May 3 - 9
by Brian Hanson,
Cripes, I'm beat. I conveniently forgot until the very last minute that I had an article for the next issue of Protoculture Addicts due, which meant slavishly typing away in the early morning until my eyes had glazed over from weariness and radiation. Which hopefully means good, solid journalism! And it is here that a slightly subtle plug for Protoculture Addicts becomes a horrendously un-sublte one: READ PROTOCULTURE ADDICTS!
Here's what's on the sex-and-violence tube for this week:
Monday May 5 11:00pm
Vampire Wars is insufferably stupid and nonsensical. Actual wars with vampires only comprise a tiny fraction of this hour-long OAV, which is to say that the plot is ludicrously convoluted considering the time constraints. It's violent, chunky-looking, and generally mind-numbing. Dumb crap, in other words. But, if you're one of the anime fans that grabbed whatever violent-looking anime VHS tape that lay dormant at your local Blockbuster Video in middle school, this is a pure nostalgia trip, plain and simple. I haven't seen this thing in ages, but I hope the rest of you can make time in your busy schedules to check out the kind of asinine doggerel we kids so savored in those halcyon days.
I wonder if there's some kind of Japanese cultural directive on these kids' shows, because there's always some kid's grandpa who is generally awesome at everything and can save the day with a mere furrow of his brow, thereby ingraining children to always respect their elders. This week's Bakugan has the appropriately named Grampa reluctantly joining forces with the young'uns to stop some new evil of some sort.
Chaos and violence and other things recently displayed in the documentary Grand Theft Auto IV are on display in this double-team of Black Lagoon episodes, where Rock and the others rescue an important hostage from the clutches of the Yakuza.
Sunday May 4 12:30am - Episode 62 (Repeats Sun May 4 3:30am)
Is it safe to assume that everybody knows that Aizen is the real BAD GUY BEHIND THE CURTAINS now? Or will I get dozens of angry letters and death threats to make even Uwe Boll and Jack Thompson jealous? Hm. Anyway, Aizen seemingly gets the thing he wants most, and its up to the rest of the Soul Society to stop him.
Saturday May 3 9:00am - Episode 6 "No Good Deed Goes Unpunished" (Repeats Sat May 3 10:00pm)
Shu and friends stop for a bite to eat, but that soon becomes a recipe... for disaster! Except not, because they make friends with Bouquet, a waitress with a unique power.
Sunday May 4 1:30am - Episode 2 "The Awakened White Knight" (Repeats Sun May 4 4:30am)
ALL HAIL JAPAN as Lelouch uses his innate genius and newly gained "Geass" power to aid in the resistance against the tyrranical Britannian empire. Woo, nationalism!
Sunday May 4 1:00am - Episode 28 "Impatience" (Repeats Sun May 4 4:00am)
Friday May 9 10:00pm - Episode 28 "Impatience" (Repeats Sat May 10 1:30am)
Light makes a decidedly risky truce with Near in order to rescue his kidnapped sister. Are delicate hostage situations the theme of the week or something?
Kyo kara Maoh!
-Tuesday May 6 7:30pm - Episode 50 "My Beloved Julia" (Repeats Tue May 6 10:30pm, Wed May 7 3:00am, 3:00pm)
-Tuesday May 6 8:00pm - Episode 51 "Revenge Fiend? Maxine" (Repeats Tue May 6 11:00pm, Wed May 7 3:30am, 3:30pm)
More hostages, this time fleeing from an erupting volcano, which means Yuri and his Royal Demon Guarde has to step in and save the traumatized young ones.
-Saturday May 3 9:00pm - Episode 162 "The Cursed Warrior"
-Saturday May 3 9:30pm - Episode 163 "The Tactician's Intent"
Friday May 10 8:00pm - Episode 133 "A Plea From a Friend"
O, Naruto fillers, how you are rather lame and uninspired. I mean, Naruto and the others going ghost-hunting? That's a new low. Canadians still have a little ways to go before reaching filler-land, though, so enjoy a quality episode chronicling the epic fisticuffs between Naruto and Sasuke.
Sunday May 4 12:00am - Episode 30 (Repeats Sun May 30 3:00am)
I realize that Adult Swim supposedly posted a new schedule that has Shin-chan airing dead last, with two Inuyasha repeats leading the Saturday pack. That, however, was not what was on their official website, so I'm sticking to my guns, no matter how stupidly wrong I might be in the end! This is a matter of pride, and laziness!
Street Fighter II V
-Monday May 5 11:00pm - Episode 11 "Visitation of the Beasts: The Fierce, Holy Monk, Advice to Young Warriors" (Repeats Tue May 6 11:00am, 5:00pm)
-Monday May 5 11:30pm - Episode 12 "The Deadly Phantom Face-Off: The Battle Spirit Hidden Between Body and Soul" (Repeats Tue May 6 11:30am, 5:30pm)
Those are some... incredibly non-sensical titles, there. Not that I'm expecting much from an adaptation of a game series where one of the character endings involves cossack-dancing with Gorbachev, but maybe a little grammatical correctness would be appreciated?
