April 8th - April 14th
by Brian Hanson,
Before we begin with this week's televised debauchery, I'd like to take a moment to speak out against the number one killer of otherwise fine anime programs on TV: demographics.
For those unfamiliar with the practice, let me elaborate. TV ratings are measured in two ways; one is a simple “household” rating, which merely measures how many households in general are tuned to whatever program at whatever time. The other measures “demographics,” or how many people within a certain age and gender are watching whichever show at whichever time. Since cable stations like Cartoon Network can't compete with the big broadcast networks, they instead rely on programming targeted to specific demographics to bring in advertising dollars and such.
As for how this applies to anime? Well, research has shown, time and time again, the biggest audience for anime is: teenagers. Unfortunately, Cartoon Network and most of the other stations currently airing anime couldn't give a flip about teenagers watching their shows; granted, the viewership is nice, but you can't exactly sell McDonald's Happy Meals to a 15-year old. Remember the fate of Rurouni Kenshin – once the executives decided that its mostly-adolescent audience was too old for Hot Wheels, the show was quickly and loudly removed from the schedule.
Adult Swim, it seems, has simply given up. Fed up with the fact that, perhaps, due to the name “Adult Swim,” they can't proudly report age 12-17 ratings on their press reports, no matter how many repeats of Inuyasha beat out The Real World. The only time-slots they devote to anime are those that fall into the “ridiculously late or ridiculously early” category. Or, Saturday nights. Question: what other show aside from Saturday Night Live has been a regular fixture on Saturday nights? The answer would be none, because nobody watches TV on Saturday nights. This is especially sad as Adult Swim readies for Eureka 7 and Bleach, two of the biggest and most popular anime series of the past couple years. What could potentially be two very popular, mainstream-accessible series instead suffer a miserly fate in a godawful time-slot, where only the unemployed, the insomnia-suffering, and the TiVo-ers will make any difference, while all those hundreds of thousands of teens tuning in diligently every night despite their parent's protest will mean not a thing.
Aw, but let's cheer up. There's some great stuff on for this week, starting with:
My Neighbor Totoro
Thursday April 13 7:00pm
My absolute favorite Miyazaki film, and quite possibly the only film I know that actually has healing properties. Seriously, watch this movie when you're feeling sick with a cold, or depressed, or diagnosed with any number of crippling diseases – watch My Neighbor Totoro, and you will be healed. Healed, and wanting to hug everyone and everything.
Friday April 14 10:00pm - Episode 7 "Night of the Chimera's Cry" (Repeats Sat Apr 15 1:00am)
For those of you trapped in the land of maple leaves, hockey, and runaway Hollywood productions, forsooth! This week you're treated to one of the very best FMA episodes. It's touching and yet also exceedingly dark and morose, as Ed and Al suspect Tucker's Chimera research may have more to do with the disappearance of his family than he lets on.
-Saturday April 8 10:00pm - Episode 24 "The Terrifying Z-Block has Emerged!"
Bo-bobo is the sort of goofy and yet slightly disturbing and inappropriate children's TV character that would work great for some kind of mass pop-art expression. Why am I not seeing any “Bo-bobo... HAS A POSSE!” fliers pasted onto the trendy coffeehouses and clubs downtown? Don't make me do this all by myself, America. While I hammer out the details, I guess you can watch Bo-bobo and his gang wackily fight the Z-Block of the Hair Hunt Troops.
-Friday April 14 10:30pm - Episode 2 "The Kidnapped Debutante"
I missed the premiere last week! Except, of course, that I don't live in Canada and thus was denied access to Canadian television to begin with; I mean to say that I missed the premiere in my last column. This blurb is here to say that this show is surprisingly good, and all of you Canadian viewers reading this right now should tune in and watch it to ensure the series doesn't suffer the same fate it did here in the US.
-Friday April 14 9:00pm - Episode 9 "Joshua"
It's time for some flashback-in', as Rosette escorts Chrono and Azmaria to the Seventh Bell orphanage. There, she explains how she and her brother Joshua first encountered Chrono and the topsy-turvy events that followed.
