Buxom bouncing girls suit up for jet-ski based laser tag and no, this is not the premise of a lost Girls Gone Wild video. The creators of "sexy ninja girls" and "sexy medieval girls" join forces for the surprisingly hilarious Kandagawa Jet Girls fanservice sports show.
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Spoiler Warning for discussion of the series ahead. NSFW Warning: Boobs, Lewd, and Nude
Y'know Nick, I've been thinking, anime girls gotta deal with a lotta crap. Between the rubber spines, knee pimples, and the ever-present dark shadow creeping up on their changing sessions, it's tough being a future castoff figure.
On the other hand, look at the tig ol' bitties. It's impossible to say if it's truly bad or not.
It's a hard life being a fanservice
anime girl. Breezes constantly lifting up your skirt that's two sizes too small. Random beams of light flashing over your nipples every time you take a shower. And then the sacks of jello you keep strapped to your chest gain sentience and start trying to escape.
I for one am very impressed that people found a way to translate the "menacing" ゴゴゴ
jitter from JoJo's Bizarre Adventure
into tiddy form.
If nothing else, I expect creative tiddy physics from the producers of Senran Kagura
The director of Kandagawa Jet Girls
also worked on Queens Blade, the perennial generator of castoff scale figures; and Qwaser of Stigmata
, the breast milk show. These folks come from a fairly storied tradition of referencing water balloons for their boob jiggle, and I honestly gotta respect that.
I prefer to think of Hiraku Kaneko
as the Tsuredure Children
director but there's no denying his larger pedigree is more relevant here. But yes, today we dive headfirst into the wet 'n wild world of Kandagawa Jet Girls
, this season's designated TnA show. And boy does it like both its T and A.
Kandagawa Jet Girls
is coy enough to hold off on its first boob shot for a whole minute and 20 seconds, but in hindsight the cows really should have been an early tip for the massive udders these girls sport.
The setup is about what you'd expect when hearing "From the Producers of Senran Kagura" in that it's an outlandishly silly excuse to see anime girls bounce their chests off each other, but I'd be lying if I said I wasn't having fun with this whole thing.
It's absolutely shameless cheesecake, only superficially a sports show. And unlike something like Keijo!!!!!!!!
, where the butt wrestling is the crux of the sport, Kandagawa Jet Girls
' real priorities are perhaps more overt.
I appreciate the honesty. And if nothing else Jet Girls' made-up fanservice
sport is more interesting to watch than Keijo!!!!!!!!
's knock-off Dead or Alive X-Treme Beach Volleyball
You say that, but nobody has summoned the power of a thousand asses via the Gate of Bootylon yet, so I have to disagree. Though you're right, jet skis are pretty cool regardless of what context they're used in, tittylicious or not.
And not just any jet skis, suped-up futuristic racing jet skis with LASER TAG.
I'm not don't know of any real-life sports that involve sniping your opponents in the butthole, but sure!
Nominally, Jet Girls is a pretty bog-standard "country girl goes to the big city in pursuit of a dream that she'll have to start a ___ club for" show; fill in the blank with "extreme booby jet ski laser tag" and you're good to go. Like, as far as sports anime, Jet Girls is about as basic as it gets; whether it works or not depends entirely on how fun it can make the sport look. And honestly, its mammary-centric visual language sells it surprisingly well!
It strikes a similar tone to last year's Harukana Receive
, in that for as much as it enjoys its cheesecake, the characters within the show take their sport seriously. These are actual races that take skill and teamwork, that just happen to facilitate a lot of tracking shots up the girls' cleavage. It's also similar in that it uses its pair-based sport to fire out as much yuri
subtext as possible.
Is it even subtext tbh
Ah yes, the traditional Feudal Lord and her handmaiden.
You might argue that it's self-defeating to turn the subjects of the show into objects of titillation; even if the show seems to take its characters' struggles seriously, it still commodifies their bodies and relationships. But that applies to pretty much all fanservice shows, and frankly, my lizard brain starts hooting and hollering about tiddy long before I can even begin criticizing it.
Oh, the show's still trashy as all get out, but there are nuances to how one can make trash, and so far Jet Girls
has reliably erred on the side of brainless fun without ever feeling too gross. Like I was honestly shocked that, after introducing a mechanic where racers' wet suits automatically fly off after they get shot, that we didn't have a lengthy scene of Misa blushing and getting flustered over it.
She gets upset over being hit, but outside of an obligatory wedgie shot it's not lingered on and her reaction isn't played up for titillation the way other shows like it might have.
It's still mighty questionable that the mechanic gets hand-waved as a "safety feature," but there are worse excuses to invoke the feeling of undressing a barbie doll.
It's nonsense for sure. But I didn't come out of this show feeling like I needed to take a shower and that's gotta count for something.
But any good (or bad) fanservice
show has to survive off its characters, and I appreciate the sheer variety of anime boobs Jet Girls
manages to deliver.
I highly respect the decision to give the fastest girl jet engines for hair. They double as snooty Ojō-sama curls AND a symbol of her need for speed, it's brilliant.
