Dead Account

Episode 5

I already had low expectations long before I smacked the play button for my fifth spin at Dead Account. And yet, somehow, by some unholy anti-miracle, this anime's laughably bad animation and art style have stunned me again. Not even twenty seconds pass before the episode greets us with the most awkward shot of Soji lunging at the bad guy. I had to pause my video player so I could fixate on this image, and what turned into mindless gawking quickly (and perhaps sadly) turned into twisted admiration. If I were an animator on this type of slop, I'd brag about it in a fit of ironic self-deprication. This is the type of awkward shot that you have to aspire to, and I'm not even kidding.

The first half of the episode is about as exciting as things get. Soji has finally met the evil spirit that killed his sister, the malevolent Sad Boy K. Sad Boy K, as a villain, is not menacing at all. He stands perfectly still in place, doesn't intimidate or taunt his opponents, and his only real attack is making his opponents' eyes bleed. He even waits for Soji's party to heal up a bit before attacking them again. Hey, at least the dude understands that patience is a virtue.

In the last episode, one of the Academy's teachers, Azaki, had accompanied Soji, Kiyomi, and Kasubata into the department store before getting chased off by young girls who had the hots for him, apparently (don't ask, the bit doesn't work anyway). But now he's back, and the fight between him and Sad Boy K is boring to the ultimate degree. It is better animated than some of the other tacked-on fights in Dead Account, but it still suffers from a severe lack of movement. It's about as fluid as a battle from the first Final Fantasy—all of the characters swing spells and attacks at each other, while still being stuck in place. Azaki uses water attacks, and he jumps around, yet never moves an inch towards his opponent. And somehow, he still has trouble landing hits on Sad Boy K, who is as non-moving as a target as they come. Even more detrimental is how Kiyomi interrupts the fight by yammering on and on about Azaki's background.

In terms of this season, Dead Account is probably near the bottom rung of the originality ladder. If the first half of this episode recycles and repackages the same shonen tropes to make itself look exciting, then the latter half dabbles in exposition, commentary, and comedy to make itself look intelligent and witty, succeeding at being neither. Everyone goes back to the Academy to strategize taking down Sad Boy K, and the talks involve the principal giving a speech about how those who follow Sad Boy K's account die almost immediately afterwards. I'm sorry, but Ring was how long ago? I can't wait for this show to pull out some sick references to The Matrix and Dark City. And you thought the dadrock references I insert into my reviews were forced (and they are).

The percentage of Dead Accounts following Sad Boy K's Twitter account is discussed in a way that (I think) comes off as the anime's way of conveying some critique of the Dead Internet Theory. This is where things start to get really dumb, and it makes you wonder why they are throwing this in. It seems like they are trying to make sense out of the ridiculous cell phone logic of the show, maybe even justify it. But it just makes them look dumber. This ain't no Mamoru Oshii critique of technocapitalism! Just give me mysticism or something as a source of the bad guy's energy. Even if it sounds kinda phony, it's still leagues better than cell phones and social media.

The episode ends on a note of corny humor, with one overtly long bit involving a gyaru nurse. I already wrote about how the previous episode's humor didn't win me over, and I feel like I could copy+paste some of my complaints and have nothing change. What am I supposed to take away from a bit that's just, “Hey, look, a gyaru! Y'all ever see gyaru in anime? Did you like My Dress Up Darling? Well, this ain't that, but here ya go anyway! Please laugh.” Seriously, nothing this episode serves up will ever be funnier than its opening awkward frame of a lunging Soji. And that wasn't even made to be a laughing matter.

Rating:

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Dead Account is currently streaming on Crunchyroll.