The Click December 16th - December 22nd
by Brian Hanson,
Good morrow to thee, fine The Click readers! I'm back for more text descriptions and joke-based content regarding the most fun one could conceivably have while staring at a screen and clicking a remote device! Disregarding Nintendo's Wii console. Which I'm having to do at the moment, despite my minty-fresh component cables just arriving to my doorstep some hours prior. All grumbling aside, I've prepared a hearty look back at the year 2006, with all of the fun ups and downs and tepid middles that permeate such nostalgia! Following that, we've got some new shows on TV! Then some old ones! Remember, though: All dates and times are tentative, all times listed are Eastern, never get caught allegedly "intimidating" a witness scheduled to testify against you on totally bogus charges involving assault and numerous counts of fraud, et cetera.
Boy, 2006. Has it been a good year? What truly defines a "good" year? How can one truly "define" an abstract concept predicated upon personal opinion? Enough digression, let's turn back the calendar a good twelve months starting at January:
QUARTER 1, JANUARY - MARCH: The Click Does Not Exist Yet?! The Lone-Wolf Writer With A New Idea!
The Click had its genesis as the realization slowly dawned upon me that most of my anime consumption had, thanks to the brilliance of TiVo, been via TV. What an interesting concept, I figured; your usual stereotype of the avid anime viewer involves gobs of legally dubious internet downloads in the form of fansubs, with anime club screenings and legit DVD purchases eking out the remainder of their anime diet. Yet, there I was, on my day off work, catching up on all the Naruto and Samurai Champloo episodes I'd missed throughout the week with the same nerdish fervor regarded to the aforementioned methods. Shortly thereafter I contacted my close friend and proud Sponsor Zac Bertschy of an idea for a column about TV broadcasts, to co-exist alongside their regular list of new manga and DVD releases. The telephone conversation, I believe, went a little like this, if memory serves:
Z: "Hello? Who's calling please?"
B: "I-It's me! Hi! Wha.... what's up!"
Z: "Uh... Brian? That you? I can barely hear you - what's all that noise in the background?"
B: "That? Nothing, no, just a... little brawl going on here but, hey! I've got this awesome idea!"
Z: "Where are you? Are you okay? I haven't heard from you in over a year. What's going on?
B: "Oh no, no, my case is fine! Air tight! But listen, I've got this great idea for a column for you website! I think you'll really, really dig it! Pass it along to your boss because I gotta..."
Z: "What 'case'? How come I'm hearing lots of profanity and glass being broken in the background? Where ARE you?"
B: "Okay, so, the column I've got in mind, it's about anime on TV! Because there's a lot of it, and most people don't have the time to really know what's on, and when! Anyway I'll e-mail you about it once I, uh, get outta here, so... bye now!" *click*
Flash forward a few months, after my 90-day probationary period was up, and The Click made its glorious internet debut!
QUARTER 2, APRIL - JUNE: The Click Enters the Fray?! Brian Versus Reruns!
Around mid-summer I quickly realized that the Honeymoon I was having with anime on TV during The Click's inception was winding down. The shows that kept me glued early in the year, Samurai Champloo and Fullmetal Alchemist's grand denouement, were over. The novelty of discovering ancient relics like Black Magic M-66 on random movie channels turned to bitterness thanks to an endless stream of repeated runs. Big networks, and for anime standards I'm talking specifically about Adult Swim and Cartoon Network here, were growing increasingly impatient on the diminishing ratings returns their anime properties were taking, so hours and timeslots were drastically cut and rearranged at a moment's whim. Wanted to watch that new episode of Bobobo-bo Bo-bobo? Enjoy Marvel's Avengers Versus the Cool Neat Toy You Want to Buy instead! Even the kiddie networks practically threw in the towel, most notably 4Kids' practically comatose syndicated "4KidsTV" block, who, instead of utilizing the notion of using girl-oriented properties such as the numerous "Magical Girl" shows they had acquired into an asset, utterly squandered them and dumped much of them early on, frustrated perhaps that none of their new kid-friendly properties were quite taking off in the same fashion as Pokemon or Yu-Gi-Oh. On a syndicated block during a time wherein TV networks have all but abandoned syndicated programming aside from old sitcoms, game shows, and Judge Judy? Ridiculous!
