The Blood-Soaked Terrifying CLICK! October 25th - 31stby Brian Hanson,
BOO-d (you know, in place of the word "good") evening, boys and GHOULS! (In place of, uh, the word "girls"?) Welcome to the macabre and marvelous SPOOK-TACULAR HALLOWEEN EDITION OF...
A lot of you fellow creeps and monsters and vagabonds often ask me: Brian, o master of darkness and sorrows, what is the darkest thing?
I'll tell you: Eiken. Somewhere, out there, there exists an entirely real and in no way fictitious person. This person, no doubt, will enjoy his Halloween night, as it's practically impossible to do otherwise. Halloween is fun for all! Even demon-hating fundamentalist religions have their own special Haunted Houses, and they still give out candy!
But anyway, this person. He will come home that night, bleary-eyed, possibly drunk, entirely lonely, to the only thing that will love him: his TV. And on this TV, at five-ten in the am, will be Eiken.
Eiken, for those lucky enough to be unfamiliar, is an entirely un-funny two-part OAV series involving a litany of gross horrors that SOME PEOPLE, some incredibly downtrodden, completely broken individuals, find sexually gratifying. Specifically, This Person. So, if you can picture This Person, alone, tired, and with the long, gaunt face caused by feelings of sexual inadequacy and failed relationships, sits there, completely enraptured by Eiken.
And that, my ghoulish compatriots, is the scariest thing; a normal man, like you and I, engaged by a crappy anime about characters with breasts so large they should've been a part of Todd Browning's "Freaks."
The Battle Brawlers have to past a FIENDISH test in the DOOM DIMENSION... that's uh, really all I've got. I mean, DOOM DIMENSION. I don't even need a HORRIFIC pun for that one.
Saturday October 25 11:00pm - Episode 85 (Repeats Sun Oct 26 2:00am)
Saturday October 25 9:30pm - Episode 64
GHOSTS abound in this week's Bleach two-fer! Rukia is being controlled by some evil... thing, that commands her to fight against Orihime! IN CANADA, Renji comes to the human world to investigate and THUS BEGIN THE FILLERS, CANADA!!
Saturday October 25 8:30pm - Episode 7 "The Trouble With Ghosts"
Speaking of ghosts and stuff, Shu and his Blue Dragon posse make their way to a nearby village with a GHOST PROBLEM! Except that "problem" has nothing to do with ghosts but instead it has to do with a rogue "Shadow User" but whatever.
Sunday October 26 5:00am - Episode 25 "Zero"
The first season of Code Geass wraps to its unceremonious close. I should've added that the SECOND darkest thing would be a show like Code Geass living out its dying, desperate days alone and unloved in a terrible timeslot. Sigh. Watch as Suzaku and Lelouch finally have their ultimate final confrontation of finality!
Digital Mosnters? Still monsters. Still an embodiment of evil and raw, destructive power. Still counts, still counts. This demonic Halloween week, the EVIL King Drasil is ready to break free from his digital realm and attack the human world, unless the Digimon stop him!
Ghost Slayers Ayashi
Wednesday October 29 10:00pm - Episode 13 "Rumors of Hell and Paradise" (Repeats Thu Oct 30 2:30am, 7:30pm)
Ah, a RECAP EPISODE! That's pretty evil. Especially for a show about ghosts and slayers and ghost slayers. Hm.
Tuesday October 28 8:00pm - Episode 5 "The Woman in the Tall Tower" (Repeats Tue Oct 28 11:00pm, Fri Oct 31 11:30pm, Sat Nov 1 2:30am)
Awww, hells yeah. This is the real s***, right here. This is that sweet, Halloween-esque juice. In a Perfect World, this would've been my Click Pick... but this is far from a Perfect World. This world is cruel and unforgiving, hence Eiken's existence, whose pure concentrated heinousness trumps all. Though Hell Girl certainly gives a good fight; in this episode, Hell gets hacked! Seriously!
