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REVIEW: Dragonball Evolution


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GATSU



Joined: 03 Jan 2002
Posts: 15279
PostPosted: Mon Mar 16, 2009 6:17 am Reply with quote
Quote:
Otaku the world over just love to complain about live-action adaptations of beloved anime series, usually months – if not years – before they come out, determined to hate the final product regardless of what it is. It could be argued that they're not giving some of these projects a fair shake from the get-go; they're hating just to hate, swearing fealty to the original show or manga, convinced Hollywood just can't ever get it right.


They seemed alright with Speed Racer...Technically, though, you might wanna change it to comic book movies, since there aren't a lot of LA Western anime/manga adaptations just yet....

Quote:
Fans decried every scrap of material they could get their hands on, from leaked screencaps to shots of unpainted action figures to the teaster trailers, each time their derisive laughter and scorn growing louder and louder.A tiny handful of people remained cautiously optimistic, praying that 20th Century Fox had managed to distill the essence of the eternally popular, internationally beloved and downright legendary Dragon Ball story into a 90-minute action adventure that, while perhaps not adhering so closely to the exact plot and pacing of the original story, did provide a faithful and entertaining homage that might pave the way for increasingly loyal adaptations down the road.


I wasn't in either category. I just wanted to at least see footage before taking a side. I knew it was going to suck when they were hiding it, though. [Cue testor argument that the studio always intended to release such-and-such trailer at such-and-such date or something like that. Rolling Eyes ]

Quote:

Here's what happened instead: a bunch of talentless hacks with studio money slapped together a big steaming pile of baffling garbage that fails utterly on every possible level and will please no one at all. The fans were right.


That last line must hurt. Wink James Wong did have some experience, though. He just didn't have any useful experience to the project. I also liked Ramsey's work on "The Big Hit", but then that was an R-rated gun-play flick. And DB: E is not a gun-play series. If they ever do a Trigun movie, though, he might be right for the part. As for Stephen Chow, well, we all know he should have directed; but hopefully they won't make him into the adult equivalent of Shortround on The Green Hornet...

BTW, normally I'd call you a dick for not even warning people about spoilers, but I recognize the favor you're doing by saving me financial pain at the box office. [Assuming people will actually see this sucker legally... Laughing But hey, the Chinese did this weekend. But then they're trying to ignore a government which likes to roll them over with tanks or imprison them if they say one thing bad about it, so...]

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and the rest of the paying audience can drown their sorrow in a bottle of cheap whiskey while lighting their Dragon Ball manga collections on fire in front of the 20th Century Fox offices.


I'm guessing it'd be the ones censored by Viz. Twisted Evil

Quote:
There's also Piccolo's unnamed shapeshifting henchwoman, who sometimes shows up long enough to get punched, show off her terrible wig and lose a fight.


Too cheap to pay for a CG Puar, I take it?

Quote:
and then it's over. They hint at a sequel


I hear there's a "bonus" after the credits.

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Earth is basically unrecognizable and looks like the first 5 minutes or so of Bill & Ted's Bogus Journey, the distant future circa 1992.


Except that movie was actually good, huh?

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Kids aren't dumb enough to fall for this.


Some AICN'er said his 9-year old wasn't impressed by the trailers.

Quote:
Chow Yun-Fat does what he can, but even he stumbles over this stuff; the role requires him to behave like a cartoon character and it just comes across as trying way, way too hard.


It would've been easier to get Jackie Chan, since he's used to physical comedy, but that would remind people that he was just in a better DB movie last year called Forbidden Kingdom. Rolling Eyes

Quote:
Fans who do know what the general story is will be furious at just how unbelievably badly they screwed this entire thing up.


I'm not a fan, but here's part of my IMDB rant:

"What bothers me is it didn't *have* to suck. There's tons of *talent* and FX out there to make it succeed! I mean, if this was made 20, or even 10 years ago, yeah, you could blame it for not living up to expectations. But there's no excuse now, other than greed and laziness on the part of the studio. FOX(and Rothman?) exhibited a cynical disregard for the fans, and assumed they'd buy into it, just because they bought into other crappier productions like TF and Fantastic Four. But those flicks at least put some effort into the FX and casting to make you want to see them. With DB: E, it was more about what the execs wanted us to see, rather than the other way around; so, of course it was going to fail! And I honestly can't believe this sucker went through at least five scripts, and this was the only one they could come up with for this project! Christ, the fan-fic writers could adapt a better movie than this turd."