The only TV anime to thrive in this environment was Naruto, which is quite the testament to its prowess and prompted me to favorably compare its performance to that of Dragon Ball Z in years prior.
QUARTER 3, JULY - SEPTEMBER: New Shows Arrive?! The New Season Begins, Class Is In Session!
Toonami, in its heyday, would elicit internet fanboy gasps of both joy and sorrow practically ever moment. Remember when they announced their plan to air the first two episodes of Evangelion and other Giant Robot anime for an entire week of mech-themed programming? The Internet, particularly the ol' rec.arts.anime.misc, practically exploded. Four years later, ADV and Adult Swim announce that Evangelion will be airing, uncut and in its entirety, late Thursday nights. "What? Why? Who cares," said the Internet.
Gone is the excitement of prognosticating which anime series will wind up on TV, how edited it will be, and other such trivial minutiae. Perhaps because, unlike four years ago, it doesn't seem like any of these shows have the chance to really break out and become major hits; Outlaw Star had been a show that'd lived a mediocre life in Japan and sold mildly in the US, until Cartoon Network said they liked it, painted over the blood and nipples, and aired it to millions households across the United States at a comfy late-afternoon early-evening timeslot. People still bug the Cartoon Network to run repeats of Outlaw Star, despite their broadcast contract expiring nearly three years ago.
Thus, when a big, potential hit like Bleach arrives on the Japanese airwaves, and gaggles of IRC-dwelling fansub kids try to one-up each other by translating each episode worse and making the bouncy, utterly asinine "karaoke" song subtitles more obnoxious than the competitions', people automatically assume, and with good reason, that that series is utterly destined to arrive on TV. A given. Natch.
QUARTER 4, OCTOBER - DECEMBER: The Time That Is Now?! Oh Dear Sweet Hopping Lord I Think There's a Spider On Me!
And we arrive presently at the present. The new shows are few, and rather mild, but at least they exist.
Speaking of presents, here's what's brand-new and on your idiot box this week:
Saturday December 16 5:00am - Episode 6 "Conflict"
A rather nasty game glitch threatens the natural, digital order of things. Missing from the episode: footage of the MMORPG players angrily calling and threatening the tech support people.
Thursday December 21 5:30pm - Episode 25 "Destiny" (Repeats Fri Dec 22 12:30am)
Yikes, Razer's can't-beat-it trifecta of anime goodness is wrapping up! Too bad they only have Cowboy Bebop and Samurai Champloo, two of the best anime shows ever, to take their places. Alas and alack!
Anyway, dark ninja action concludes with the fate of the two secret scrolls being decided and other fun, violent things.
Sunday December 17 12:00am - Episode 15 (Repeats Sun Dec 17 3:00am)
This episode's subtitle: "National Lampoon Presents Bleach: Kon and His Hunt for (crude sex euphemism)!" Yes, as the show takes a quick one-episode detour en route to the next season-spanning "Soul Society" story arc, we get to see Kon attempt to get his groove on.
Friday December 22 10:30pm - Episode 16
Oh, the "Soul Society" arc? That starts here - Rukia becomes the target of some seemingly unsavory characters sent on a mission to retrieve her, with lots of action and drama ensuing of course.
Monday December 18 3:00am - Episode 28 "Maybe the Grass Ain't Greener"
Super Robot ACTION-TIME START! Watch it or die! Can you do any less?
Sunday December 17 12:30am - Episode 34 "Inner Flight" (Repeats Sun Dec 17 3:30am)
With practically the entirety of the Gekkostate intact, in spite of Holland's grand gesture in the prior episode, the 'state sets off once again to establish peace between the human race and the Corallian.
Friday December 22 9:30pm - Episode 15 "Human Behavior"
Renton and the Gekkostate arrive in a small, sleepy villa known as Controrado, to which Renton once called his humble abode. And just when he's trying to show his gal, Eureka, around the digs, the United Federation Fuzz shows up and totally blitzes his mojo!
