, since she's gone this far and can't really go back. We are reminded that Yui exists (I liked her better dead), then our heroes venture into the capital, where all the races live in perfect bliss and harmony. Leafa spots a mixed-race couple, adding insult to injury over how dumb incestuous love. Kirito and Leafa stop to marvel at the World Tree, which now has a huge barrier surrounding the top. We get more information that we already know, along with new info about how the only way up is to climb, our heroes venture forth to the top. Suddenly, Yui's Asuna-senses begin to tingle (still doesn't change the fact that she's useless) and Kirito flies off like the idiot he is. And that's the end of the episode THANK F**KING GOD. *** Four episodes left. Just four more, and I'm done. Oh, thoughts. Dumb, stupid, kind of disgusting, yadda yadda yadda. *collapses* Whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy... COUNTS: It's All The Same To Me: 11 |
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Gina Szanboti
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"And I'm Yui!" is on the verge of becoming a meme.
Actually, no. It would be easier, and schoolwork-wise more efficient, but part of the reason for doing it in the real world is because these kids have missed out on two years worth of normal, face-to-face, non-life-and-death interaction with their peers, and doing it online wouldn't remedy that, immersive or not. Despite Kirito's ambitions, online and offline are still different realities even in this universe. Um, considering the context, I'm not sure kittens in a box is quite the distraction you intended... On the bright side, they don't have tentacles to deal with! |
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Akane the Catgirl
Posts: 1091 Location: LA, Baby! |
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Thank you for your comments, Gina! You do have a good point in why a special school would be established for the children who survived SAO. Even I had a bit of a debate with myself over whether or not to bring it up at all.
I only have four more episodes to recap, and I hope to get them all out before New Year's Eve. You have no idea how exhausting recapping Fairy Dance was, especially because it's much worse than people say it is. Like, they'll bring up the rapey stuff and the incest, but people forget just how badly written this arc is in comparison to Aincrad. At least with the first arc, there was a sense that they were legitimately trying, even if they didn't fully succeed. It's getting to the point where I'm considering taking a full break on recapping throughout January and just doing one or two analysis posts before I begin Code Geass. |
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Akane the Catgirl
Posts: 1091 Location: LA, Baby! |
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Akane Recaps Sword Butt Online Episode Twenty-Two: Young (Dumb) Love
Last time on SAO: Kirito: Here we are in Arun, Leafa! Leafa: You got any money left? Kirito: Oh sh*t. Somewhere else... Asuna: I'M RUNNING AWAY! Ooh look, a secret tunnel! In the real world! Suguha: G'morning Kirito. Kirito: Morning Sugu. Have some water! Suguha: F**K! Inside the mysterious passageway! Asuna: A map? An experiment hangar!? WHAT DOES THIS MEAN!? Back to our heroes! Suguha: You wanna go out and get parfaits? Kirito: No, I have to visit my waifu. Suguha: That b***h... Kirito: What? Suguha: What? In the experiment hangar. Asuna: Holy sh*t! Brains in jars! I have to log out! Evil Scientists: Science, science, science! Data! We're evil! We're on a bus now. Suguha: So how's your school situation? Kirito: S'all fine. School is nice. Back to Asuna! Asuna: Must...log...out... Evil Scientists: NOT SO FAST. At the hospital! Kirito: So, Asuna, this is my little sister. Suguha: Nice to meet you...you manstealer. Kirito: Huh? Oh, must have been my mind. If only you could wake up right now. Meanwhile... Asuna: F**K YOU F**K YOU F**K YOU F**K YOU- Evil Scientist 1: Be quiet so I can grope you! Asuna: Ew, gross! You're a slime. Evil Scientist 1: You've never seen hentai, have you? Asuna: I HAVE STANDARDS, YOU A**HOLE! Evil Scientist 2: Orders from the boss. We have to take her back. Asuna: Noooooooooo- Back at the hospital... Kirito: ASUNA MY LOVE. Suguha: I hate being the third wheel. Back in the game… Asuna: This sucks. At least I stole this fancy key card. Elsewhere in Alfheim. Kirito: What’s with the long face, Leafa? Leafa: Everything is different now. Kirito and Leafa: We're off to climb the World Tree! Yui: HUMAN MOTHER LOCATED INSIDE BARRIER. Kirito: Thanks! Yui: And I’m Yui, just so you- Kirito: Yeah, I think we got it the first few times. Up, up, and away! Suguha: KIRITO YOU IDIOT! “The Grand Quest” is stupid. Here’s why. *** The episode picks up where we last left off, with Kirito stupidly flying to Asuna’s rescue while Leafa pursues him as she wonders what the hell's going on. He fails to breach the barrier because he’s an idiot as usual. Leafa attempts to knock sense into our hero's empty head, but goshdarn it, he's just so determined! Then Yui cries out for Asuna, reminding us that she exists when the show could have easily substituted her for a new character. We cut to the golden birdcage, where Asuna is...doing nothing but moping over Her Man. All of a sudden, she hears the voice of Yui calling out to her, because I don't know and I don't care. Asuna cries out to Yui and begins to weep since this is her characterization now. Fairy Dance took this confident, fairly bad*ss female lead and turned her into a wimpy damsel in distress, and I hate that. Then Asuna gets an idea to let Kirito and friends know she's there; she drops the key card she stole. Um...Asuna? Why did you throw away the key card? Why the f**k did you throw away your ONE CHANCE AT ESCAPING!? I mean, I'd understand if it only worked going in, but it was implied it worked both ways, so why didn’t you throw anything else out the cage!? 