Ghost in the Shell: Stand Alone Complex 2nd GIG
-Sunday April 15 12:30am - Episode 19 "Chain Reaction" (Repeats Sun Apr 15 3:30am)
The Major, after hacking into a cyberbrain hub frequented by the Dejima refugees, finally gets a lock on Kuze's location, but Section 9 runs into some rather fierce resistance in their rush to capture him. Man, why is it that the Che Guevara-esque revolutionary leaders are always the hardest ones to capture? It's like they all attended the same “Armed Resistance” seminars or something.
-Wednesday April 12 12:30am - Episode 141 "Entei, the Demon Horse Unleashed" (Repeats Wed Apr 12 4:00am)
A rash of gruesome murders said to be carried out by a woman with her infant gives the Inuyasha crew the perfect opportunity to put their skills at the game of “Clue” to good use.
-Friday April 14 9:00pm - Episode 136 "A Strange Invisible Demon Appears" (Repeats Sat Apr 15 2:30am)
Miroku, everyone's favorite shyster/playboy, devises a scheme to use his exorcisms to drain an innocent town of their wealth. Oh, that ribald rascal!
Neon Genesis Evangelion
-Friday April 14 12:30am - Episode 26 "Take Care of Yourself" (Repeats Fri Apr 14 4:00am)
The Human Instrumentality Project continues, leading to several, very pivotal questions regarding the end of the world, Shinji's identity, and more. Also, it leads one to ruminate on the nature of endings versus the public perception of finality in entertainment. These should, of course, be discussed while sipping fine pinot noir in a room crowded with middle-brow faux-intellectuals and name dropping literary figures such as Foucault, Camus, and Bunuel. (WARNING: the preceding activity may lead to a swift but deserved sucker-punch to the face.)
-Saturday April 8 10:00am - Episode 388 "Pacifidlog Jam"
-Saturday April 8 10:30am - Episode 403 "The Scheme Team"
Sorry to vent again, but you know what really annoyed me when Pokemon was a huge fad some years ago? How the press always couldn't wait to give the fad yet ANOTHER cutesy name. “Poke-mania” and stuff like that. I'm sorry, I've just had that stress welled up inside me and I had to release it, for health reasons.
Anyway, this week sees the end of the Pacifidlog contest, where May puts it all on the line for the title. Later, Ash visits his old friend, Misty! Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to march back and forth outside for a while, mouthing the obscenest of profanities, for thinking about that “Poke-madness” thing.
(Independent Film Channel)
-Saturday April 8 10:30pm - Episode 2 "The Pupil" (Repeats Sun Apr 9 1:30am, Thu Apr 13 11:30pm, Fri Apr 14 2:30am)
While on her search for powerful samurai to defend her village, Kirara runs afoul of the powerful Ukyo, son of a feudal lord, who kidnaps her. Two powerful samurai then band together to rescue her, but Ukyo's bodyguards prove themselves to be worth their cost. So please, I know that saying the words “watch!” followed by “independent film!” have the same effect as yelling “fire!” in a crowded room, but this show has nothing to do with independent films, save the channel it airs on.
-Saturday April 8 10:00am - Episode "Eye Spy"
All I know about this particular episode, is that Sonic and his gang are trapped on a mysterious planet. And, a new character named Cosmo is mysteriously ill. Also, one can fathom that Dr. Eggman is up to his usual hijinx. Mysterious!
-Saturday April 8 7:00pm - Episode 31 "Cybertron"
The Autobots overpower Megatron, and later try to revive the planet of Cybertron by transforming into mecha-priests and calling upon the power of the Robo-Holy Ghost. (This episode paid for by the Trinity Broadcasting Network.)
-Friday April 14 7:00pm - Episode 38 "Warp"
The Autobots make a trek to the imaginatively-named Giant Planet, but the ship they're traveling in harbors a terrible secret. I swear to God that will be the first and last pun for this week.
-Saturday April 8 11:30am - Episode 215 "The Dark One Cometh, Part 1"
Yu-Gi-Oh technically returned to the KidsWB Saturday morning line-up last week, but Zap2it and other TV listing warehouses had the episode listed as a rerun. Fortunately, once again you brave readers came through for me and notified me of this mistake in the forums. Bravo, good sirs! Your reward this week is, in fact, a brand-new, part-one-of-five episode of Yu-Gi-Oh!.