Friday December 22 10:00pm - Episode 42 "His Name Is Unknown" (Repeats Sat Dec 23 1:00am)
It's the final season of FMA, Canada! Along with the final confrontation between Ed and Scar, you finally get to see the totally bitchin' opening song and animation set to the totally kickin' Asian Kung Fu Generation. Rad!
-Monday December 18 8:30pm - Episode 5 "And Then the Rain Will Fall"
-Tuesday December 19 8:30pm - Episode 6 "The Five Masks"
-Wednesday December 20 8:30pm - Episode 7 "If I Could Fly"
-Thursday December 21 8:30pm - Episode 8 "Wandering Pair"
-Friday December 22 8:30pm - Episode 9 "Snow Melts the Heart"
Week Two of Gad Guard on G4TechTV's much more sane and viewable Canadian equivalent continues! This week: a rash of GADs are heisted from various museums, causing all kinds of chaos and such! Egad!
-Thursday December 21 6:00am - Episode 5 "Reveal"
-Friday December 22 6:00am - Episode 6 "Hidden"
It's a show about bike-racing. Let me guess: the kid with the fiery red hair has dreams of being the best bike racer ever, while the kid with the glasses and the fanny pack is a nerdy tech-savvy kid with dreams of being the best bike mechanic when his friend eventually becomes the best bike racer ever, and other such spoilers.
Saturday December 16 9:00pm - Episode 66 "Bushy Brow's Jutsu: Sasuke Style"
Sasuke finally arrives on the scene, to much applause and kudos, and proceeds to assault the evil Gaara with moves lifted from Gaara's former opponent; the crippled Rock Lee. Meanwhile, questions arise as to the kind of training the cheery Kakashi took upon the lone "revenger."
Thursday December 21 5:00pm - Episode 25 "The Last Battle" (Repeats Fri Dec 22 12:00am)
The traitorous Ukyo has an army numbering in the thousands and a fleet capable of leveling entire towns - yet, the brave and noble Samurai still remain, faithful to the Kanna village to the bitter end. Man, what great guys.
Saturday December 16 11:30pm - Episode 15 "The Night Lords I: Return of the Envoy" (Repeats Sun Dec 17 2:30am)
So called "Return of the Envoy," I suppose, because of the role Sister Esther and Father Abel occupy in returning an imperial envoy, Ion, to Byzantium. Y'know, I was raised a Mormon, but I still have no idea where the hell they get these crazy biblical names. Well, except for Abel. Byzantium? Must've slept in that Sunday.
Saturday December 16 7:30pm - Episode 84 "Generation neXt"
Execrable advertising slogan, or the title of this week's new Yu-Gi-Oh episode? Considering Yu-Gi-Oh's role in blurring the line between outright marketing and entertainment, perhaps it can be both! This week: a Chancellor initiates the Duel World Cup, causing probably card dueling to occur!
-Saturday December 16 9:30pm - Episode 74 "Pamoon, the Celestial Warrior"
-Saturday December 16 10:00pm - Episode 75 "Free Yourself From a Thousand Years of Pain"
Zatch and his human and totally platonic traveling companion Kiyo befriend Pamoon, a kindly mamodo with a real jerk for a master, whom the titular character convinces to dump and move on with his life.
Pokemon: Jirachi Wish Maker
Saturday December 16 5:00pm
Pokemon: Destiny Deoxys
Wednesday December 20 11:30am
Karas: The Prophecy
Saturday December 16 8:35pm (Repeats Sun Dec 17 11:20am)
Sunday December 17 7:30pm (Repeats Mon Dec 18 2:40am)
Friday December 22 6:00pm
Yawn! Yawn, damn it! LET THESE THINGS REST FOR A BIT BEFORE REPLAYING THEM ANOTHER FOUR OR FIVE TIMES A WEEK. BUY SOMETHING ELSE OUT OF MEDIA BLASTERS OR MANGA'S DVD CATALOG. IT IS GETTING TO THE POINT WHERE I SIMPLY SEE THESE TITLES AND I GET PISSED OFF. I NEED TO TAKE MY PILLS NOW.
