April 12 - 18
by Brian Hanson,
DEAR ADULT SWIM
WHY DO YOU HATE ANIME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
you all suck
Ok, seriously. I know you guys don't hate anime, because honestly the only people who can sufficiently say that they "hate anime" are people who haven't really seen that much of it, but that's a whole other argument. And besides, you guys showed nothing but Astro Boy over the holidays, which is just about the coolest thing ever in my opinion.
Yet, it's not terribly surprising that people would think that you hate anime. You don't promote it, you hardly air any of it anymore, and your responses to people upset over these things has been "nobody likes anime, shut up."
Obviously however such a flippantly sarcastic response isn't meant to be taken seriously from a network whose only true hit shows involve animated characters farting, bleeding, and farting and bleeding out oblique pop-culture references, but still. Anime fans are passionate, dedicated, and incessantly verbose despite their niche. The only satisfaction one gains from prodding them is the (admittedly real, yet) fleeting feeling of sadistic glee.
The real issue, I feel, is that the main reason cited for the recent cutback and dearth of anime is "ratings." Now, you probably don't need me to elaborate on how thoroughly messed up the current Nielsen ratings system is. A few years ago I heard a frustrated Jason DeMarco opine at a panel promoting IGPX that "[the current Nielsen system] has too many hands greasing the other to keep it going..." before deciding to quell that rant before he suddenly found himself unemployed. Even so, your top rated shows are, of course, Family Guy, and... Robot Chicken? Aqua Teen, kinda? Futurama, until Viacom bought it? The rest of your lineup tends to earn numbers in the mid-to-low six figures in the crucial 18-34 demographic. What ratings does anime typically receive? Mid to low six figures.
My point is simple. It's foolish to think that replacing repeats of Fullmetal Alchemist with Home Movies will significantly boost your ratings for a show that's airing at 1:30 in the morning anyway. Maybe, just maybe, you'll get 130,000 viewers instead of 120,000! What a fantastic improvement that will be; your advertisers and investors will surely laud such a minute improvement in viewership with free champagne and sexual favors for all!
Adult Swim, you are a low-rated but creatively ambitious and free network with two bona-fide hit shows and an entire stable of extremely niche low-budget cartoon shows. Cartoon Network and Adult Swim has had perhaps the largest stake in raising the overall fanbase for anime over the past decade or so, doing a downright kickass job of presenting viewers a largely unspoiled view of the incredibly varied fields of programming that anime offers. It's sad to see them falter on this a bit for largely unspecified and mostly nonsensical reasons.
Unless, of course, you do hate anime.
Castle of Cagliostro
Thursday April 17 2:30am
Castle of Cagliostro is an amazing movie, one of my all-time favorites, and I could probably write a long-winded and extremely bloated love letter to Miyazaki's freshmen film opus totaling over 10,000 words if I wanted to.
But I won't. Instead, I will instruct anybody with a working DVR and access to Encore WAM to record this movie and watch it! And if neither of those criteria are met, then buy the DVD! Castle of Cagliostro is to Miyazaki is as Raiders of the Lost Ark is to Spielberg: timelessly entertaining features by somewhat experienced but still young directors that still hold up as fresh, fun, lively, and engaging today as they did over twenty years ago.
Bakugan Battle Brawlers
Saturday April 12 11:00am - Episode 8 "Girls Just Want to Have Fun"
After vanquishing their pop-star foes, our Bakuganning Bakugan enthusiasts learn more about the Bakugan and how they came to Earth in order to Bakugan it up. BAKUGAN
-Tuesday April 15 12:00am - Episode 15 "Swan Song at Dawn" (Repeats Fri Apr 18 3:05pm)
-Tuesday April 15 12:30am - Episode 16 "Greenback Jane" (Repeats Fri Apr 18 3:35pm)
Man, a DVD release for Black Lagoon's 2nd season would sure be great, huh? Gee, I wonder if strong TV ratings would possibly convince certain possibly-interested companies to think about doing such a thing? HINT HINT.
Sunday April 13 12:30am - Episode 59 (Repeats Sun Apr 13 3:30am)
Things Are Never As They Seem, as Ichigo and Byakuya discover during their intense battle, and noble Captain Hitsugaya realizes when he ventures into the Central Office of the Soul Society.
