Agents of the Four Seasons: Dance of Spring

Episode 9

Let's talk about the plot of Agents of the Four Seasons, shall we? In the first episode of the show, we picked up with the obviously traumatized and troubled pair of Sakura and Hinagiku, as the former watched over the latter begin the slow, ritualistic process of bringing Spring back to Japan. After that, they met up with the Agent and Guardian of Summer, with the four of them outfighting an attack by a band of insurgents. Ever since then, Sakura and Hinagiku have been very, very slowly continuing their journey, with the emotional flare-up between them back in Episode 6 being the only event of real narrative or emotional significance since.

Meanwhile, we have the Agents of Winter and Autumn. I've already gone on at length about the completely baffling manner in which Rosei and Itecho have been given literally nothing to do throughout this entire season other than sit around and wait for Hinagiku to do her thing. Rosei's entire function within this portion of the narrative is only relevant to the flashback material surrounding Hinagiku's kidnapping, so I have no idea why he's been so present throughout the rest of this series. On the opposite end of the spectrum, Rindo's complicated feelings about watching over the vulnerable Agent of Autumn have been the most expedited bit of writing in this entire show. His whole relationship with Autumn, along with her violent and traumatic kidnapping, was taken care of in the span of just one episode.

What I've just summarized, if told in a more coherent and emotionally present manner, could have easily been covered in maybe three episodes of television. I'd say four, maximum, if we really wanted to be indulgent and artsy-fartsy about it. If we stuck that needlessly delayed flashback in there early enough, we'd have the entire story of Agents of the Four Seasons up to now done and dusted in five episodes, tops. Would this alternate-universe version of the show still have been an occasionally cringe-inducing melodrama with thin characters and confusingly vague world-building? Probably, yes, but I can guarantee you it would be nowhere near as frustrating as whatever the hell the show is trying to do on our podunk plane of reality.

We have, instead, been forced to trudge through nine agonizingly paced and poorly constructed weeks of these characters repeating the same lines of dialogue about the same emotional traumas that we've been shown, and explained, and re-shown, and then re-explained enough times again to drive Punxsutawney Phil Connors insane all over again. It's certainly driving me mad as a critic, since my job is to reflect on all of the new and interesting things that a show brings to the table with each passing week, and Agents of the Four Seasons refuses to shut the hell up and get on to the next point.

We have learned nothing new or interesting about these characters in weeks. Their relationships have literally been defined by how stuck they are in the mud of their sad backstories. Did you get that Rosei feels sad and guilty about what happened to Hinagiku? Don't bother answering, because we're going to get more scenes of him waking up in a cold sweat and lamenting everything he's lost and so on. Have you caught on to how much Sakura lost in her feverish hunt for her missing friend? Oh, hush, child. Sit down a spell and close that fly-trap of a mouth for a minute. I can see your lips forming the words, “Obviously, I know that,” and you better damn well understand how much this show does not give a shit about what you do or do not understand.

You're going to see more flashbacks of Hobo Sakura wandering aimlessly and being miserable this week, and you're going to listen to Hinagiku haltingly chirp about whatever patronizing nonsense the writers have cooked up for her to babble on about, and you're going to like it. You're going to cry big, ugly tears and post all over your socials about how pretty the animation is, and thank your silly little God that you were blessed with the opportunity to even exist in a time where this cartoon is being streamed for audiences all around the world. Didn't you hear? This is a show about trauma. That means it is Important Art™, and that it can waste however much of your precious time on this Earth as it damn well pleases. It needs all of those extra hours to indulge in its inert, solipsistic brand of non-drama.

Besides, it's not like nothing happens, this week. All of the characters have decided to team up and rescue poor little Nadeshiiko. So, there! It may have taken over two-thirds of an entire season, but all of the characters have promised that they're going to put their minds together and do something interesting next time.

At this point, I don't even care if they get the Autumn kid back. Go ahead and drop more missiles on all of these knuckleheads, Insurgents. If any of your terrorist militias are recruiting, feel free to send me some recruitment pamphlets. I have been radicalized by the very pretty but empty proof-of-concept that somehow got mistaken for a real TV show put on air.

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Agents of the Four Seasons: Dance of Spring is currently streaming on Crunchyroll.

James is a writer with many thoughts and feelings about anime and other pop-culture, which can also be found on BlueSky, his blog, and his podcast.