That's all for this week! Stay tuned for next week's installment, with two sets of two hot new shows set to premiere on either side of the Canadian American border! Below: Repeats!
-Sun Dec 17 9:30pm - Episode 115 "Kenny's Big Battle" (R Mon Dec 18 2:00am)
-Mon Dec 18 12:10am - Episode 20 "Temptation" (R Tue Dec 21 6:05pm, Fri Dec 22 12:35am, 5:30am)
-Fri Dec 22 9:00pm - Episode 21 "Mary Magdalene"
-Sun Dec 17 10:30pm - Episode 27 "The Battle for Ryugu"
-Sun Dec 17 9:00pm - Episode 140 "The Battle Within" (R Mon Dec 18 1:30am)
-Mon Dec 18 8:00am - Episode 143 "Song of a Sakuyamon" (R Tue Dec 19 2:30am)
-Mon Dec 18 10:30pm - Episode 165 "Can't Keep a Grumblemon Down" (R Tue Dec 19 3:00am)
-Tue Dec 19 8:00am - Episode 144 "Janyu's Ark" (R Wed Dec 20 2:30am)
-Tue Dec 19 10:30pm - Episode 166 "A Hunka Hunka Burning Greymon" (R Wed Dec 20 3:00am)
-Wed Dec 20 8:00am - Episode 145 "Homeward Bound" (R Thu Dec 21 2:30am)
-Wed Dec 20 10:30pm - Episode 167 "Fear and Loathing in Los Arbol" (R Thu Dec 21 3:00am)
-Thu Dec 21 8:00am - Episode 146 "Reunion" (R Fri Dec 22 2:30am)
-Thu Dec 21 10:30pm - Episode 168 "Better an Egg Than an Egg Shell" (R Fri Dec 22 3:00am)
-Fri Dec 22 8:00am - Episode 147 "Beezlemon's Big Day" (R Sat Dec 23 2:30am)
-Fri Dec 22 10:30pm - Episode 169 "No Whamon" (R Sat Dec 23 3:00am)
Dragon Ball Z
-Sat Dec 23 12:30am - Episode 126 "The Reunion"
-Mon Dec 18 1:30am - Episode 1
-Mon Dec 18 2:00am - Episode 2
-Tue Dec 19 1:30am - Episode 5 "Brittle Bullet" (R Tue Dec 19 5:00am)
-Wed Dec 20 1:30am - Episode 6 "FLClimax" (R Wed Dec 20 5:00am)
-Thu Dec 21 1:30am - Episode 1 "Fooly Cooly" (R Thu Dec 21 5:00am)
-Fri Dec 22 1:30am - Episode 2 "Fire Starter" (R Fri Dec 22 5:00am)
-Tue Dec 19 1:00am - Episode 22 "Created Human" (R Tue Dec 19 4:30am)
-Wed Dec 20 1:00am - Episode 23 "Fullmetal Heart" (R Wed Dec 20 4:30am)
-Thu Dec 21 1:00am - Episode 24 "Bonding Memories" (R Thu Dec 21 4:30am)
-Fri Dec 22 1:00am - Episode 25 "Words of Farewell" (R Fri Dec 22 4:30am)
G.I. Joe Sigma 6
-Sat Dec 16 10:30am - Episode "Revelations"
-Sat Dec 15 4:00pm - Episode 4 "Oju Goes Blond! Whodunnit?" (R Sun Dec 17 8:00am)
-Sun Dec 17 4:00pm - Episode 5 "Ooedoo Clan in Crisis" (R Mon Dec 18 2:00am, 8:00am)
-Mon Dec 18 4:00pm - Episode 6 "Kyo-san's Knockout Performance" (R Tue Dec 19 2:00am, 8:00am)
-Tue Dec 19 4:00pm - Episode 7 "Shirokin Boy's Choir? Say What?" (R Wed Dec 20 2:00am, 8:00am)
-Wed Dec 20 4:00pm - Episode 8 "The Class Trip Into Hell Begins" (R Thu Dec 21 2:00am, 8:00am)
-Thu Dec 21 4:00pm - Episode 9 "Schoolground Battle Without Honor" (R Fri Dec 22 2:00am, 8:00am)
-Fri Dec 22 4:00pm - Episode 10 "School in the Crosshairs" (R Sat Dec 23 2:00am, 8:00am)
-Tue Dec 19 12:30am - Episode 6 "Tetsusaiga, the Phantom Sword" (R Tue Dec 19 4:00am)
-Wed Dec 20 12:30am - Episode 167 "The Bond Between Them; Use the Sacred Jewel Shard, Part 2" (R Wed Dec 20 4:00am)
-Thu Dec 21 12:30am - Episode 147 "The Tragic Love Song of Destiny, Part 1" (R Thu Dec 21 4:00am)
-Fri Dec 22 12:30am - Episode 148 "The Tragic Love Song of Destiny, Part 2" (R Fri Dec 22 4:00am)
Kirby: Right Back At Ya!