Saturday April 12 9:00am - Episode 3 "Shu and Jiro: Rivals in Training" (Repeats Sat Apr 12 10:00pm)
Given that this show is a bizarre meld of Shonen Jump-based anime and fighting game-based anime, you can bet that Blue Dragon features two things: training and fighting! This week, Shu trains. Next week: fights.
Sunday April 13 1:00am - Episode 25 "Silence" (Repeats Sun Apr 13 4:00am)
Friday April 18 10:00pm - Episode 25 "Silence" (Repeats Sat Apr 19 1:30am)
In both America and Canada this week, Light works his Machiavellian mojo over an easily-swayed individual in order to eliminate some of his greatest enemies.
Monday April 14 9:30pm - Episode 239 "Memory is the First Thing to Go!" (Repeats Fri Apr 18 9:30pm)
Marcus and his fellow grade-school digital freedom fighters are captured, and its up to their Digi-pals, the Digimon, to save the day! Or night, depending upon the time of viewing.
Saturday April 12 9:30am - Episode 26 "Double or Nothing"
The D-Team rounds up who they think are members of the ruthless Alpha Gang, that greedy gaggle of villains, but things are not always what they seem. I promise to stop saying that phrase.
Kyo Kara Maoh
-Tuesday April 15 6:30pm - Episode 44 (Repeats Tue Apr 15 9:30pm, Wed Apr 16 2:00am, 2:00pm)
-Tuesday April 15 7:00pm - Episode 45 (Repeats Tue Apr 15 10:00pm, Wed Apr 16 2:30am, 2:00pm)
Much like Black Lagoon, wouldn't it be terrific if, like, a bunch of people who had ImaginAsianTV all watched the second season of Kyo Kara Maoh, currently unavailable on DVD, so that at some point it could be available on DVD? Yeah.
-Saturday April 12 9:00pm - Episode 156 "Raiga's Counterattack"
-Saturday April 12 9:30pm - Episode 157 "Run! The Curry of Life"
Friday April 18 8:00pm - Episode 131 "The Secrets of the Mangekyo Sharingan"
This week on Naruto: attempted murder, underage intoxication, blood, brutal face-punching, the brutal slaying of one's entire family. Have fun, kids!
Saturday April 12 9:30am - Episode 518 "Tears For Fears!"
Pokemon makes yet another stride towards its inevitable goal of conquering the known universe, as its new season starts up this Saturday. Join Ash and friends as they have a picnic!
Sunday April 13 12:00am - Episode 27 "Shin Wars" (Repeats Sun Apr 13 3:00am)
I was this close to making this week's Shin Chan season premiere my Click Pick, which, given how indelibly amazing Castle of Cagliostro is, is quite high praise. So once you're done watching Lupin III's high-spirited antics, you should also check out Shin Chan and his foul-mouthed pals re-enact Star Wars.
-Monday April 14 11:00pm - Episode 23 "Snow Scene of Glass"
-Monday April 14 11:30pm - Episode 24 "Hearts in the Distance"
Man and Tengu, together at last! Solving crimes, breaking hearts, kicking ass. In that order.
Saturday April 12 10:30am - Episode 17 "The Elite Guard" (Repeats Sun Apr 13 11:00am)
The precious AllSpark, which if you recall from the hit feature film has the magical powers of being a MacGuffin, is retrieved by the Cybertron Elite Guard. Who are an Elite Guard, from Cybertron.
Saturday April 12 10:00am - Episode 139 "A Sight Unseen, Part 1"
The so-called "Supreme King" turns out to be a very familiar person to those following the epic plotline of Yu-Gi-Oh GX. I won't say whom, but... okay, well, it's Jaden. Who is the, uh, main character.
Monday April 14 4:50pm
The Weathering Continent
Sunday April 13 3:10am (Repeats Thu Apr 17 4:00am)
Friday April 18 7:50am (Repeats Fri Apr 18 3:15pm)
Karas: The Prophecy
Friday April 18 11:50am
Boy, they sure are showing The Weathering Continent a lot this week.
...That's all, really.
Next week: I take on the Spice Channel, General Motors, the Labor Party, and Little Lord Fauntleroy!
