Gia's List: 7 Anime Drivers Who Will Probably Get You Killedby Gia Manry, Oct 22nd 2011
Like any random assortment of people, the anime character population has its fair share of bad drivers. Sure, some of them are technically skilled with a vehicle, but if they show a callous disregard for the life and health of their passengers, they might as well have failed every driving test they've ever taken. It's fortunate that these figures are all fictional, but if they existed in real life, here's seven that you should avoid...for your own sake.
7. The Cast of Ranma ½
Apparently the one thing that would get the perpetual pedestrian characters of Ranma ½ into a car is, of course, food. The gang all competes in a go kart race to win a full-course dinner for two, and the result is disastrous. Akane forgets to switch her car out of reverse; Ryoga navigates himself straight off the track and hangs out in the pit (naturally). Shampoo and Akane knock each other out of the race by bashing their cars against one another, Mousse starts stacking up everyone's cars, and Ranma and Happosai battle over a bomb that blows up nearly every driver. The winner? Slow-and-steady Kasumi.
6. Goku (Dragon Ball Z)
In the episode "Goku's Ordeal," Chi Chi demands that her husband get a driver's license, so Goku and Piccolo head off to driving school. Piccolo is a natural, it turns out, but Goku forgets how to turn on the engine, mixes up the gas and the brakes (twice), removes the steering wheel when told to "cut the ignition," nearly drowns himself and his instructor by driving into a body of water, inadvertantly challenges Piccolo to a race, and winds up blowing up both his and Piccolo's practice cars. He gets a little slack since this was his first time trying to drive a car (and he barely fits his massive muscles into the thing to begin with), but his complete lack of common sense still means he's likely to kill anyone without superhuman ability.
5. North Italy (Hetalia - Axis Powers)
Once upon a time, North Italy offered Japan a ride home from a meeting, and Japan accepted. And immediately regretted it. Italy, true to form, drives incredibly fast and with a complete disdain for driving laws. In fact, when Japan asks if he's breaking traffic laws, Italy doesn't recognize the term at all, wondering if it's something to eat. By the end of the road trip Japan is wimpering in the back seat, curled up on a fetal position. (Anyone who has ever tried to drive in real-life Italy can relate.) The story has a happy ending, though: the incident inspired Japan to swear that one day he would invent a safer car. Thanks, Italy!
4. Isaac Dian (Baccano!)
It's probably a safe policy in general to avoid riding with an immortal driver; after all, if they crash their car they're not the one who's going to die. Isaac, however, takes this to a ridiculous level, and it's particularly impressive because he drives a Ford Model-T, whose maximum speed is something like 45 miles per hour. It's not speed that lands Isaac on the list, it's his usual exuberant incompetence: after (intentionally) running over another character and his gang, they accidentally hit the car's owner. Isaac freaks out and puts the car in reverse...and runs over his victims again. Oops. (As it happens, at least one of those characters is also immortal, so all's well that ends well...right?)
3. Haruko (FLCL)
Okay, it's not so much that Haruko is a bad driver. In fact, she's pretty skilled with her vehicle of choice, the infamous Vespa. No, the problem with Haruko as a driver is that she pretty flagrantly doesn't care about the safety of others. In fact, she doesn't even really think about others much, provided that they don't get in the way of her goals. She gets into accidents frequently and casually, such as when she pulls in front of traffic and forces the cars behind her to break so hard they flip. And the worst part? (Spoiler alert, if anyone can still be spoiled for FLCL!) Since Haruko uses her Vespa for space travel, she could theoretically drive at faster-than-light speeds anywhere she felt like. Just take the bus instead.
2. Noriyasu Seta (Love Hina)
Adventurer and college professor Seta is nearly indestructible: in addition to cheerfully suffering from the body blows dealt to him by his love interest, protagonist Keitaro's aunt Haruka, Seta tends to show up by crash-landing his equally imortal van in the general vicinity. There's a small chance that his invulnerability passes on to his passengers, since his ward Sara didn't seem worse for the wear when she arrived with him, but still: would you get in the car of a guy who always shows up crashed, broken, and bleeding? Besides, instead of dropping you off at your destination he might just wander off on an expedition with you in tow instead.
1. Yukari Tanizaki (Azumanga Daioh)
No one seems to take quite as much glee in their insane driving as Yukari Tanizaki, who drives like a maniac— speeding, ignoring lights and signs, and all those other highly dangerous habits of crazy drivers —and laughs it off, even with her young students as passengers. In particular Yukari inflicts such a traumatic experience on young Chiyo-chan that the poor kid starts to become car-phobic. Even the mere mention of riding with Yukari or in Yukari's car causes PTSD flashbacks, and Chiyo-chan resolves to never again ride with her beloved but, let's face it, kind of psychotic teacher. The one time it comes up, Chiyo-chan has placed herself in the slightly-saner Nyamo's car before anyone can even blink.
The new poll: It's almost the end of October, so the students among you are probably already sick of it (while graduates may be fantasizing about going back to school in this economy). So, tell us which anime school you'd most want to attend! The survey list isn't all-inclusive, so feel free to nominate more in the comments.
The previous poll: Last week we wanted to know what your favorite summer 2011 anime has been, and despite controversies surrounding its source material's ending, the resounding winner is Usagi Drop with 24.1%. In second comes Utena director Kunihiko Ikuhara's new series Mawaru Penguindrum, while Natsume Yuujinchou proves its ongoing popularity by taking third with its third season. Here's the full list:
- Usagi Drop - 24.1%
- Mawaru Penguindrum - 17.2%
- Natsume Yūjin-Chō San - 7.4%
- No. 6 - 6.8%
- Baka to Test to Shōkanjū Ni! - 6.2%
- Blood-C - 4.4%
- Heaven's Memo Pad (Kami-sama no Memo-chō) - 3.9%
- Uta no Prince-sama - Maji Love 1000% - 3.6%
- Kamisama Dolls - 3.6%
- Nura: Rise of the Yokai Clan: Demon Capital (Nurarihyon no Mago 2: Sennen Makyou) - 3.1%
- Mayo Chiki! - 3%
- The IDOLM@STER - 2.7%
- Croisée in a Foreign Labyrinth (Ikoku Meiro no Croisée) - 2.3%
- Yuruyuri - 2.1%
- The Mystic Archives of Dantalian (Dantalian no Shoka) - 2.1%
- Sacred Seven - 2%
- Ro-Kyu-Bu! - 1.5%
- A Dark Rabbit Has Seven Lives (Itsuka Tenma no Kuro-Usagi) - 0.8%
- Nyanpire The Animation - 0.8%
- Blade - 0.7%
- Morita-san wa Mukuchi - 0.5%
- Manyū Hiken-chō - 0.5%
- R-15 - 0.4%
- Cat God (Nekogami Yaoyorozu) - 0.2%
- Twin Angel: Twinkle Paradise - 0
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