-Sat Dec 16 8:00am - Episode "Cappy New Year"
Mon Colle Knights
-Sun Dec 17 11:00pm - Episode "Fangs for the Knight-Mare" (R Mon Dec 18 3:30am)
-Sat Dec 16 8:30pm - Episode 65 "Dancing Leaf, Squirming Sand"
-Sat Dec 16 8:30am - Episode 20 "Secret Like Sul"
-Sat Dec 16 10:00pm - Episode 22 "Revelations" (R Sun Dec 17 2:30am)
-Sun Dec 17 8:30am - Episode 21 "Ominous Like O"
-Mon Dec 18 9:00pm - Episode 5 "Cruel Like Ceres" (Repeats Tue Dec 19 1:30am, Fri Dec 22 9:00pm, Sat Dec 23 1:30am)
-Sat Dec 16 10:30pm - Episode 72 "Zero"
-Sun Dec 17 1:30am - Episode 8 "Happy Family Planning" (R Sun Dec 17 4:30am)
-Sun Dec 17 6:40pm - Episode 2 "Will"
-Sun Dec 17 7:05pm - Episode 3 "Crimson"
-Sun Dec 17 7:30pm - Episode 4 "Shadow"
-Sun Dec 17 8:00pm - Episode 5 "Moon" (R Sun Dec 17 11:40pm, Thu Dec 21 6:30pm, Fri Dec 22 1:00am)
-Fri Dec 22 7:00pm - Episode 6 "Warrior" (R Fri Dec 22 9:30pm)
-Sat Dec 16 9:00am - Episode 450 "The Ole' Berate and Switch"
-Sat Dec 16 9:30am - Episode 451 "Grating Spaces"
-Sat Dec 16 7:00pm - Episode 425 "Weekend Warrior!"
-Sun Dec 17 5:00pm - Episode 434 "Harley Rides Again"
-Sun Dec 17 5:30pm - Episode 435 "Odd Pokemon Out"
-Mon Dec 18 7:00am - Episode 414 "Sitting Psyduck"
-Mon Dec 18 5:00pm - Episode 370 "The Evolutionary War"
-Tue Dec 19 7:00am - Episode 415 "Hail to the Chef!"
-Tue Dec 19 5:00pm - Episode 371 "Training Wrecks"
-Wed Dec 20 7:00am - Episode 416 "Caterpie's Big Dilemma"
-Wed Dec 20 5:00pm - Episode 372 "Gaining Groudon"
-Thu Dec 21 5:00pm - Episode 373 "The Scuffle of Legends"
-Fri Dec 22 5:00pm - Episode 374 "It's Still Rocket Roll to Me"
-Mon Dec 18 5:30pm - Episode 6 "Cerulean Blues"
-Tue Dec 19 5:30pm - Episode 7 "We're No Angels"
-Wed Dec 20 5:30pm - Episode 8 "Showdown at the Oak Corral!"
-Thu Dec 21 7:30am - Episode 4 "Pikachu's Winter Vacation; Deliberd's Dilemma; Snorlax Snowman" (R Fri Dec 22 12:00pm)
-Thu Dec 21 5:30pm - Episode 9 "The Blue Badge of Courage"
-Fri Dec 22 5:30pm - Episode 10 "Oaknapped!"