Quote:
Basically everything.


I'm surprised the music survived scrutiny. Laughing

Anyway, I hope these Youtube clips remove the bad taste from your mouth. Can't do anythin' 'bout the liquor, though.


Last edited by GATSU on Mon Mar 16, 2009 6:46 am; edited 1 time in total
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samuelp
Industry Insider


Joined: 25 Nov 2007
Posts: 2228
Location: San Antonio, USA
PostPosted: Mon Mar 16, 2009 6:37 am Reply with quote
So wait, I'm confused... Are you saying that you didn't like it?


But seriously, thank you, Zac. I was actually considering going to see it here in Japan in order to give some people my opinion on it before it was released in the US, but you've clearly saved me $15 and untold amounts of painful agony. I salute your noble sacrifice.

May I ask which theater you saw it in (I presume you're here for TAF?)
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dtm42



Joined: 05 Feb 2008
Posts: 14084
Location: currently stalking my waifu
PostPosted: Mon Mar 16, 2009 6:40 am Reply with quote
I knew it. We were right all along, we had this production sussed months ago.

To all those who demanded that we wait for the trailers before delivering our judgement, and then demanded that we wait until the actual movie when it was discovered how bad the trailers were, well I hope they are wallowing in shame right now. Because I'm shamelessly wallowing in an "I told you so" mood. It's amazing how some people tried so hard to convince themselves that this was going to be in any way shape or form a decent movie.

Don't get me wrong, I didn't want it to be bad. But I refuse to go easy just because of the badge. When will Hollywood learn that you cannot take a great series or game, make an awful movie loosely based on it, stick the name on it and expect anyone to see it, let alone like it? After the disappointment of Final Fantasy: Spirits Within, I had hoped that they had learned their lesson. Obviously the inherent greed in Hollywood has still not been expunged.

Anyway, I cannot help feel a sense of dread for the eventual quality of the other live-action adaptations either in production or scheduled to be so. Cowboy Bebop in particular; so many potential pitfalls, so little money around to overcome them. And perhaps once this movie bombs in North America (which if God truly exists will surely happen), there might not be so much enthusiasm to make more adaptations. I don't know whether to be sad or happy, but I would rather have the source material left alone and respected than have it so bastardised.
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GATSU



Joined: 03 Jan 2002
Posts: 15279
PostPosted: Mon Mar 16, 2009 6:55 am Reply with quote
dtm: Actually, Spirits Within was produced by Square and directed by Sakaguchi himself. I'm guessing that sucked for the same reason, though, which was that he was trying to ape a genre which he had no personal experience in before he started.
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JacobC
ANN Contributor


Joined: 15 Jan 2008
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Location: SoCal
PostPosted: Mon Mar 16, 2009 6:55 am Reply with quote
Awwwww.

I knew this was going to be terrible, but I hoped it would be terrible in a fun way. Apparently it's now terrible in a TERRIBLE way.

Guess I won't go see it after all. I'm not going to say "Hollywood makes everything terrible," but it is true that there are some people out there who should not make films and who should absolutely listen (or give a crap about) the fanbase for the ones they do make. Uwe Boll is despised for a reason: he ruins what everyone else already enjoyed and gives the gaming population a bad name. Now the douche director of this film can join him in the hall of shame.
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LordRedhand



Joined: 04 Feb 2009
Posts: 1472
Location: Middle of Nowhere, Indiana
PostPosted: Mon Mar 16, 2009 6:57 am Reply with quote
For me I'm only passingly familiar with Dragon Ball so in one aspect I don't really care, I just looking for a good story. This review gives me the impression that they focused on the "fluff" parts, i.e. characters/places so on, and not the "crunch" parts, i.e. good story bits.

As to this sentiment of "Will the Cowboy Bebop movie be just as bad?" There is one advantage Cowboy Bebop has over Dragon Ball and that is that it is episodic, so a Cowboy Bebop movie could fit nearly anywhere in the overall presentation of the Cowboy Bebop anime and in some cases isn't anywhere near as confined to the sources storyline.
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packrat



Joined: 09 Mar 2003
Posts: 25
Location: Ohio
PostPosted: Mon Mar 16, 2009 7:21 am Reply with quote
I will be buying this if only for the inevitable Rifftrax of it.
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mrsu



Joined: 09 Aug 2008
Posts: 13
PostPosted: Mon Mar 16, 2009 7:45 am Reply with quote
JesuOtaku wrote:
Awwwww.

