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INTEREST: Is Love Really Difficult for Otaku? Part 2: Women's Responses


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Wrangler



Joined: 11 Nov 2007
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PostPosted: Mon May 14, 2018 3:17 pm Reply with quote
Interesting see what their responses were. I wonder if there fringe fans and people who are hiding that never spoke or took the survey. Japan pretty harsh (even in the US) about hobbies that maybe viewed as child-like or immature.

Having this all been said, my girl knows I like various things including anime. She thinks it's cartoonish, but she likes me who i am that what matters.

Problem is i think maybe that women in this survey have deal balancing things.

To be honest i thought it would be more a male issue than female, but who am i to know this? Confused
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configspace



Joined: 16 Aug 2008
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PostPosted: Mon May 14, 2018 3:33 pm Reply with quote
I too didn't quite expect the women's responses to basically mirror the men's.

Wrangler wrote:
Interesting see what their responses were. I wonder if there fringe fans and people who are hiding that never spoke or took the survey. Japan pretty harsh (even in the US) about hobbies that maybe viewed as child-like or immature.


I think that has changed a lot over the last decade or so, as evident from this response:
Quote:
A high school student said most of her class are otaku and about half seem satisfied with their real (offline) lives.

and as can be seen by anime/manga advertisements in the cities and different real locations used in anime capitalizing by officially courting otaku visitors. For related hobbies, with the Japanese government officially recognizing e-sports and creating a licensing organization to get around gambling laws for them, gaming otaku as featured in Wotakoi discussed here, have even less to worry about in terms of public perception.
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Agent355



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PostPosted: Mon May 14, 2018 4:28 pm Reply with quote
Quote:
Another woman, age 24, mentioned she makes accommodations when she's out with her partner, like discussing normal things instead of centering the conversation around her hobbies. She added, "I think that hobbies aren't the problem, and in the case of the number of people who withdraw, it's a problem with communication abilities."

It's a chicken-and-egg thing. People who have a hard time connecting socially (for a variety of reasons, including Japan's relatively high rate of reported Autism with relatively few supports for people on the high end of the spectrum), are more likely to center their hobbies in their lives over more difficult relationships. It makes a lot of sense. Social and activities groups for young adults who need more friends, platonic and romantic, will help them a lot. Sometimes you need the right, supportive environment and the assurance that no one will make fun of you for being "different" in whatever ways you perceive yourself to be different.
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micah007



Joined: 25 Jan 2017
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PostPosted: Mon May 14, 2018 4:44 pm Reply with quote
Kinda funny. In the end it comes down to a basic communication issue for males and females. To generalize it no one's talking to anyone (be it social interaction is hard, or they are trying to anticipate a response) and as a result no one gets a girlfriend/boyfriend.
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Gina Szanboti



Joined: 03 Aug 2008
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PostPosted: Mon May 14, 2018 5:39 pm Reply with quote
configspace wrote:
I too didn't quite expect the women's responses to basically mirror the men's.

I'm curious as to what you did expect them to say, or how you expected their responses to be different. Smile
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Afezeria



Joined: 20 Aug 2015
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Location: Malaysia, Kuantan.
PostPosted: Mon May 14, 2018 6:28 pm Reply with quote
It's a pretty interesting discussion, with some minor hiccups here and there especially pertaining to the guy that visited someone's home and called the house owner's hobby as disgusting, in which case he is even more of a disgusting being that have zero sensitivity and really wants to make me punch him in the face. I bet it's just another one of those dumbass that thinks cartoon are for little children and adults should only be watching news outlet. I'm just hoping the woman in particular or anyone that had to dealt with such crap be able to maintain their scope of interest and realized that not everyone you met is gonna be an asshole to you about your hobby, especially not as something as harmless like anime watching, in which case stereotypes still abound and adults aren't supposed to like them, apparently.

Quite fascinating to see some female respondent that said they likes cute girls as well, and not just their husbando, and even one comment implied that she only like girls, too.
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Cutiebunny



Joined: 18 Apr 2010
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PostPosted: Mon May 14, 2018 7:36 pm Reply with quote
I honestly felt like I should hug some of these people, especially the one woman who brought a date over and he chastised her for liking Digimon. Regardless of whatever fantasy stuff someone likes, they shouldn't be admonished for it and especially not in their own home. I really hope she had some good friends around that were there to support her and make her feel better after such an episode.
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Shay Guy



Joined: 03 Jul 2009
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PostPosted: Mon May 14, 2018 10:35 pm Reply with quote
Agent355 wrote:
Japan's relatively high rate of reported Autism


?
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Agent355



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PostPosted: Mon May 14, 2018 10:57 pm Reply with quote
Shay Guy wrote:
Agent355 wrote:
Japan's relatively high rate of reported Autism


?

Yeah, I posted about that in the Men's Response thread. One study from 2008 found a rate of 181 kids in 10,000 with Pervasive Developmental Disorders in the city of Toyota. I take it with a grain of salt, because it's a *really* high number in a very limited study, but if there's some truth to it, it could help explain the aspects of relationships the respondents struggle with:
https://www.focusforhealth.org/autism-rates-across-the-developed-world/
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Compelled to Reply



Joined: 14 Jan 2017
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PostPosted: Tue May 15, 2018 1:00 am Reply with quote
Wrangler wrote:
Interesting see what their responses were. I wonder if there fringe fans and people who are hiding that never spoke or took the survey. Japan pretty harsh (even in the US) about hobbies that maybe viewed as child-like or immature.