Bakugan Battle Brawlers
-Sun Apr 13 10:30am - Episode 7 "Bakugan Idol"
-Fri Apr 18 9:30pm - Episode 5 (R Sat Apr 19 2:00am)
-Sat Apr 12 10:00pm - Episode 3 "Watch the Troublesome Devil" (R Fri Apr 18 3:00pm)
-Sat Apr 12 10:30pm - Episode 4 "Paris-Like Aggressor" (R Fri Apr 18 3:30pm)
-Mon Apr 14 9:30am - Episode 12 "Gorgeous European Temptation" (R Tue Apr 15 5:30am)
-Tue Apr 15 9:30am - Episode 13 "My Love, Don't Go" (R Wed Apr 16 5:30am)
-Wed Apr 16 9:30am - Episode 14 "Cleopatra Ransom" (R Thu Apr 17 5:30am)
-Thu Apr 17 9:30am - Episode 15 "Bodysuit Flying at Night" (R Fri Apr 18 5:30am)
-Fri Apr 18 9:30am - Episode 16 "Monday is Smiling Day" (R Sat Apr 19 5:30am)
-Sun Apr 13 1:30am - Episode 25 "The Real Folk Blues, Part 1" (R Sun Apr 13 4:30am)
-Sun Apr 13 1:30am - Episode 160 "Ladies and Gentleman: The Beetlemon!"
-Sun Apr 13 6:30am - Episode 161 "A Molehill Out of a Mountain" (R Mon Apr 14 1:30am)
-Mon Apr 14 6:30am - Episode 22 "Forget About It!"
-Tue Apr 15 6:30am - Episode 23 "Weregarurumon's Diner"
-Wed Apr 16 6:30am - Episode 24 "No Questions, Please"
-Thu Apr 17 6:30am - Episode 25 "Princess Karaoke"
-Fri Apr 18 6:30am - Episode 26 "Sora's Crest of Love"
-Sat Apr 19 6:30am - Episode 162 "Island of Misfit Boys"
-Sun Apr 13 10:00pm - Episode 13 "Arc Aile"
-Tue Apr 15 5:00pm - Episode 14 "The Return of the Hunter" (R Tue Apr 15 8:00pm, Wed Apr 16 12:30am, 12:30pm)
-Sat Apr 19 2:30am - Episode 22 "Crack Pot"
-Sat Apr 19 1:00am - Episode 6 "The Alchemy Exam"
-Sun Apr 13 10:30pm - Episode 13 "Haidee"
-Tue Apr 15 5:30pm - Episode 14 "Lost Souls" (R Tue Apr 15 8:30pm, Wed Apr 16 1:00am, 1:00pm)
-Sun Apr 13 5:00am - Episode 161 "Miroku's Past Mistake"
-Sun Apr 13 5:30am - Episode 162 "Forever With Lord Sesshomaru"
-Mon Apr 14 5:00am - Episode 163 "Kohaku, Sango and Kirara: The Secret Flower Garden"
-Mon Apr 14 5:30am - Episode 164 "Possessed by a Parasite: Shippo, Our Worst Enemy"
-Tue Apr 15 5:00am - Episode 165 "The Ultimate Key to Defeating Naraku"
-Tue Apr 15 5:30am - Episode 166 "The Bond Between Them: Use the Sacred Jewel Shard! Part 1"
-Wed Apr 16 5:00am - Episode 167 "The Bond Between Them: Use the Sacred Jewel Shard! Part 2"
-Wed Apr 16 5:30am - Episode 1 "The Girl Who Overcame Time, and the Boy Who Was Just Overcome"
-Thu Apr 17 5:00am - Episode 2 "Seekers of the Sacred Jewel"
-Thu Apr 17 5:30am - Episode 3 "Down the Rabbit Hole and Back Again"
-Fri Apr 18 5:00am - Episode 4 "Yura of the Demon Hair"
-Fri Apr 18 5:30am - Episode 5 "The Aristocratic Assassin, Sesshomaru"
-Sat Apr 19 5:00am - Episode 6 "Tetsusaiga, the Phantom Sword"
-Sat Apr 19 5:30am - Episode 7 "Showdown! Inuyasha vs. Sesshomaru"
Law of Ueki
-Sun Apr 13 11:00pm - Episode 13 "The Law of the Heavenly Beast"
-Tue Apr 15 6:00pm - Episode 14 "The Law of the Awakening Organ" (R Tue Apr 15 9:00pm, Wed Apr 16 1:30am, 1:30pm)
Mirage of Blaze: Rebels of the River's Edge
-Tue Apr 15 5:20am - Episode "Wind of the River's Edge"
-Wed Apr 16 6:50am - Episode "Dearest Wish"
-Tue Apr 15 12:00am - Episode 23 "The End"
-Tue Apr 15 12:30am - Episode 24 "The Beginning"
-Mon Apr 14 6:00am - Episode 31 "Children" (R Mon Apr 14 9:00am)
-Tue Apr 15 6:00am - Episode 32 "Lost World" (R Tue Apr 15 9:00am)
-Wed Apr 16 6:00am - Episode 33 "Last Charge" (R Wed Apr 16 9:00am)
-Thu Apr 17 6:00am - Episode 34 "Battlefield" (R Thu Apr 17 9:00am)
-Fri Apr 18 6:00am - Episode 35 "Space-Time Creation" (R Fri Apr 18 9:00am)
-Mon Apr 14 7:00am - Episode 493 "Settling a Not-So-Old Score!"