Wednesday October 29 8:00pm - Episode 13 "Night of the Tamayura" (Repeats Thu Oct 30 1:30am, 6:00pm)
Not terribly Halloween related, but on this week's Mai-HiME, Mai and her super-crush go out on a date, causing unrest amongst the student body for some reason.
Moribito - Guardian of the Spirit
Sunday October 26 5:30am - Episode 9 "Shuga Thirsts"
A drought is wrecking the kingdom, and Shuga studies some ancient stones that are rumored to contain divination about this drought. BEHOLD THE HELL ON EARTH THAT IS NATURE'S FURY!!!
Saturday October 25 8:00pm - Episode 156 "Raiga's Counterattack"
LUCIFER HIMSELF has long been rumored to be in control of this nation's TV programming; this week, I believe that's correct, as Naruto gets bumped on the Cartoon Network in order to air the terrible "Batman vs. Dracula" straight-to-DVD movie. That's not the kind of evil I can get behind, though; I understand there's a special circle of hell for mediocrity, but it's just not as much fun to watch as straight-up old-style evil. Anyway, Naruto's still on in Canada, where their current filler-y villain, Raiga, has returned to wreak all kinds of wrath!
Wednesday October 29 9:30pm - Episode 13 "Scenery With a Rocket" (Repeats Thu Oct 30 2:00am, 7:00pm)
With their ship destroyed, the interstellar cleanup crew goes on a pleasant holiday to Earth. There's nothing evil about this at all. In fact, Planetes is such a good show, it's sort of impervious to evil.
Saturday October 25 9:30am - Episode 546 "Chim-Charred!"
Ash has a disagreement with a fellow Pokémon trainer on how their respective Pokémon should be treated, which escalates into full-on Pokémon war. CLASHES OF IDEOLOGIES ARE SO TOTALLY WICKED EVIL!!!
Wednesday October 29 9:00pm - Episode 13 "Distant Ricordanza" (Repeats Thu Oct 30 6:30pm)
Scrapped Princess pulls an Indy IV and talks at length about aliens, specifically about how humans are relegated to confinement due to them. Again, kinda evil. Could be a bit better.
Saturday October 25 10:30am - Episode 7 "The Facility, Part 2"
Yusei, erstwhile Yu-Gi-Oh! champion, must defend his friend's honor after his current opponent totally disses on his friend's cards. So he will DESTROY HIM WITH HIS FRIENDS' SLIGHTED CARDS. Misplaced honor? So TOTALLY EVIL. Also, a show about not-terribly-clever product placement is pretty damned Satan-like in and of itself.
Saturday October 25 9:00pm - Episode 99 "Miss Wriggle's Class is Now in Session"
The Zatch Bell cast settles in to their normal, humdrum lives. Except that their humdrum lives involve a kid that spews lightning and such, so... pretty evil, kinda. It's OK.
Have a great, HORRIFYING week, ladies and GENTLE-MONSTERS! I won't actually be here next week BECAUSE IT'S HALLOWEEN, and I have too many jack-o-lanterns to smash, sacks of candy to steal, toilet-paper rolls to toss, and general mayhem to cause to be bothered with my STUPID DUTIES AND CONTRACTUAL RESPONSIBILITIES. Feh.
See you guys in two weeks!
Bakugan Battle Brawlers
-Mon Oct 27 6:30am - Episode 7 "Bakugan Idol"
-Tue Oct 28 6:30am - Episode 8 "Girls Just Want to Have Fun"
-Wed Oct 29 6:30am - Episode 9 "Fight or Flight"
-Thu Oct 30 6:30am - Episode 10 "A Perfect Match"
-Sun Oct 26 6:30am - Episode 232 "The Truth About Keenan"
-Mon Oct 27 6:30am - Episode 254 "Father and Son Destiny!"
