Vampires and anime, eh? An eclectic selection of anime shows feature vampiric protagonists, from the classic (Vampire Hunter D, Hellsing) to the more recent, but superb (Call of the Night), and the appallingly dreadful, best left forgotten (Vlad Love). Worryingly, the manga Li’l Miss Vampire Can’t Suck Right, which will imminently receive an anime adaptation during the Fall 2025 season, hews closest concept-wise to Mamoru Oshii's vanity project/what-the-hell-was-he-thinking abomination Vlad Love. Much like vampire Mai Vlad Transylvania from that hopelessly disappointing stain on a master director's curriculum vitae, the titular Li'l Miss Vampire, Luna, loves imbibing Ootori, the object of her affection's, uncommonly tasty bodily fluids. And Ootori enjoys it to the point he faints from hypovolemic shock regularly, his arms covered in comedy band-aids.

Normally, Luna is a cool-looking platinum blonde schoolgirl with a penchant for wearing her sweater asymmetrically, with one sleeve hanging down by her elbow. Adored by her new classmates for her mystique, in reality, she's a disaster baby vampire who crams as many sweet snacks into her mouth as (humanly? vampirically?) possible, as she feels so damned hungry all the time. Now, while most self-respecting vampires would stalk the night, ravaging the bare necks of a few handy virgins to fill their rumbly tummies, as Luna explains, she's never been able to suck blood effectively. I don't know if this is because her vampire parents have never taught her properly. After all, the source of her apparent incompetence is never explained.

No one in the school seems at all perturbed that their classmate is a member of the nocturnal undead. Luna doesn't even attempt to keep this secret; all she's worried about is her classmates' perceived judgment of her lack of bite. Every other pupil seems to be a normal human; we know nothing else about this world, nor how common supernatural entities are. Everything is focused on Luna and her day-to-day school life with her willing blood-bag Ootori, and eventually, secondary female blood-bag Eiko Sakuma. Somewhat hilariously, the first time Luna suckles Ootori's arm, and she unknowingly shrinks down to super-deformed cutesy baby-size, Ootori announces, “This means I'm a mom now.” And indeed, the way they are drawn together, it almost looks like Ootori could be breastfeeding a child. Later, Luna (to her horror), fantasizes about suckling on Eiko's generous breasts, wondering if they could also be a good source of blood. It's so weird, but it made me cackle guiltily.

In general, the humor is pretty tame, though Luna tends to blush prodigiously after suckling Ootori, while Ootori tends to bliss out into semi-unconsciousness as she does so. I do worry that there's no way he can cram enough iron into his diet to make up for the frequent blood loss. Most of the short chapters revolve around one silly joke, with plenty of exaggerated facial expressions and slapstick humour to keep the tone light and frothy. Luna is extremely adorable, though her chibi baby form when feeding freaks me out a little. The central relationship is very sweet, though I'd like to know a bit more about the backgrounds of our main characters; their personalities are sketched so thinly we don't know much about them other than “Luna is shy about sucking at sucking” and “Ootori is shy and odd.” The art is pretty rudimentary and simplified in general, though sometimes artist Nishiki slips in some more detailed full-panel character illustrations that look good. Backgrounds tend to be nondescript to the point of minimalism, with most of the art focused on character interaction, funny expressions, and physical humor.

I think Li’l Miss Vampire Can’t Suck Right is likely to translate well to anime, and I can see Luna becoming a fan-favorite character both for her more glamorous teenage design, and for her moe-baiting chibi form. It's not a particularly deep or affecting story, but it is gently amusing. I probably won't read more of the manga, but I'll give the upcoming anime adaptation an episode or two of my time.