Kirito ponders over what the item in his hands is before Yui helpfully explains that it's a special key that opens special stuff. Our hero realizes the card is from Asuna, then gets an idea. He's going to take on the quest to climb the World Tree all by himself. Even though the biggest parties weren't able to make it past the dome at the base. Um...Kirito? You might wanna take Leafa with you. She actually has a brain most of the time? And so Kirito heads down so he can finally rescue his precious waifu. Yui attempts to discourage him, but her daddy isn't going to spend another minute away from those delicious sandwiches! Kirito goes up to the gates and accepts the quest, brandishes his BFG and walks inside. The entrance up to the top of the World Tree is right above him, but it isn't going to be easy! To the tune of "swordland" (STOP IT), Kirito flies high into the sky, battling enemy after enemy. He manages to put up a beautifully animated fight, driven by his wub for Asuna, but alas! Just as Kirito's about the reach the gate, he's pierced by a bunch of arrows and swords, and he dies, having accomplished more during this battle than an entire group of experienced players failed to. Hey, wait just a minute! I just remembered something! Kirito is still wearing the Death Machine so he can play ALO. Why the f**k didn’t he die in real life? Is it because he isn’t playing SAO? Explain, Show! EXPLAIN! 
Kirito- now nothing more than a glowing soul ball thing- takes the time to philosophize over his problems. As he flashbacks, he states that he always thought this was all just a game (no he didn't), that he never cared about the rules (which worked out great for him) and that he thought he could do anything (most of the time, yes). Suddenly, Leafa comes to the rescue, being one of the only smart people in this arc. She is awesome and manages to take what's left of Kirito AND fly out before she can get killed too. Leafa is quick to heal Kirito and bring him back to normal. He thanks her, then stupidly insists he can do this on his own, even though what just happened proves otherwise. Leafa fails to convince him otherwise, and he says he has to see his waifu again, this time mentioning her by name. That's when Leafa puts two and two together and the two of them recognize each other as being Kazuto and Suguha. Wait...that’s how Leafa recognizes her own f**king brother? Not by appearance or voice or even how similar his avatar's name is to his real one, but by the fact that JUST NOW he refers to his friend as “Asuna”? This...is bullsh*t. Yeah, I’m calling this out! Suguha is an idiot for not recognizing Kirito under his paper-thin disguise, Kirito is an idiot for not recognizing the voice of his OWN LITTLE SISTER, and most importantly, the show is an idiot for thinking the audience would buy this contrivance-built plot point! 