-Tue Oct 28 6:30am - Episode 214 "There Are Monsters Among Us"
-Wed Oct 29 6:30am - Episode 215 "Marcus' Inner Strength"
-Thu Oct 30 6:30am - Episode 3 "Garurumon"
-Fri Oct 31 6:30am - Episode 4 "Biyomon Gets Firepower"
-Sat Nov 1 6:30am - Episode 260 "The Data Squad's Final Battle!"
-Sat Oct 25 11:30pm - Episode 6 "The Alchemy Exam" (R Sun Oct 26 2:30am)
-Mon Oct 27 5:00am - Episode 88 "Three Sprites of the Monkey God"
-Mon Oct 27 5:30am - Episode 89 "Nursing Battle of the Rival Lovers"
-Tue Oct 28 5:30am - Episode 90 "Sota's Brave Confession of Love"
-Wed Oct 29 5:30am - Episode 91 "Suspicious Faith Healer and the Black Kirara"
-Thu Oct 30 5:30am - Episode 92 "Plot of the Walking Dead"
-Fri Oct 31 5:30am - Episode 93 "Mystery of the Lecherous Monk"
Kirby: Right Back At Ya!
-Sat Oct 25 11:00am - Episode 60 "Crusade For the Blade"
-Sun Oct 26 2:00am - Episode 5 "Cruel Like Ceres"
-Sun Oct 26 3:30am - Episode 18 "Monstrous Like Muir"
-Mon Oct 27 2:00am - Episode 6 "Playful Like Paradice"
-Mon Oct 27 3:30am - Episode 19 "The Origin of the World"
-Tue Oct 28 2:00am - Episode 7 "Treacherous Like Toros"
-Tue Oct 28 3:30am - Episode 20 "Secret Like Sul"
-Wed Oct 29 2:00am - Episode 8 "Agile Like Aikka"
-Wed Oct 29 3:30am - Episode 21 "Ominous Like O"
-Thu Oct 30 2:00am - Episode 9 "Surprising Like Super-Racer"
-Thu Oct 30 3:30am - Episode 22 "Revelations"
-Fri Oct 31 2:00am - Episode 10 "Resistant Like Rush"
-Fri Oct 31 3:30am - Episode 23 "Cruel Like Kross"
-Sat Nov 1 2:00am - Episode 11 "Silent Like Spirit"
-Sat Nov 1 3:30am - Episode 24 "Canaletto's Revenge"
-Mon Oct 27 1:00pm - Episode 458 "Strategy Tomorrow, Comedy Tonight!"
-Mon Oct 27 1:30pm - Episode 459 "Duels of the Jungle!"
-Tue Oct 28 1:00pm - Episode 460 "Overjoyed!"
-Tue Oct 28 1:30pm - Episode 461 "The Unbeatable Lightness of Seeing!"
-Wed Oct 29 1:00pm - Episode 462 "Pinch Healing"
-Wed Oct 29 1:30pm - Episode 463 "Gathering the Gang of Four"
-Thu Oct 30 1:00pm - Episode 464 "Pace: The Final Frontier"
-Thu Oct 30 1:30pm - Episode 465 "Once More With Reeling!"
-Thu Oct 30 8:30pm - Episode 17 "The Remembrance"
-Tue Oct 28 4:00am - Episode 27 "Lanancuras Arises"
-Wed Oct 29 4:00am - Episode 28 "Lanancuras Unbound"
-Thu Oct 30 4:00am - Episode 29 "Mushrambo Meets His Match"
-Fri Oct 31 4:00am - Episode 30 "Mushra's Mission"
-Sat Nov 1 4:00am - Episode 31 "Soul Survivor"
-Sat Oct 25 10:30am - Episode 19 "Mission Accomplished"
-Mon Oct 27 6:00am - Episode 7 "Nanosec"
-Tue Oct 28 6:00am - Episode 8 "Along Came a Spider"
-Wed Oct 29 6:00am - Episode 9 "Sound and Fury"
-Thu Oct 30 6:00am - Episode 11 "Lost & Found"
-Fri Oct 31 6:00am - Episode 20 "Garbage In, Garbage Out"
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