If you're trying to review an anime, saying, "This just sucks," is the quick quip you might casually tell your friends if they ask your opinion, but that's probably the limit of its potential use. It gets your point across on a basic level, sure, but it's reductive, vague, and in the absence of further explanation, comes across as needlessly mean. It's not the kind of sentence that would normally belong in a full-blown review. And yet, when I try to think about what makes every episode of #COMPASS2.0 ANIMATION PROJECT feel like a slow, uphill trudge through thick waves of molasses, "It just sucks" is the phrase that keeps appearing over and over again in my mind. Probably because this anime, well, just sucks.

#COMPASS is based on the mobile 3v3 battle game, which is currently not officially available in English, so this review will focus on the anime as a standalone piece of media. The good news is that this anime seems to have anticipated newcomers like me, as it makes at least some attempts to explain its universe. The bad news is that “attempts” and “succeeds at” aren't necessarily synonymous.

Like a cheap combination of Fate/stay night and .hack (an odd, unconventional combo, but whatever), #COMPASS takes place in a world where various heroes are summoned to do battle against each other. What, precisely, #COMPASS is in the universe of this anime is something that's never made entirely clear. Most of the time, it's painted as being a game of sorts. But then, at other times, it makes it seem like it's an entirely separate dimension that's somehow accessible (even if only in a limited capacity) by people in our world. At other times, it seems like it could be something else altogether. That can often make things difficult to follow.

But even if you're able to keep up with everything despite this, you're not rewarded with anything meaningful. It's like the writers' room had a short list of things they thought it would be cool to have in this anime—probably a few key scenes. But then, when it came time to put some connective tissue between them, they couldn't crack the code. So they gave up and did the next "best" thing: filler, and more than plenty of it.

A lot of people would probably be willing to forgive an uninteresting and poorly structured story if the fight scenes that pepper this anime had any amount of hype to them. You'd think the presence of these legendary heroes would give the fight scenes some (much-needed) flavor, but nope. Forgettable, tame, short, restrained, and at times even weirdly timid are only some of the words I'd use to describe the fight scenes of #COMPASS. This should be unthinkable in an anime as battle-dependent as this one.

But for as much as #COMPASS sabotaged itself by not putting more stock into its fight scenes, its cardinal sin is how hard it fumbled the bag when it comes to its characters. Usually, if gacha or gacha-adjacent anime get at least one thing right, it's the characters. After all, these anime usually are nothing if not glorified commercials to get you to buy merch, or at least pay to roll all your favorites in the game. Whether or not the anime itself is any good to watch—let alone as a standalone experience—often feels like an afterthought. #COMPASS is no exception in that regard. Where it is exceptional, however, is that when other gacha anime do this, they usually at least have some charming characters to show off. After all, they have so many that statistically speaking, there's bound to be at least a few likable characters in there. And even a broken clock is right twice a day. At the absolute barest of minimum, they tend to have good visual designs. Yet, against all odds, #COMPASS doesn't have either of these. Personalities are always one note (if they're discernible at all), and the designs are bland and feel mass-produced in a generic-video-game-character factory.

And of course, the production value does little, but mostly nothing, to uplift the glorified beige-paint-drying session that is the rest of this show. The voice acting is serviceable, but nothing special. I've seen rocks that are more dynamic than these visuals. But to #COMPASS credit, it's always great to hear opening themes by Nana Mizuki. While it's far from her best work, even a middle-of-the-road Nana Mizuki song is still a good song.

In #COMPASS, you have a nothingburger story that only feels like it makes sense, populated entirely by characters that aren't worth caring about, all packaged in production value that's completely meh. It doesn't suffer from one big, particular root flaw, as much as it is an anime that's just plain—well, plain. A plate of saltines and unseasoned chicken that's cosplaying as an anime.