-Friday April 14 6:00pm - Episode 30 "Doomsday Duel, Part 2"
Jaden has a shadow duel with Nightshroud, which I'm assuming is something like shadow boxing, only with cards.
-Saturday April 8 10:30pm - Episode 52 "My Beloved Zatch"
In a state of lonely desperation, Zatch calls up his ex-girlfriend from the Mamodo world, “Just to, y'know, see how she's doing.” Chaos ensues.
Nausicaa of the Valley of the Wind
Saturday April 8 7:30pm
Nausicaa, after being saved from living on as a mediocre footnote in the annals of anime history as “Warriors of the Wind,” is now available for your viewing pleasure, uncut, unedited, and with Patrick Stewart!
Digimon: The Movie
Tuesday April 11 5:00pm
After Nausicaa, you can tune in on Tuesday to Toon Disney and watch an anime movie that is cut up, heavily altered, and shoehorned with needless jokes and puns! Or you can choose not to.
That wraps up this week's big guns, but stick around for plenty of nice reruns with great personalities. See you all next week!
-Sat Apr 8 7:30am - Episode 10 "The Bull Identity" (R Sat Apr 8 2:00pm)
-Tue Apr 11 3:30pm - Episode 3 "Something to Crow About"
-Thu Apr 11 3:30pm - Episode 4 "Ice to Meet You"
-Mon Apr 10 9:30pm - Episode 47 "Lesson for Tyson" (R Tue Apr 11 2:30am)
-Tue Apr 11 9:30pm - Episode 48 "Victory in Defeat" (R Wed Apr 12 2:30am)
-Wed Apr 12 9:30pm - Episode 49 "Wicked Wind Blows" (R Thu Apr 13 2:30am)
-Thu Apr 13 9:30pm - Episode 50 "New and Cyber Improved" (R Fri Apr 14 2:30am)
-Fri Apr 14 9:30pm - Episode 51 "Final Showdown" (R Sat Apr 15 2:30am)
-Sat Apr 8 5:30am - Episode 113 "The Blame Game"
-Sat Apr 8 8:30am - Episode 5 "Draciel of Approval"
-Tue Apr 11 5:30am - Episode 35 "When in Rome... Let It Rip!"
-Wed Apr 12 5:30am - Episode 115 "Kenny's Big Battle"
-Thu Apr 13 5:30am - Episode 116 "Picking up the Pieces"
-Fri Apr 14 5:30am - Episode 117 "Sleepless in Madrid"
-Sat Apr 8 2:50am - Episode 8 "Puppets" (R Sun Apr 9 6:05pm, Mon Apr 10 12:00am, Fri Apr 14 12:15am)
-Sun Apr 9 1:30am - Episode 14 "Bohemian Rhapsody" (R Sun Apr 9 4:30am)
-Sat Apr 8 2:30pm - Episode 2 "The Pirate Planet"
-Sat Apr 8 7:00am - Episode 30 "Almost Home Free"
-Sun Apr 9 7:00am - Episode 31 "The Eighth Digivice"
-Sat Apr 8 9:00pm - Episode 170 "Beastie Girl" (R Sun Apr 9 2:00am)
-Sun Apr 9 9:00pm - Episode 171 "The Swiss Family Digimon" (R Mon Apr 10 2:00am)
-Tue Apr 11 7:30pm - Episode 97 "Invasion of the Daemon" (R Wed Apr 12 12:30am)
