Forum - View topicThe Laws of Anime
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Inu-Yasha
 Posts: 373 Location: Quad Cities, Iowa |
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The Laws of Anime
Version 6.0 COMPILED and EDITED by Ryan Shellito and Darrin Bright(to this day i have no idea who these guys are...so if you know please tell me thru pm or posting at this thread) The Laws of Anime is a growing list of physical, universal, and natural phenomenon that seem to appear in various forms in all sorts of anime. The original intent was an effort to classify these incidents into a list of "laws" that explained how Anime physics are different from our own (real?) world. Due to the rather dynamic nature of Anime Science, theories and paradigms are generally in a state of constant flux, often shifting or changing with the tide of whimsy. By no means all-inclusive and sometimes not even remotely instructive, the following is an enumerated list of semi-empirical islands in an ocean of conjecture. It is our hope that you find them useful to studying Anime, or at the very least, worth a good chuckle. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- #1 - Law of Metaphysical Irregularity The normal laws of physics do not apply. #2 - Law of Differentiated Gravitation Whenever someone or something jumps, is thrown, or otherwise is rendered airborne, gravity is reduced by a factor of 4. #3 - Law of Sonic Amplification, First Law of Anime Acoustics In space, loud sounds, like explosions, are even louder because there is no air to get in the way. #4 - Law of Constant Thrust, First Law of Anime Motion In space, constant thrust equals constant velocity. #5 - Law of Mechanical Mobility, Second Law of Anime Motion The larger a mechanical device is, the faster it moves. Armored Mecha are the fastest objects known to human science. #6 - Law of Temporal Variability Time is not a constant. Time stops for the hero whenever he does something 'cool' or 'impressive'. Time slows down when friends and lovers are being killed and speeds up whenever there is a fight. #7 - First Law of Temporal Mortality 'Good Guys' and 'Bad Guys' both die in one of two ways - either so quick they don't even see it coming, OR it's a long drawn out affair where the character gains much insight to the workings of society, human existence or why the toast always lands butter side down. #8 - Second Law of Temporal Mortality It takes some time for bad guys to die... regardless of physical damage. Even when the 'Bad Guys' are killed so quickly they didn't even see it coming, it takes them a while to realize they are dead. This is attributed to the belief that being evil damages the Reality Lobe of the brain. #9 - Law of Dramatic Emphasis Scenes involving extreme amounts of action are depicted with either still frames or black screens with a slash of bright color (usually red or white). #10 - Law of Dramatic Multiplicity Scenes that only happen once, for instance, a 'Good Guy' kicks the 'Bad Guy' in the face, are seen at least 3 times from 3 different angles. #11 - Law of Inherent Combustibility Everything explodes. Everything. First Corollary - Anything that explodes bulges first. Second Corollary - Large cities are the most explosive substances known to human science. Tokyo in particular seems to be the most unstable of these cities, sometimes referred to as "The Matchstick City". #12 - Law of Phlogistatic Emission Nearly all things emit light from fatal wounds. #13 - Law of Energetic Emission There is always an energy build up (commonly referred to as an energy 'bulge') before Mecha or space craft weapons fire. Because of the explosive qualities of weapons, it is believed that this is related to the Law of Inherent Combustibility. #14 - Law of Inverse Lethal Magnitude The destructive potential of any object/organism is inversely proportional to its mass. First Corollary - Small and cute will always overcome big and ugly. Also known as the A-Ko phenomenon. #15 - Law of Inexhaustibility No one *EVER* runs out of ammunition. That is of course unless they are cornered, out-numbered, out-classed, and unconscious. #16 - Law of Inverse Accuracy The accuracy of a 'Good Guy' when operating any form of fire-arm increases as the difficulty of the shot increases. The accuracy of the 'Bad Guys' when operating fire-arms decreases when the difficulty of the shot decreases. (Also known as the Storm trooper Effect) Example: A 'Good Guy' in a