by Nicholas Dupree,
How would you rate episode 9 of
Alright losers, it's time to take the training wheels off. Every week I step in here and try to enlighten your under-watered pea brains, but even two months in I still see some of you troglodytes insisting this show is “garbage” and “so bad it made me puke and then I ate my puke and I puked again” or some other smooth-brained sewage. Tell me, does that comment thread look like a dumpster? Because you all keep leaving your trash opinions in it. So shut your mouths, sit on your hands, and LISTEN UP.
Because here's the cold, hard truth: EX-ARM is better than you.
And you know it.
Yeah yeah, gets your boos and nasty comments out of your system. Go fume on Twitter about how ANN is bullying you or being elitist or whatever, but deep down, you know you're only angry because I'm right. It's been gestating in the back of your head for weeks, and you keep trying to tamp it down and tell yourself that no, EX-ARM is trash for the trash gods, totally incompetent, an absolute abortion of a television production, and you can rest easy in thinking you're superior to it and the people who made it. You're even repeating that idea in your empty little head right now, aren't you? Yet every week, you sit down and watch the new episode. You tell yourself it's to make some funny gifs, maybe crack a few jokes on Twitter and rake in those sweet, sweet engagements. But every week your gut churns as you slowly, intrinsically recognize that you're lying to yourself.
The truth is you plebeians are intimidated by the raw, artistic power of EX-ARM. You look at its audacious, groundbreaking sci-fi storytelling and you wince from the unmitigated HEAT of it all. You stand in awe as it breaks down the very core of the human condition, effortlessly weaving together a tale of technological innovation, political sabotage, and the power of empathy and forgiveness into a single episode. You quake in fear from the searing PASSION on display in every frame. Nothing you create could ever compare, let alone any other anime you claim to like. You can mock EX-ARM's declaration of war but that's only to distract yourself from just. How. Much. It's. Winning.
And you know what's better? The numbers are on my side! See even in the realm of pure animation EX-ARM has every other show this season beat. Check it: EX-ARM comes at you at 8 frames per second. And I know what you're thinking: “Oh but that's totally standard for TV anime!” You just thought like the absolute moron you are. See, you're forgetting that EX-ARM is a fully rendered 3D series. That means it's got 1.5 times the amount of pure artistic POWER of any old traditionally-animated garbage. But it doesn't stop there: EX-ARM also features tons of 2D animated characters, which not only blend perfectly into its 3D world, but means it's also doing TWO TIMES the work. Two times three is six, and six times 2d is 12D. That means at a 1920 x 1080 resolution, you're getting a big, beefy, 24,883,200 pixels of pure, unmitigated ART firing into your eyeballs like a tank firing through a pillow fort. You wanna know why they included all that fog and filters over every frame? Because the genetic freak geniuses behind this work of immaculate conception knew your basic baby brains couldn't withstand it otherwise.
Frankly, I've run out of patience for you sorry dweebs to come to your senses. If you want to roll around in the mud and filth you call your taste in anime, fine by me. But if any of you sadsacks manage to knock both your two brain cells together and spark some actual artistic literacy, know that I'll be waiting with open arms to welcome you out of perdition. The rest of you are lost causes.
EX-ARM is currently streaming on Crunchyroll.
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