-Tue Apr 11 10:00pm - Episode 18 "The Piximon Cometh" (R Wed Apr 12 3:00am)
-Wed Apr 12 7:30pm - Episode 101 "Black Wargreymon's Destiny" (R Thu Apr 13 12:30am)
-Wed Apr 12 10:00pm - Episode 19 "The Prisoner of the Pyramid" (R Thu Apr 13 3:00am)
-Thu Apr 13 7:30pm - Episode 156 "All Aboard" (R Fri Apr 14 12:30am)
-Thu Apr 13 10:00pm - Episode 20 "Earthquake of Metal Greymon" (R Fri Apr 14 3:00am)
Dragon Ball GT
-Sat Apr 8 3:30am - Episode 41 "Piccolo's Ultimate"
-Sun Apr 9 12:00am - Episode 3 "Mother" (R Sun Apr 9 3:00am)
-Tue Apr 11 12:30am - Episode 34 "Theory of Avarice" (R Tue Apr 11 4:00am)
G.I. Joe Sigma Six
-Sat Apr 8 10:30am - Episode 4 "Reveal"
Ghost in the Shell: Stand Alone Complex
-Sat Apr 8 12:00am - Episode 3 "Anrdoid and I"
Ghost in the Shell: Stand Alone Complex 2nd GIG
-Thu Apr 13 12:30am - Episode 5 "Inductance" (R Thu Apr 13 4:00am)
-Fri Apr 14 9:30pm - Episode 32 "In the Promised Land"
-Mon Apr 10 11:00am - Episode 94 "Dance, Chef Ham"
-Tue Apr 11 11:00am - Episode 95 "The Flying Carp"
-Wed Apr 12 11:00am - Episode 96 "The Ham-Ham Express"
-Thu Apr 13 11:00am - Episode 97 "Who Stole My Shoe"
-Fri Apr 14 11:00am - Episode 98 "Keeping Promises"
-Sat Apr 8 11:00pm - Episode 129 "Chokyukai and the Abducted Bride" (R Sun Apr 9 2:00am)
-Sat Apr 8 11:30pm - Episode 130 "Shippo's New Technique: The Heart Scar" (R Sun Apr 9 2:30am)
-Sat Apr 8 7:00am - Episode 7 "Caitlyn's Day Out"
-Sat Apr 8 7:30am - Episode 8 "Finally a Fairy!"
Mew Mew Power
-Sun Apr 9 7:30am - Episode 26 "Coo Coo Cocoon" (R Sun Apr 9 1:30pm)
-Sat Apr 8 12:00am - Episode 26 "Special Report: Live From the Forest of Death"
-Fri Apr 14 8:00pm - Episode 31 "Bushy Brow's Pledge: Undying Love and Protection" (R Sat Apr 15 2:00am)
Neon Genesis Evangelion
-Sun Apr 9 1:00am - Episode 23 "Rei III" (R Sun Apr 9 4:00am)
-Mon Apr 10 10:00pm - Episode 8 "Who Gets the Last Laugh?"
-Tue Apr 11 10:00pm - Episode 9 "The Teller of Tales"
-Wed Apr 12 10:00pm - Episode 10 "The Bluff and the Bluffer"
-Thu Apr 13 10:00pm - Episode 11 "The War at the Shore"
-Sat Apr 8 4:00am - Episode 28 "The Crack of the Don"
-Sat Apr 8 12:00pm - Episode 390 "Less Is Morrison"
-Tue Apr 11 5:00am - Episode 333 "Disaster of Disguise"
-Wed Apr 12 5:00am - Episode 334 "Disguise Da Limit"
-Thu Apr 13 5:00am - Episode 335 "Take the Lombre Home"
-Fri Apr 14 5:00am - Episode 336 "True Blue Swablu"
-Sat Apr 8 5:00am - Episode 11 "A Date With Delcatty!"