drunken stupor being held upside down from a moving vehicle will always hit, and several battalions of 'Bad Guys' firing on a 'Good Guy' standing alone in the middle of an open field will always miss. First Corollary - The more 'Bad Guys' there are, the less likely they will hit anyone or do any real damage. Second Corollary - Whenever a 'Good Guy' is faced with insurmountable odds, the 'Bad Guys' line up in neat rows, allowing the hero to take them all out with a single burst of automatic fire and then escape. Third Corollary - Whenever a 'Good Guy' is actually hit by enemy fire, it is in a designated 'Good Guy Area', usually a flesh wound in the shoulder or arm, which restricts the 'Good Guy' from doing anything more strenuous than driving, firing weaponry, using melee weapons, operating heavy machinery, or doing complex martial arts maneuvers. #17 - Law of Transient Romantic Unreliability Minmei is a bimbo. #18 - Law of Hemoglobin Capacity The human body contains over 12 gallons of blood, sometimes more, under high pressure. #19 - Law of Demonic Consistency Demons and other supernatural creatures have at least three eyes, loads of fangs, tend to be yellow-green or brown, but black is not unknown, and can only be hurt bladed weapons. #20 - Law of Militaristic Unreliability Huge galaxy-wide armadas, entire armies, and large war machines full of cruel, heartless, bloodthirsty warriors can be stopped and defeated with a single insignificant example of a caring/loving emotion or a song. First Corollary - Whenever a single war machine (mecha, starship, etc.) goes up against an entire army, the army always loses. #21 - Law of Tactical Unreliability Tactical geniuses aren't.... #22 - Law of Inconsequential Undetectability People never notice the little things... like missing body parts, or wounds the size of Seattle. #23 - Law of Juvenile Intellectuality Children are smarter than adults. And almost always twice as annoying. #24 - Law of Americanthropomorphism Americans in Anime appear in one of two roles, either as a really nasty skinny 'Bad Guy' or a big stupid 'Good Guy'. First Corollary - The only people who are more stupid than the big dumb Americans are the American translators. (Sometimes referred to as the Green Line Effect) Second Corollary - The only people who are more stupid than the American translators are the American editors and censors. #25 - Law of Mandibular Proportionality The size of a person's mouth is directly proportional to the volume at which they are speaking or eating. #26 - Law of Feline Mutation Any half-cat/half-human mutation will invariably: 1) be female 2) will possess ears and sometimes a tail as a genetic mutation 3) wear as little clothing as possible, if any #27 - Law of Conservation of Firepower Any powerful weapon capable of destroying/defeating an opponent in a single shot will invariably be reserved and used only as a last resort. #28 - Law of Technological User-Benevolence The formal training required to operate a spaceship or mecha is inversely proportional to its complexity. #29 - Law of Melee Luminescence Any being displaying extremely high levels of martial arts prowess and/or violent emotions emits light in the form of a glowing aura. This aura is usually blue for 'good guys' and red for 'bad guys'. This is attributed to Good being higher in the electromagnetic spectrum than Evil. #30 - Law of Non-Anthropomorphic Antagonism All ugly, non-humanoid alien races are hostile, and usually hell-bent on destroying humanity for some obscure reason. #31 - Law of Follicular Chromatic Variability Any color in the visible spectrum is considered a natural hair color. This color can change without warning or explanation. #32 - Law of Follicular Permanence Hair in anime is pretty much indestructable, and can resist any amount of meteorological conditions, energy emissions, physical abuse, or explosive effects and still look perfect. The only way to hurt someone's hair is the same way you deal with demons... with bladed weapons! #33 - Law of Topological Aerodynamics, First Law of Anime Aero-Dynamics *ANY* shape, no matter how convoluted or odd-looking, is automatically aerodynamic. #34 - Law of Probable Attire Clothing in anime follows certain predictable guidelines. Female characters wear as little clothing as possible, regardless of whether it is socially or meteorologically appropriate. Any female with an excessive amount of clothing will invariably have her clothes ripped