Aharen-san wa Hakarenai Season 2

Episode 8

I come from a friend group of, frankly, exceptionally creative gift-givers. A massive box full of ketchup packets, an adult-sized shirt of Spongebob dabbing that reads “Ready to crush 3rd grade,” a photo of someone else in our friend group getting blinded by the camera's flash in a “It's a Boy!” photo frame—all of these and more were present at our most recent gift-exchange alone. And yet in spite of how prepared I should be for the absurd, nothing could've hoped to prepare me for, “I don't know what to get Aharen for her birthday. Oh I know, I'll get her a life-sized doll of me. Oh, and that's also what she got me, because I guess it's my birthday, too.”

Let's take a moment to appreciate the Olympic-level mental gymnastics it must take to arrive at “life-sized doll of me” as a potential birthday gift for your boyfriend or girlfriend even once. So to get hit with the, “Oh yeah, it's Raido's birthday, too, and that's what Aharen got him as well” twist is worthy of applause. These two are made for each other, and at this rate, I'm going to turn into the teacher who's obsessed with their esteem because their cuteness level is off the charts.

Incidentally, I'd be really curious to learn what these life-size dolls of Aharen and Raido are made out of. Are they made out of plastic—are they essentially giant, realistic Barbie dolls? Are they 3D printed? Are they plush? Or are they something else all together? And by extension of that, are the clothes made of plastic as well, or are they actual clothes? You know, these are questions worth thinking about.

Still, the (several) questions they generate aside, the only thing more bespoke than the idea of gifting your partner a life-sized doll of themselves (to match the life-sized one of yourself that you've already given them, obviously), is letting them loom ominously, almost (but not quite) menacingly above you, watching your every move at your desk. Imagine being his sister or his parents when he comes home from the party that night: Raido, getting back on the night of his birthday, holding what may as well be a clone of himself in his arms. The multitude of thoughts that must be running through their minds in that moment.

Still, for as wild as I'm sure those thoughts would be, I doubt they can still hold a candle to what was going through Raido's head when he became convinced by way of a childish drawing of apple picking that Aharen was involved in rituals that involved human sacrifices for immortality. Right off the bat, this is classic Raido letting his imagination get the better of him—the quintessential comedy of this show that I've come to know and love. And secondly, I know I've said it a dozen times by now, but more than any other bit we've seen thus far—and probably ever will see again—this is the perfect encapsulation of how Raido 10 million percent belongs at the top of every list of all time best anime boyfriends.

Let me paint you a picture: regardless of the silly circumstances the led him there, Raido has become convinced that his beloved girlfriend is practicing some manner of forbidden dark arts. A weaker man would run far, far away if they had the same idea. But Raido—my REGAL ROCKSTAR RAIDO—is too supportive and esteemed for that cowardly nonsense. Instead, this absolute god walking amongst us unworthy mortals tells Aharen that he's going to believe in her and stay with her despite this. I had to pause the episode and take a lap around my room when I saw this. Sure, he'd soon realize that Aharen is doing no such thing, but I ask you: does that matter? Does that change that Raido was ready to ride or die with Aharen? It does no such thing! For the millionth time: Raido is anime boyfriend royalty. Bring this king his crown.

Every week, this show's got me typing out the most out-of-pocket sentences, and I love that. It kind of reminds me of Scrubs in the way that, since it largely takes place in the vivid imagination of the protagonist, is truly untethered and unrestrained by any sense of logic, and thus, truly anything can (and does!) happen. You truly don't know what to expect from this show, in the best, most hilarious way possible. This show's got a unique take on absurdism, and I know that it's not going to be everyone's cup of tea, but it's easily been one of the highlights of my anime-watching weeks this season, and episodes like this are exemplary in why that is.

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Aharen-san wa Hakarenai is currently streaming on Crunchyroll on Mondays.