It's All The Same To Me: 12 The show has always had an issue with forcing plot points and character interactions, but this...this is bad. This is worse than when Kirito left in Episode Two because reasons. This is worse than the Deus ex Machina at the end of Aincrad. UGH. So Suguha logs out, distressed over this melodramatic subplot right out of a soap opera. Kirito knocks at her door, asking her what's wrong, which would be everything. Suguha faces her older brother and finally tells him all about her unrequited feelings and that she hates herself for having been attracted to him in the first place. Kirito apologizes, but it's not enough for Suguha, who slams the door in his face and goes off to cry on her bed. You know...this could have worked. The emotions are right there. Imagine that you finally got over your crush on a childhood friend after seeing that you have no chance of being with him. Imagine that you then find out one of your online friends (who you've been slowly falling in love with) IS your crush all along. Wouldn’t that be embarrassing and awful? There’s just one problem. THEY’RE BROTHER AND SISTER. I realize now that I forgot to talk about the Westermarck effect in my recap of Episode Seveteen. It goeth thusly; two children raised together in a familial environment will not grow up to be romantically or sexually attracted to each other. Suguha and Kirito grew up together as brother and sister first and cousins second. Suguha should never have gotten the hots for Kirito as soon as she found out they weren’t blood siblings! And you know what the worst part is? The acting and animation are strong in this scene! This may be one of Cassandra Lee’s best performances, and you can really feel the heartbreak in her voice! I wanted to like this, but the melodramatic context just makes it so much worse and so much dumber! It doesn’t help that Suguha’s entire subplot is pointless because it’s built around shipteasing with one half of an established couple! Well, that’s how the episode ends, with Suguha devastated over the stupid non-romance she had with Kirito. Bleh. *** This is so dumb and stupid. Everything about this stupid subplot and this stupid romance is...exactly what you think it is. Just three more episodes, and I can permanently put this show behind me. I’m ready to escape this...thing. COUNTS: It's All The Same To Me: 12 |
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Gina Szanboti
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Making them childhood friends in any other anime would've worked, but not here. Why? Because if they weren't related, she would have been angling to be his waifu long before Asuna showed up, just like every other female character in the series. Not only that, but Asuna would then have been competing against Sugu during the first half of the series, without ever having met her. In other words, by the time Fairy Dance came along, they would've been asking us to believe he'd had a female, unrelated childhood friend who hadn't already staked her claim, and that runs counter to the established mythos of Kirito's Irresistable Magnetism. Being related was the only thing keeping her at bay, and even that wasn't enough. |
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Akane the Catgirl
Posts: 1091 Location: LA, Baby! |
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@ Gina Szanboti
I was only using "childhood friend" as an example. Personally, I would have made Suguha and Kirito actual blood siblings and removed the romance subplot because it's just there to draw in the imouto crowd and that's it. I wouldn't necessarily cut out Sugu, since I do find her likable. I'd just give her a character arc that didn't revolve around men. |
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Chiibi
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It may not matter to you but.....um In Japan, step-siblings can get married if they want. The Westermarck Effect always bothered me enough to not even like most childhood friend pairs...however, it simply doesn't apply to everyone. Some people are.....you know.....weird. 
I hate Suguha but I thought the emotional outburst was done really well. |
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Akane the Catgirl
Posts: 1091 Location: LA, Baby! |
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They're not step-siblings, though. They're blood cousins who are adopted siblings. Thanks for the info. Personally, I found Suguha to be a very likable character. It's everything surrounding her that I hate. Sugu deserves a better show. Actually, I really want to see her in a magical girl type show. Now there's something I'd pay good money for... |
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Chiibi
Posts: 4829 |
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That's the same thing. Cousins can get married too.
Here's what pissed me off about Suguha: "WAAAH WAAH my crush won't love me cause his girlfriend is in a coma with a creeper praying on her 24/7 and my crush is going through such emotional turmoil BUT WHO CARES, IT'S ALL ABOUT ME!! WHY WON'T HE LOVE ME? BOO-HOO. I SHALL ACT LIKE A BITCH BECAUSE I WAS TOO STUPID TO REALIZE OBVIOUS THINGS." ................really? How f**king SELF-ABSORBED ARE YOU!? Why the hell should I feel sorry for you when the two co-stars I love are suffering so much more!? You are the LAST person in this show to feel sorry for! SO PETTY. I hate her. I haaaaaaaate her for totally stealing the spotlight as the "heroine" of this arc. Plus she's ugly. I really dislike everything about her. Worst girl in SAO by far. I prefer to call her "Suckuha"
(Vaisaga loves her though) Hell no, if anyone's getting a magical girl spin-off; IT SHOULD BE SILICA. She already has the age, the pigtails, the outifit, the hair decs, AND the damn cute mascot. She's alllll ready to go!
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Akane the Catgirl
Posts: 1091 Location: LA, Baby! |
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Well, I know legally, they can. It's just that Kirito and Suguha were raised from infancy to think of each other as siblings, and in the case of the former, still does. With stepsiblings or cousins marrying each other, you can bet that most of the time, they weren't raised to think of each other as family. As for Suguha, that's almost exactly what I was talking about. I've made a few jokes before about Suguha being jealous of Asuna. Hell, I cracked two of them in the latest recap. To me, the issue is that I felt the story was forcing in a love triangle that didn't need to be there. Sugu on her own is a competent, intelligent female lead who doesn't take any sh*t from anyone. Sugu as a love interest is just plain awful and nonsensical. Her entire arc revolves around heterosexual romance instead of actual real character development. And yes, Silica deserves her own magical girl show. Just don't let any white bunnycats near her... |
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Chiibi
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Ugh. Yup.
I see what you did there. :'D I'll see if I can't find any fanart of Mahou Shoujo Silica-chan. Otherwise, it's up to me to draw one.
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