The List 8 Most Impractical Fighting Regalia
by Lynzee Lamb, Sep 1st 2012
A lot of series offer up strange or absurd costumes, but most are feasible within the show's context. These characters, at the very least, provide a head-scratching moment if not all out question the series' staff's logic.
8. Ryoko Okami's Wolf Body Armor (Okami-san and Her Seven Companions)
Ryoko Okami of Otogi Bank gets in quite a few weird predicaments in her fairy-tale parody universe due to her business of taking on 'everything-except-the-kitchen-sink' odd jobs. In episode 5, the tenacious Ryoko agrees to take care of some marauding delinquents. Her enterprising pals decide to back her up by designing and equipping her with “Wolf Body Armor”. The armor itself is pretty lackadaisical, sans any real protection qualities, but its yowling Kitty Knuckles take it over the top.
7. Sasori's Hiruko Puppet Armor (Naruto Shippuden)
Sasori was obviously off his rocker when he decided cadaver puppeteering as a career choice. The maintenance on those rotting corpses must be awful, but imagine one you climb inside. Enter Sasori's favorite puppet, Hiruko. Hiruko is armor and a weapon. The impracticality of living within a dead ninja, nevermind the smell, is only exacerbated by all the crazy poisonous needles and shrapnel that shoot from every orifice and a giant scorpion tail that Sasori somehow controls.
6. Thanatos (Saint Seiya)
The entire crew of Saint Seiya's deity warriors could be on this list. Their armor designs exemplify the meaning ‘fashion over function’, and Thanatos is no exception. His armor includes every single accessory attachment known to mankind: a multi-spiked helmet, giant spaulders, a winged cape, and plated robe. The audience can write off his ability to carry the sheer weight to the fact that he's a god but the thing is crafted in a way that would prevent him from turning his head, much less doing anything as strenuous as combat.
5. Naga (Slayers)
The voluptuous Naga wears very little armor in favor of showing more skin, but she's a mage and close-quarters combat isn't exactly her forte. No, Naga's biggest head-scratcher isn't her revealing outfit; it's her giant spiked spaulders. The impractical adornment sometimes stabs Naga in the face during spellcasting, yet she never seems to give a second thought to changing her attire. As they say, beauty is pain.
4. Luna Luna (Queen's Blade Rebellion)
Any fantasy artwork fan within the last 20 years is familiar with the chainmail bikini phenomenon. Luis Royo made his living selling art of warrior women in barely-there armor. That said, I don't think Royo would ever have drawn-up Luna Luna from Queen's Blade Rebellion. Devoid of any real armor, Luna Luna makes due with a sheer shawl, an underwire bra, and a “horn” attached to her abdomen via a G-string of beads. I'm not sure what battle Luna Luna is geared up for, but she'd be at a disadvantage for any involving combat, even against her scantily-clad compatriots.
3. Nereids (Daphne in the Brilliant Blue)
The Nereids are a group of bounty hunters in post-global warming future. Most of the Earth is now water, and that is the only logical reason I can come up with why these girls fight crime in revealing underwear. Maybe it's really hot outside? Although, 15-year-old Maia's casual attire is a heavy sweater dress. The audience could suspend their disbelief if their missions took place swimming in the now vast ocean, but that isn't the case.
2. Don Krieg (One Piece)
One Piece villain Don Krieg's golden armor reveals a lot about his character traits. Armed to the brim with guns, explosives and every manner of weaponry, the suit reinforces Krieg's quantity over quality approach to battle. However, like most of the series' cast, Krieg is a pirate and for some reason it never occurred to him that waltzing around in giant steel armor in an environment where drowning is a not a rare, but an extremely common event, might be a bad idea. His brilliant gold accoutrements would have this captain sinking faster than a bikini blonde in Jaws.
1. Erza Scarlet (Fairy Tail)
Erza owns hundreds of different armor, each providing unique abilities and an even odder aesthetic. It's hard to choose which is the most hindering in battle. There's the excessively heavy but somehow still flies armor (Heaven's Wheel, Adamantine) and the magic resistance bathing suits (Flame Resistance, Sea Empress). How exactly does armor protect a body part it's not even covering? Erza would likely be better off casting magic and fighting in her more battle-sensible Heart Kruez regalia, even if it is off the rack.
The new poll: Everyone ready to charge into battle? Well, you might need to if you want to win the heart of your favorite girl in our next poll: What is your favorite Rie Kugimiya tsundere role? Is it magic casting Louise of The Familiar of Zero? The Palm-Sized Tiger of Toradora? Vote in this week's poll and describe your favorite moments in the forum.
The old poll: Taking a third of the vote last week was reformed bad boy turned world's greatest teacher Eikichi Onizuka with a lead over auto-hazard Yukari Tanizaka of Azumanga Daioh. Here's the full break down:
- Eikichi Onizuka (Great Teacher Onizuka) (32%)
- Yukari Tanizaki (Azumanga Daioh) (25.7%)
- Nozomu Itoshiki (Sayonara Zetsubou-sensei) (22.4%)
- Sid Barett (Soul Eater) (13.1%)
- Negi Springfield (Negima!) (12.6%)
- Kumiko Yamaguchi (The Gokusen) (7.1%)
- Kane McDougal (Bodacious Space Pirates) (6.7%)
- Kimura (Azumanga Daioh) (6.0%)
- Masa (My Bride is a Mermaid) (4.4%)
Anyone I missed this time around? Sound off in the forums and feel free to follow me on Twitter @ANN_Lynzee. See you next week!
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