I knew this was going to be terrible, but I hoped it would be terrible in a fun way. Apparently it's now terrible in a TERRIBLE way.

Let me introduce you to a little trick:
Combine: You, some of your bros, 1-2 crates of beer, depending on the number of bros present, and this movie -OR any Jason Statham / Vin Diesel movie. Those work, too- and suddenly: It's fun again! Still terrible, but fun.

It's like magic.
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revilenigma



Joined: 11 Sep 2008
Posts: 45
PostPosted: Mon Mar 16, 2009 7:51 am Reply with quote
what a surprise... Did anyone thought this movie was going to be any good?
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rizuchan
Collector Extraordinaire



Joined: 11 Mar 2007
Posts: 974
Location: Kansas
PostPosted: Mon Mar 16, 2009 8:10 am Reply with quote
Wow, I was expecting this movie to suck, but... well, I was one of what Zac called a handful of people that had hope for it. Sad

It looks like my local theatre might not even be carrying this movie anyway. Which is too bad, because I'd have definitely gone to see it at the dollar theatre. Except our dollar theatre is now the 2 dollar theatre thanks to the wonderful US economy, and I'm not sure this movie is going to be worth that, now. Laughing
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Charred Knight



Joined: 29 Sep 2008
Posts: 3085
PostPosted: Mon Mar 16, 2009 8:11 am Reply with quote
dtm42 wrote:
I knew it. We were right all along, we had this production sussed months ago.

To all those who demanded that we wait for the trailers before delivering our judgement, and then demanded that we wait until the actual movie when it was discovered how bad the trailers were, well I hope they are wallowing in shame right now. Because I'm shamelessly wallowing in an "I told you so" mood. It's amazing how some people tried so hard to convince themselves that this was going to be in any way shape or form a decent movie.

Don't get me wrong, I didn't want it to be bad. But I refuse to go easy just because of the badge. When will Hollywood learn that you cannot take a great series or game, make an awful movie loosely based on it, stick the name on it and expect anyone to see it, let alone like it? After the disappointment of Final Fantasy: Spirits Within, I had hoped that they had learned their lesson. Obviously the inherent greed in Hollywood has still not been expunged.

Anyway, I cannot help feel a sense of dread for the eventual quality of the other live-action adaptations either in production or scheduled to be so. Cowboy Bebop in particular; so many potential pitfalls, so little money around to overcome them. And perhaps once this movie bombs in North America (which if God truly exists will surely happen), there might not be so much enthusiasm to make more adaptations. I don't know whether to be sad or happy, but I would rather have the source material left alone and respected than have it so bastardised.


The only way you can tell something will suck is if you at least see the trailer, and even then if the trailer was badly cut the movie might not be as bad as you thought.

But here's the thing did anyone thinks this was going to be good? No, their was clearly no talent involved, and movie studios need to learn that to do a proper adaptation you can't just throw some money at people and hope they don't screw up.
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Electrastar



Joined: 07 Jul 2008
Posts: 25
PostPosted: Mon Mar 16, 2009 8:12 am Reply with quote
Am I surprised it sucks? Not at all. When I saw who they picked to play Goku, a scrawny looking kid who has no business playing a martial artist, I knew it was going to be a big heap of burning trash.

Some things just aren't made to be adapted into live action, and Dragon Ball is one of them... Imagine if they make movies all the way to the Dragon Ball Z storylines....ouch, that's going to be BAD!
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Zin5ki



Joined: 06 Jan 2008
Posts: 6680
Location: London, UK
PostPosted: Mon Mar 16, 2009 8:24 am Reply with quote
Quote:
sample dialogue: “Cheese and rice, my nads got scorched!”

Why 'cheese and rice'? Perhaps this is supposed to sound like the name of a certain religious figure, often uttered as exclamation. Somewhat of a odd substitution if you ask me.
Also, could somebody please translate 'nads' for me? It isn't currently part of my lexicon.
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Takeyo



Joined: 25 Mar 2008
Posts: 736
PostPosted: Mon Mar 16, 2009 8:29 am Reply with quote
"Nads" is a shortened form of "gonads." I don't think anyone really uses it in the U.S. anymore.
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fuuma_monou



Joined: 26 Dec 2005
Posts: 1816
Location: Quezon City, Philippines
PostPosted: Mon Mar 16, 2009 8:30 am Reply with quote
Zin5ki wrote:
Also, could somebody please translate 'nads' for me? It isn't currently part of my lexicon.


Gonads, balls, nuts.
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