(Independant Film Channel)
-Sat Dec 16 8:00am - Episode TBA
-Sat Dec 16 8:30am - Episode TBA
-Sun Dec 17 1:00am - Episode 8 "The Art of Altercation" (R Sun Dec 17 4:00am)
Samurai Deeper Kyo
-Sat Dec 16 12:00am - Episode 11 "Pitch Black Flashback" (R Sat Dec 16 12:00pm)
-Sat Dec 16 12:30am - Episode 12 "The Boy From the Deep Forest" (R Sat Dec 16 12:30pm)
-Tue Dec 19 12:00am - Episode 13 "Crossing Souls" (R Tue Dec 19 12:00pm)
-Tue Dec 19 12:30am - Episode 14 "Satan Again" (R Tue Dec 19 12:30pm)
-Wed Dec 20 12:00am - Episode 15 "Our Friend Red Tiger" (R Wed Dec 20 12:00pm)
-Wed Dec 20 12:30am - Episode 16 "Perfect Victory" (R Wed Dec 20 12:30pm)
-Thu Dec 21 12:00am - Episode 17 "The Secret Talk of Girls" (R Thu Dec 21 12:00pm)
-Thu Dec 21 12:30am - Episode 18 "Nurturing the Devil" (R Thu Dec 21 12:30pm)
-Fri Dec 22 12:00am - Episode 19 "Thunderbolt Attack" (R Fri Dec 22 12:00pm)
-Fri Dec 22 12:30am - Episode 20 "Far Away, To Absolute Zero" (R Fri Dec 22 12:30pm)
-Sat Dec 16 4:30pm - Episode 17 "The Secret Talk of Girls" (R Sun Dec 17 8:30am)
-Sun Dec 17 4:30pm - Episode 18 "Nurturing the Devil" (R Mon Dec 18 2:30am, 8:30am)
-Mon Dec 18 4:30pm - Episode 19 "Thunderbolt Attack" (R Tue Dec 19 2:30am, 8:30am)
-Tue Dec 19 4:30pm - Episode 20 "Far Away, to Absolute Zero" (R Wed Dec 20 2:30am, 8:30am)
-Wed Dec 20 4:30pm - Episode 21 "The Demonic Mibu Castle" (R Thu Dec 21 2:30am, 8:30am)
-Thu Dec 21 4:30pm - Episode 22 "The Machine Made Dolls" (R Fri Dec 22 2:30am, 8:30am)
-Fri Dec 22 4:30pm - Episode 23 "Scorching Ecstasy" (R Sat Dec 23 2:30am, 8:30am)
-Sat Dec 16 4:00am - Episode 23 "Bear Claws"
-Sun Dec 17 10:00pm - Episode 15 "Mechano City" (R Mon Dec 18 2:30am)
-Tue Dec 19 4:00am - Episode 24 "The Nightmare Dream Center"
-Wed Dec 20 4:00am - Episode 25 "Eilis of the Storm"
-Thu Dec 21 4:00am - Episode 26 "Reviving Yakumo"
-Fri Dec 22 4:00am - Episode 27 "Lanancuras Arises"
Submarine 707 Revolution
-Thu Dec 21 7:50am - Episode 1 "Mission: 01" (R Thu Dec 21 10:50am)
-Thu Dec 21 8:50am - Episode 2 "Misson: 02" (R Thu Dec 21 11:50am)
-Mon Dec 18 6:00am - Episode 35 "Escape"
-Tue Dec 19 6:00am - Episode 36 "Family"
-Wed Dec 20 6:00am - Episode 37 "Titans"
-Tue Dec 19 5:30am - Episode 21 "It'll Be a Cold Day"
-Wed Dec 20 5:30am - Episode 22 "The Deadly Flowers"
-Thu Dec 21 5:30am - Episode 23 "It Takes Real Lions"
-Fri Dec 22 5:30am - Episode 24 "Raid of the Alien Mice"
-Sat Dec 16 9:30am - Episode 9 "Duel With a Ghoul"
-Sat Dec 16 10:00am - Episode 10 "Give Up the Ghost"
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