So this is it. Answerman's 100th column. I never thought I'd make it this far. In the spirit of celebration, I thought I'd finally answer some of the harder and more obscure questions I've gotten over the past 17 months.

Dear Answerman,

How are babies made?


Well, the intro touts me as the “anime” answer man, but I suppose I can field this question. You see, at the north pole, there's a race of penguins that run a baby factory. Basically it's a big machine that pumps children out and ships them to various families in need. Some need more than others, so the penguins sometimes have their flippers full with big orders. They work a little too hard, sometimes, hence overpopulation. If they ever make a mistake, there's a big red “ABORT” button on the side of the machine. All babies are individually numbered so the penguins won't make duplicates. It's a pretty efficient system, actually. I believe there's a NOVA special on it.

Hopefully this answered your question.

Yo Answerman,

How many licks does it take to get to the center of a tootsie pop?


I don't know. I'm going to have to ask Mr. Owl.

Attached is a carbon copy of my correspondence with Mr. Owl.

FROM: Answerman TO: Mr. Owl
Subject: RE: Tootsie Pop Licks

>Mr. Owl,
>Some jerk asked me how many licks it takes to get to the center of a tootsie pop. I heard
>you knew. Little help?

Dear Answerman,

Three. It takes three friggin' licks. Now leave me the heck alone.

-Mr. Owl

Hey Answerman,

When is Sailor Moon Sailor Stars coming to the United States?


Tomorrow. I promise.

Hey Answerman,

My friend told me that his friend said that another friend of his told him that some guy at the Circle K mentioned something about overhearing a conversation between the clerk and this Korean cab driver that the cab driver overheard two of his passengers talking about a business meeting they were at where the boss mentioned a conversation he was having with his friend where his friend said that his friend told him that a friend of his mentioned something about his wife being lead to believe by the neighbor kid that his dad told him that he read on the internet that Evangelion is being edited and put on Cartoon Network. Is that true?

-Ronin Yau

Yeah, it's true. I heard that one from my maid who told me that she heard it from her brother, who heard it from his boss who overheard it one day while walking past a soup kitchen that had two hobos out in front discussing the future of television anime licensing. Airs next week.


What's the meaning of life?


This is an easy one. The answer is, every rose has its thorn. Just like every night has its dawn. Just like every cowboy sings a sad, sad song.

I thought everyone knew that?

Seriously, it's been a blast writing this column for the past 17 months. I owe a big thanks to my editors, Cookie and Tempest, who have supported me from the beginning and have let me get away with murder, even when it wasn't funny. I also owe a lot to both Tsurara and Ms. Answerman, two women without whom I'd be completely lost. This column would suck without them. Extra special thanks to T. C. (you know who you are), the only person who knows my deep, dark secret. And of course, I'd like to thank my loyal readers, without whom this column would not exist, period.

I leave you all with two quotes:
"You're never really going to get what you truly want out of life, so you're better off just being happy with what you have, no matter how screwed up it may seem." -Unknown

“Notoriety is worse than fame, but it's heaps better than obscurity.” –Terry Gilliam

Here's to 100 more.

bookmark/share with: short url

Answerman homepage / archives