-Mon Apr 14 3:00pm - Episode 503 "A Grass Menagerie"
-Tue Apr 15 7:00am - Episode 494 "Drifloon on the Wind"
-Tue Apr 15 3:00pm - Episode 504 "One Big Happiny Family"
-Wed Apr 16 7:00am - Episode 495 "The Champ Twins"
-Wed Apr 16 3:00pm - Episode 505 "Steamboat Willies"
-Thu Apr 17 7:00am - Episode 496 "Some Enchanted Sweetening!"
-Thu Apr 17 3:00pm - Episode 506 "Top-Down Training"
-Fri Apr 18 7:00am - Episode 497 "The Grass-Type is Always Greener!"
-Fri Apr 18 3:00pm - Episode 507 "A Stand-Up Sit-Down"
-Mon Apr 14 8:30am - Episode 15 "A Happy Journey by Boat" (R Tue Apr 15 5:00am)
-Mon Apr 14 12:00pm - Episode 6 "Remi and the Open-Air Classroom"
-Tue Apr 15 8:30am - Episode 16 "Two Mothers in a Dream" (R Wed Apr 16 5:00am)
-Tue Apr 15 12:00pm - Episode 7 "Do-Re-Mi-Fa Remi"
-Wed Apr 16 8:30am - Episode 17 "Goodbye tot he Swan" (R Thu Apr 17 5:00am)
-Wed Apr 16 12:00pm - Episode 8 "Remi, Lost"
-Thu Apr 17 8:30am - Episode 18 "Don't Turn Back, Remi" (R Fri Apr 18 5:00am)
-Thu Apr 17 12:00pm - Episode 9 "Grace, the First Friend"
-Fri Apr 18 8:30am - Episode 19 "In a Heavy Snowstorm" (R Sat Apr 19 5:00am)
-Fri Apr 18 12:00pm - Episode 10 "Unforseen Incident"
Samurai Deeper Kyo(Encore WAM)
-Sun Apr 13 2:10pm - Episode 5 "Tears of the Assassin"
-Sun Apr 13 2:40pm - Episode 6 "The Duel at Hibiya Bay"
-Mon Apr 14 4:50pm - Episode 7 "Keichou Era Battle Royal"
10 Tokyo Warriors
-Tue Apr 15 1:35pm - Episode TBA
-Tue Apr 15 2:05pm - Episode TBA
-Thu Apr 17 7:35am - Episode TBA
-Thu Apr 17 8:05am - Episode TBA
-Fri Apr 18 11:05am - Episode TBA
-Fri Apr 18 11:40am - Episode TBA
-Sat Apr 19 6:05am - Episode TBA
-Sat Apr 19 6:35am - Episode TBA
-Mon Apr 14 6:00am - Episode 1 "Home Is Where the Spark Is"
-Tue Apr 15 6:00am - Episode 2 "Total Meltdown"
-Wed Apr 16 6:00am - Episode 3 "Blast From the Past"
-Thu Apr 17 6:00am - Episode 4 "The Thrill of the Hunt"
-Fri Apr 18 6:00am - Episode 5 "Nanosec"
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