I'd say those probably cause some serious drag during races but with the average bust size in this show let's be real, they're all drag.
I'd suggest sports bras, but even those don't seem to do the trick.
They're just too powerful to be contained.
They cannot be content with occupying any less than 1/3 of all visual real estate.
Then there's our main duo, Misa and Rin, who are definitely the most vanilla of the teams—I suspect so they can be easily put in different unlockable outfits in the eventual video game.
They're the classic excitable girl/angsty loner duo, with the understated charm points to reflect their mundane shticks. Misa has the emo streaks to let everyone know she's unique but emotionally unavailable, while Rin has these swishy chest balloons.
Rin is your pretty typical genki sports show lead, but she and Misa have a pretty solid dynamic. It helps that while Misa is a loner, she's not actively hostile or dismissive. She only takes a little bit of prodding to pick up jet racing again, and very quickly shifts from avoiding Rin to awkwardly trying to take her on a date.
And then she makes the classic lesbian mistake of forgetting to get the girl's number, so they lose each other in the crowd and Rin ends up doing everything she planned with some other people instead.
Who could have expected Rin to get kidnapped by a pair of traveling weeaboos?
Specifically, Sexy Naruto and her very pink friend.
Now now, they have names. Terrible names.
Well you see, one way of saying "pink" in Japanese literally translates to "peach-colored" so it's all very clever, I swear. Besides, Jennifer Peach and Emily Orange are very real, normal people names, yes.
Totally standard, run of the mill names here in America, where they're definitely both totally from. You can tell because they speak in weird, stilted Japanese like they just finished course 2 on Duolingo.
The fun thing is that they're both voiced by mixed-race VAs, which is either a cute casting choice or an unfortunate case of typecasting, I can't decide which.
Either way I'd say their gimmick is my least favorite of the teams we've seen. Even if all we've gotten out of the Gyaru and Idol teams is some heavy petting to spice up the color commentary.
It was quite a daring choice to make one of the rival teams a pair of ditzes, but I just want to say they're my favorites specifically because
they're so dumb.
Bless these two girls who talk like they're constantly blazed.
I have to admire the audacity of picking somebody who plays the sport to be the character who gets all the intricacies of of said made up sport explained to them for the audience's benefit. Eyeshield 21
would have been infinitely better if John Madden had been on the sidelines every episode so a Japanese teenager could tell him what a forward pass is.
Isn't it great? And the best thing is the show could've lazily exposited with "as you know," but it chose to present it through pseudo-stoner rambling instead.
Absolutely none of that commentary was necessary, but gosh it's so charmingly shameless that I gotta give it a pass. It blows that these two probably won't go up against Misa and Rin for a few more episodes yet!
On the subject of the races though, I have to ask: is the light coming out of their asses a censor beam or a speed boost beam?
Having, much to my shame, seen the uncensored version of episode four, I can confirm the ass lens flares are there just there to obscure their wedgies. A shame because that'd be a hell of a diegetic skill to blind your opponent.
Dammit, I'm trying to boost my jet ski to catch up with our American ninja rivals, but they're dummy thicc and the clap of their ass cheeks is searing my retinas!
Hey, if exploding your clothes off is a legit strategy, why not butt lasers?
Anyway, the races themselves aren't super impressive, but they do their job both for keeping the pace snappy and delivering the fanservice 99% of the audience came for in the first place. Though by episode four the animation has really started to nosedive. And with a recap episode just 1/3 into the season I suspect that trend will continue.
Yeah, the production's not lookin' real hot, as is the case with most of these fanservice vehicles. On the other hand, the visual language it's built out of boobs is innovative enough to keep it worth watching, provided you're into this stuff and actually listen to your lizard brain.
It can even be pretty well directed sometimes. Like this moment when Misa decides to reach out to Rin about going on a date with her, accentuated by a shot of her stepping out of the shadows she's hidden herself in.
I can't believe you'd post that without calling attention to the super indulgent foot sakuga.
What pervert animated that? I want to buy them a coffee.
Amen to that. Anyway, the 'innovative' scene I was thinking of was this:
In any other show, the shot of Misa grabbing Rin's wrist would be followed with one of a teary-eyed Rin whipping around in slow-mo, hair flying and everything. This is that shot, but boobs. It's so silly, but brilliant.
And I think that's a good summation of KJG as a whole. It's silly and horny, but it knows what it is and goes for it. Shows like this are never gonna be what I look for first in entertainment, but I can appreciate a boob show made in mostly good fun when I see it.
While Kandagawa Jet Girls
is definitely a show I have to be in the right mood (and location) for, I commend its shamelessness. Even if I sometimes feel conflicted about where the camera's looking, I ultimately can't be too hard on it.
As far as titty shows, it's a pretty good one, is what I'm sayin'.
If you're looking for a sleazy way to spend time, it's one of the better choices this season. Though as always, you may want to save up for those Blu-rays. Or maybe you're into white mist. Who am I to judge?
Or maybe you're more into a shuriken promising to impale a nipple or two, either way it's a good time.
Whatever you're into, just try to enjoy it responsibly.