Saturday May 3 10:30am - Episode 19 "Mission Accomplished" (Repeats Sun May 4 11:00am, Mon May 5 6:00am)
Optimus Prime and his cohorts return to Cybertron, but much like another authority figure proudly displaying a "Mission Accomplished" banner some years ago, their mission is, indeed, far from accomplished.
Saturday May 3 10:00am - Episode 142 "What Lies Beneath, Part 2"
Jaden's friend Axel fights Skull Bishop, who sounds like a character from either a third-rate Final Fantasy knockoff or a second-rate Street Fighter II ripoff, with cards. Life points, trap cards, the whole gamut.
I think Karas was playing again on one of the Encore Networks, but come on, seriously. I am so over that.
Be back next week, guys!
Bakugan Battle Brawlers
-Sun May 4 10:30am - Episode 10 "A Perfect Match"
-Fri May 9 9:30pm - Episode 8 (R Sat May 10 2:00am)
-Sat May 3 10:00pm - Episode 9 "Bizarre Track, Theif Chases Police"
-Sat May 3 10:30pm - Episode 10 "Do You Like Dog Food?"
-Sat May 3 10:30am - Episode 3 "Tanks a Lot!"
-Tue May 6 6:00pm - Episode 17 "The Rocky Fateful Encounter" (R Tue May 6 9:00pm, Wed May 7 1:30am, 1:30pm)
-Sat May 10 2:30am - Episode 25 "World's End Garden"
-Sat May 10 1:00am - Episode 9 "Be Thou For the People"
-Tue May 6 6:30pm - Episode 17 "The Confession" (R Tue May 6 9:30pm, Wed May 7 2:00am, 2:00pm)
-Mon May 5 1:15pm - Episode 1 "Rookie Teacher With a Secret is Born!"
-Mon May 5 1:45pm - Episode 2 "Duel! Shin vs. Ojou?"
-Tue May 6 2:15pm - Episode 3 "Kuma's First Time"
-Tue May 6 2:45pm - Episode 4 "Oju Goes Blond! Whodunnit?"
Gundam Seed Destiny
-Fri May 9 10:30pm - Episode TBA
-Sun May 4 5:00am - Episode 36 "Kagome Kidnapped by Koga, the Wolf Demon!"
-Sun May 4 5:30am - Episode 37 "The Man Who Fell in Love With Kagome"
-Mon May 5 5:00am - Episode 38 "Two Hearts, One Mind"
-Mon May 5 5:30am - Episode 39 "Trapped in a Duel To the Death"
-Tue May 6 5:00am - Episode 40 "The Deadly Trap of Kagura, the Wind Sorceress"
-Tue May 6 5:30am - Episode 41 "Kagura's Dance and Kanna's Mirror"
-Wed May 7 5:00am - Episode 42 "The Wind Scar Fails"
-Wed May 7 5:30am - Episode 43 "Tetsusaiga Breaks"
-Thu May 8 5:00am - Episode 44 "Kaijinbo's Evil Sword"
-Thu May 8 5:30am - Episode 45 "Sesshomaru Wields Tokijin"
-Fri May 9 5:00am - Episode 46 "Juromaru and Kageromaru"
-Fri May 9 5:30am - Episode 47 "Onigumo's Heart Still Beats Within Naraku"
-Sat May 10 5:00am - Episode 48 "Return to the Place Where We First Met"
-Sat May 10 5:30am - Episode 49 "Kohaku's Lost Memory"
Law of Ueki
-Tue May 6 7:00pm - Episode 17 "The Law of the Two Powers" (R Tue May 6 10:00pm, Wed May 7 2:30am, 2:30pm)
-Sat May 3 9:30am - Episode 467 "Following a Maiden's Voyage" (Repeats Mon May 5 3:00pm)
-Mon May 5 7:00am - Episode 508 "The Electrike Company"
-Tue May 6 7:00am - Episode 509 "Malice in Wonderland!"
-Tue May 6 3:00pm - Episode 468 "Two Degrees of Separation"
-Wed May 7 7:00am - Episode 510 "Mass Hip-Po-Sis"
-Wed May 7 3:00pm - Episode 469 "When Pokémon Worlds Collide"
-Thu May 8 7:00am - Episode 511 "Ill-Will Hunting"
-Thu May 8 3:00pm - Episode 470 "Dawn of a New Era"
-Fri May 9 7:00am - Episode 511 "A Maze-ing Race"
-Fri May 9 3:00pm - Episode 471 "Gettin' Twiggy With It"
-Sun May 4 3:30am - Episode TBA
-Wed May 7 11:50am - Episode 25 "The One That Surpasses Tach"
10 Tokyo Warriors
-Fri May 9 11:20am - Episode TBA
-Fri May 9 11:50am - Episode TBA
-Tue May 6 12:00am - Episode 2 "A Girl Appears"
-Tue May 6 12:30am - Episode 3 "Moments Would Be Lost"
-Tue May 6 6:00am - Episode 4 "Home Is Where the Spark Is"
-Wed May 7 6:00am - Episode 8 "Total Meltdown"
-Thu May 8 6:00am - Episode 5 "Blast From the Past"
-Fri May 9 6:00am - Episode 6 "The Thrill of the Hunt"
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