Something tells me the survey was conducted in Akihabara or at an anime-related even, so I doubt it. Consequently, the survey sample would be biased if that was the case.

Also, whether an otaku or not, asking people whether love is hard would likely render comparable results. Relationships are a pretty complicated matter. As evident in the responses, not everybody is actively looking.

Agent355 wrote:
It's a chicken-and-egg thing. People who have a hard time connecting socially (for a variety of reasons, including Japan's relatively high rate of reported Autism with relatively few supports for people on the high end of the spectrum), are more likely to center their hobbies in their lives over more difficult relationships. It makes a lot of sense. Social and activities groups for young adults who need more friends, platonic and romantic, will help them a lot. Sometimes you need the right, supportive environment and the assurance that no one will make fun of you for being "different" in whatever ways you perceive yourself to be different.

Few supports? It might be the case outside major cities, but from what I've seen, local governments do a lot for disabilities support. I mean, Japan invented tactile paving. I don't have autism, but diagnosed with bipolar disorder as a child, I can attest to how ineffective services can be here in the United States, and don't appear to have improved after all these years.
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capt_bunny



Joined: 31 May 2015
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PostPosted: Tue May 15, 2018 10:44 am Reply with quote
Hmmm....I can understand why some of the women say these things. Not because I am biologically a woman myself but its harsh. I think anyone, regardless of gender, would have a hard time dating once they heard their hobby was disgusting or was forced to be someone they are not.

Personally, I don't think its really communication but rather focus on understanding one and another. Because you can talk well with someone but that doesn't mean they will understand.

Well, no. I am wrong. I should be saying understanding and then communication. Tbh, I don't think I could ever date anyone, nor I ever will. Not because I find them gross but because I don't think anyone could really understand the things I like. I already get told by my father that I talk about 2D characters as if they are real people and 'evil' when I tell him about some manga I've read. And most people at the college don't talk about much or even know what I even talk about. Maybe one day. As I do believe what that woman said that there is someone for everyone. Romantic or not.
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Key
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PostPosted: Tue May 15, 2018 11:21 am Reply with quote
This whole thing kinda hits home for me.

Geeky hobbies getting in the way of romance is something I've stopped worrying about, in large part because being a self-admitted geeks feels like it's become far more socially acceptable over the last decade. (At least in the U.S., anyway.) However, the problem I've been running into over that same time frame is that women who might share my hobby interests are most commonly so much younger than me that the age difference can be an issue.

Of course, I've also concluded that if differences in hobbies is the stated primary reason for a relationship falling apart/not happening then in most cases that's just a cover for deeper problems/incompatibilities. Besides, I regard the ideal situation as one where each partner introduces the other to new interests, so not everything has to be in common to begin with.
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rizuchan
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Joined: 11 Mar 2007
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PostPosted: Tue May 15, 2018 11:40 am Reply with quote
The most important lesson I've learned dating as an Otaku (and really, in general), is to just be upfront about it. If someone's initial reaction is that they don't want to date you because of your interests, then good - you didn't have to waste your time with them. Of course this is very hard to understand when you're young and get caught up in wanting that one person to like you, or are rejected a lot.

I was really self-conscious when I was younger that even other anime fans would find me a little over the top since I'm such a huge collector. Instead, when I invited new friends or dates over, I got a lot of comments like, "I wish I was that passionate about something." Which encouraged me a lot to be open about my hobbies. I recognize that I may be one of the fortunate ones, though.

Compelled to Reply wrote:

Few supports? It might be the case outside major cities, but from what I've seen, local governments do a lot for disabilities support.


I've heard that recently, Japan has made a lot of strides for physical accessability, but in terms of mental health accommodation, Justin's fairly recent Answerman column on "Why Don't Anime Characters go to Therapy?" begs to differ. I have ADHD and I've heard that it's basically not acknowledged in Japan, and the medications are illegal. And although I understand why stimulant medication would be ripe for abuse in a country like Japan (and bans on it are hardly exclusive to Japan), on the other hand it breaks my heart thinking of kids having to go through what I did on top of having such an immense pressure to study.
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Greed1914
It's Over 9000!It's Over 9000!


Joined: 28 Oct 2007
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PostPosted: Tue May 15, 2018 12:39 pm Reply with quote
rizuchan wrote:
The most important lesson I've learned dating as an Otaku (and really, in general), is to just be upfront about it. If someone's initial reaction is that they don't want to date you because of your interests, then good - you didn't have to waste your time with them. Of course this is very hard to understand when you're young and get caught up in wanting that one person to like you, or are rejected a lot.

I was really self-conscious when I was younger that even other anime fans would find me a little over the top since I'm such a huge collector. Instead, when I invited new friends or dates over, I got a lot of comments like, "I wish I was that passionate about something." Which encouraged me a lot to be open about my hobbies. I recognize that I may be one of the fortunate ones, though.



That is the approach that I've decided I would go with if presented with the opportunity. If my hobbies are a deal-breaker, I'd rather know early. Not just so it wouldn't be a waste of time, but because I also wouldn't want to feel like I was hiding something since that might make them think it was weird.

I have had a similar experience to you where a new friend who always seemed to be trying new things said he was a little jealous that I had something I enjoyed so much.
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Super_M



Joined: 08 May 2018
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PostPosted: Tue May 15, 2018 1:45 pm Reply with quote
Wrangler wrote:

To be honest i thought it would be more a male issue than female, but who am i to know this? Confused

In my opinion women just are more willing to take part in the survey. Men in dating have usually active role and women passive role so shy awkward male is in a worse position than shy awkward female.

Sorry for my bad english.
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