to shreds or torn off somehow. If there is no opportunity to tear off the afore-mentioned female's clothes, then she will inexplicably take a shower for no apparent reason (also known as the Gratuitous Shower Scene). Whenever there is a headwind, Male characters invariably wear a long cloaks that don't hamper movement and billow out dramatically behind them. First Corollary (Cryo-Adaptability) - All anime characters are resistant to extremely cold temperatures, and do not need to wear heavy or warm clothing in snow. Second Corollary (Indecent Invulnerability) - Bikinis render the wearer invulnerable to any form of damage. #35 - Law of Musical Omnipotence Any character capable of musical talent (singing, playing an instrument, etc.) is automatically capable of doing much more "simple" things, like piloting mecha, fighting crime, stopping an intergalactic war, and so on...especially if they have never attempted these things before. #36 - Law of Quintupular Agglutination Also called "The Five-man Rule", when "Good Guys" group together, it tends to be in groups of five. There are five basic positions, which are: 1) The Hero/Leader 2) His Girlfriend 3) His Best Friend/Rival 4) A Hulking Brute 5) A Dwarf/Kid Between these basic positions are distributed several attributes, which include: 1) Extreme Coolness 2) Amazing Intelligence 3) Incredible Irritation #37 - Law of Extradimensional Capacitance All anime females have an extradimensional storage space of variable volume somewhere on their person from which they can instantly retrieve any object at a moment's notice. First Corollary (a.k.a. The Hammer Rule) - The most common item stored is a heavy mallet, which can be used with unerring accuracy on any male who deserves it. Other common items include costumes/uniforms, power suits/armor, and large bazookas. #38 - Law of Hydrostatic Emission Eyes tend to be rather large in Anime. This is because they contain several gallons of water, which may be instantaneously released at high pressure through large tear ducts. The actual volume of water contained in the eyes is unknown, as there is no evidence to suggest that these reservoirs are actually capable of running out. The reason water tends to collect in the eyes is because Anime characters only have one large sweat gland, which is located at the back of the head. When extremely stressed, embarrassed, or worried, this sweat gland exudes a single but very large drop of sebaceous fluid. #39 - Law of Inverse Attraction Success at finding suitable mates is inversely proportionate to how desperately you want to be successful. The more you want, the less you get, and vice versa. #40 - Law of Nasal Sanguination When sexually aroused, males in Anime don't get erections, they get nosebleeds. No one's sure why this is, though... the current theory suggests that larger eyes means smaller sinuses and thinner sinus tissue (see Law #38 above). Females don't get nosebleeds, but invariably get one heck of a blush along the cheeks and across the nose, suggesting a lot of bloodflow to that region. #41 - Law of Xylolaceration Wooden or bamboo swords are just as sharp as metal swords, if not sharper. #42 - Law of Juvenile Omnipotence Always send a boy to do a man's job. He'll get it done in half the time and twice the angst. #43 - Law of Triscaquadrodecophobia There is no Law #43. #44 - Law of Nominative Clamovocation The likelihood of success and damage done by a martial arts attack is directly proportional to the volume at which the full name of the attack is announced. #45 - Law of Uninteruptable Metamorphosis Regardless of how long or involved the transformation sequence or how many times they've seen it before, any 'Bad Guys' witnessing a mecha/hero/heroine transforming are too stunned to do anything to interrupt it. #46 - Law of Flimsy Incognition Simply changing into a costume or wearing a teensy mask can make you utterly unrecognizable to even your closest friends and relatives. Last edited by Inu-Yasha on Fri Nov 14, 2003 11:15 pm; edited 2 times in total |
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Inu-Yasha
Posts: 373 Location: Quad Cities, Iowa |
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If you guys want to add a law and/or corollary just go ahead. Also tell me if this was funny and accurate at all alright? One more thing, I beg you guys do NOT quote all of the laws its a tad bit long....I don't mind if you do but make its shorten quote please.