-Tue Apr 11 1:00am - Episode 21 "Elegy of Entrapment, Verse 2" (R Tue Apr 11 4:30am)
-Wed Apr 12 1:00am - Episode 22 "The Cosmic Collisions" (R Wed Apr 12 4:30am)
-Thu Apr 12 1:00am - Episode 23 "Baseball Blues" (R Thu Apr 12 4:30am)
-Fri Apr 14 1:00am - Episode 24 "Evanescent Encounter, Part 1" (R Fri Apr 14 4:30am)
-Sat Apr 8 12:30pm - Episode 8 "The Rio Deal"
Street Fighter II V
-Sat Apr 8 4:30pm - Episode TBA (R Sun Apr 9 1:30am, 6:30am)
-Sun Apr 9 4:30pm - Episode TBA (R Mon Apr 10 1:30am, 6:30am)
-Mon Apr 10 4:30pm - Episode TBA (R Tue Apr 11 1:30am, 6:30am)
-Tue Apr 11 4:30pm - Episode TBA (R Wed Apr 12 1:30am, 6:30am)
-Wed Apr 12 4:30pm - Episode TBA (R Thu Apr 13 1:30am, 6:30am)
-Thu Apr 13 4:30pm - Episode TBA (R Fri Apr 14 1:30am, 6:30am)
-Fri Apr 14 4:30pm - Episode TBA (R Sat Apr 15 1:30am, 6:30am)
-Mon Apr 10 6:30am - Episode 21 "Primal"
-Tue Apr 11 6:30am - Episode 22 "Trust"
-Wed Apr 12 6:30am - Episode 23 "Trap"
-Thu Apr 13 6:30am - Episode 24 "Invasion"
-Tue Apr 11 1:30am - Episode 21 "Out of Time" (R Tue Apr 11 5:00am)
-Wed Apr 12 1:30am - Episode 22 "Alternative" (R Wed Apr 12 5:00am)
-Thu Apr 13 1:30am - Episode 23 "Paradise" (R Thu Apr 13 5:00am)
-Fri Apr 14 1:30am - Episode 24 "Sin" (R Fri Apr 14 5:00am)
-Sat Apr 8 4:00pm - Episode TBA (R Sun Apr 9 1:00am, 6:00am)
-Sun Apr 9 4:00pm - Episode TBA (R Mon Apr 10 1:00am, 6:00am)
-Mon Apr 10 4:00pm - Episode TBA (R Tue Apr 11 1:00am, 6:00am)
-Tue Apr 11 4:00pm - Episode TBA (R Wed Apr 12 1:00am, 6:00am)
-Wed Apr 12 4:00pm - Episode TBA (R Thu Apr 13 1:00am, 6:00am)
-Thu Apr 13 4:00pm - Episode TBA (R Fri Apr 14 1:00am, 6:00am)
-Fri Apr 14 4:00pm - Episode TBA (R Sat Apr 15 1:00am, 6:00am)
-Sat Apr 8 12:00am - Episode 5 "First Stage: Sweet Temptation"
-Sat Apr 8 12:30am - Episode 6 "First Stage: What a Wonderful World"
-Sat Apr 8 1:00am - Episode 7 "First Stage: Easy Life"
-Sat Apr 8 1:30am - Episode 8 "First Stage: Impossible!"
-Wed Apr 12 12:00am - Episode 9 "First Stage: More Barbaric Than Heaven"
-Wed Apr 12 12:30am - Episode 10 "First Stage: White Love"
-Wed Apr 12 1:00am - Episode 11 "First Stage: Together"
-Wed Apr 12 1:30am - Episode 12 "First Stage: They Don't Care About Us"
-Sat Apr 8 8:00am - Episode 15 "To Have and to Hold Captive"
-Sat Apr 8 4:30am - Episode 124 "Back to Battle City, Part 3"
-Sat Apr 8 8:00am - Episode 207 "A Reversal of Fortune"
-Tue Apr 11 4:30am - Episode 125 "The Darkness Returns, Part 1"
-Wed Apr 12 4:30am - Episode 126 "The Darkness Returns, Part 2"
-Thu Apr 13 4:30am - Episode 127 "The Darkness Returns, Part 3"
-Fri Apr 14 4:30am - Episode 128 "The Darkness Returns, Part 4"
-Mon Apr 10 5:00pm - Episode 45 "Amnael's Endgame, Part 1"
-Tue Apr 11 5:00pm - Episode 46 "Amnael's Endgame, Part 2"
-Wed Apr 12 5:00pm - Episode 47 "Chazz-anova"
-Thu Apr 13 5:00pm - Episode 48 "Rise of the Sacred Beasts, Part 1"
-Fri Apr 14 5:00pm - Episode 49 "Rise of the Sacred Beasts, Part 2"
-Mon Apr 10 4:30pm - Episode 6 "The Missing Red Book"
-Tue Apr 11 4:30pm - Episode 7 "Botanical Badness!"
-Wed Apr 12 4:30pm - Episode 8 "A Kind Mamodo, Kolulu"
-Thu Apr 13 4:30pm - Episode 9 "The Third Spell"
-Fri Apr 14 4:30pm - Episode 10 "The Elite Mamodo"
-Fri Apr 14 8:30pm - Episode 29 "Amusement Park Battle"
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