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space clam
Posts: 636 |
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Law of Camera Gravitation- Due to increased gravity around sexy female characters, camera angles have a tendency to close in as well as shift lower.
1st corollary- A female in a miniskirt increases said gravity, causing the camera angle to shift into a "panty-shot" position. 2nd corollary- The camera angle invariably shifts behind a miniskirt-clad female as she trips over a random object. Law of Clothing Intelligence- Generally, the sexier a female is, the less clothing will be worn (see Law #34) This relationship is oftentimes inverse to the overall intelligence/coordination of the character 1st corollary- Miniskirts have an adverse effect on coordinational skills, which, when compounded by the aforementioned enhanced gravity, create a scenario conducive to tripping. Law of Situational Compromisation- Due to what is known as the "shoujo harem effect," when a male is place among 3 or more females, he will immediately be put in a sexually compromising situation. The overall "coolness" of the male is inversely proportional to the level of compromisation. Very funny list, my friend. Although you may have a little too much time on your hands... |
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Nagisa
Moderator
 Posts: 6128 Location: Atlanta-ish, Jawjuh |
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Actually, he didn't write it. It's been around for ages.
For example, here it is on my own website's forums: http://www.otakuhavenanime.net/forum/viewtopic.php?t=1155 |
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space clam
Posts: 636 |
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Tricksy hobbitses...funny nonetheless.
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Nagisa
Moderator
Posts: 6128 Location: Atlanta-ish, Jawjuh |
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Indeed.
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trigunner
 Posts: 173 |
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Hahahahahahahahhooohoohaaa
 Man that's funny, but true. 
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orphen
 Posts: 30 Location: The Tower of Fang! |
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HA HA HA!!!
That is so hilarious! ha ha ha ( cough)x2 
( Splutter)x5 
(Clutch chest and fall over backwards) 
My God He's dead! 
Oops i left the laughing gas on.... 
Ha ha ha! 
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cookie
Former ANN Editor in Chief
 Posts: 2460 Location: Do not contact me for support. |
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I have a copy of the laws that dates to 7/30/98, which includes a few notes...
#1-25, 33, 35, 38 were probably made by the original author (no source listed) #26, #27 was by a_hicks #26, 28-31 was by utmwilliams #32 is by spellweaver #34 source "???", except for corollary #2 (nyctomania) #36 is by mukura #37 is by railstar #39-46 weren't in the release I have. just to set the record straight. :) Given that law #17 should be depreciated in the modern anime scene, and #14.1 refers to A-Ko, which few 'modern' fans have watched, i'd say it was first constructed in the late 80s/early 90s. A google search might reveal more info and/or the original source. It didn't look like IY was claiming ownership of it; it was just posted without properly identifying that he wasn't the owner. |
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Inu-Yasha
Posts: 373 Location: Quad Cities, Iowa |
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Thanks for that info Cookie and by the way I had NO intention of claming this as my own I was just merely posting it,sorry if I misled you guys. Anyway that ver is pretty old so I have no idea if there any more amendments to it or not...so happy searching!
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king_micah
 Posts: 994 Location: OSU |
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#17 is less true with the remastered subs, mostly due to the songs not being nearly as bad.
They are of course, still horrid. But Minmei's English songs are a pox upon man. |
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Nagisa
Moderator
Posts: 6128 Location: Atlanta-ish, Jawjuh |
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Shoom shoom! Shoom shoom! Atashi no somethngsomething pailotto!
She just drives me nuts by being such a flake. 
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gnollman
 Posts: 535 Location: Richmond, KY |
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Heh heh... she's even worse in DYRL.... |
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Nagisa
Moderator
Posts: 6128 Location: Atlanta-ish, Jawjuh |
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You just made me want to see that movie less.
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gnollman
Posts: 535 Location: Richmond, KY |
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