This Monster Wants to Eat Me

Episode 12

I'm giving Shiori a B- for effort. After last week's cliffhanger declaration, she does indeed follow through on her promise to properly converse with Hinako. She takes some shortcuts by using her yokai magic to restore Hinako's memory of their first meeting, but I can forgive that. Unfortunately, Hinako is too upset to listen to Shiori's pleas, and doubly unfortunately, Shiori is too impatient to convince her to listen. They talk past each other, going around in rhetorical circles as the rain soaks into their skin.

This was entirely predictable. They need to talk—Miko is correct, as always—but neither of them is equipped to carry a productive conversation. Hinako is a teenager; she wouldn't be receptive to reason in the best of times, but her current longing for death makes Shiori's ambitions look even more Sisyphean. On the other hand, Shiori is wholly unfamiliar with reciprocal communication. She goes into this scene thinking that honesty is all Hinako needs, and when that turns out to be false, she isn't flexible enough to adjust her plan of attack. They are fencers who keep tripping over their own feet before they ever meet at the center of the strip. They are throwing gutter balls when they need to be bowling perfect games.

The main problem at the heart of This Monster Wants to Eat Me is that both girls believe they are fundamentally unlovable. Hinako thinks she is damaged beyond repair, and she cannot even love herself, let alone imagine how another person might do so. Shiori doesn't help this line of thought, either, when she asks Hinako to return to her younger and more cheerful self. It's a cruel request that makes Hinako feel even more inadequate as a person. However, Shiori's fixation on the past is a consequence of her own self-hatred. She believes that only an innocent and naive child could come to love a monster like herself. The rest of the world sees her for what she truly is and rejects her. These girls are, in essence, a perfect match, and that's what makes their courtship so compellingly frustrating to follow.

Sure enough, I heard myself groan when Shiori put her small smile and singsong voice on again. It's a quietly devastating transformation because the audience now understands the “real” Shiori better, so it hurts to see her resign so quickly. Still, we all don masks to escape terrible situations, and for Shiori, this is a return to her comfort zone. She is the monster, and Hinako is her victim. It's simple. It's understandable. It's not laden with complex emotions like regret or self-loathing. In fact, it's not emotional in the slightest. It's a contract, and as long as nobody breaks its terms, then no feelings can be hurt.

Nevertheless, both Shiori and the story recognize that she can't just renew their original promise. They need to up the toxic yuri quotient, and this week, the dial goes to eleven. I felt like an evil little imp watching this, dancing up and down as Shiori gave into her worst impulses. There's all the shirt-grabbing and waist straddling. Shiori argues that a true monster would only kill Hinako at her happiest. She makes Hinako drink her blood again. And given that such a pact is akin to betrothal in the yokai world, she seals the deal by stealing a kiss, biting Hinako's lip as a lasting and seductive reminder of their vows. It is all horrible and hot at the same time. And the irony is that both Shiori and Hinako are now aware that this is all kayfabe. Even if ancient yokai magic compels Shiori to follow through on her awful promise, she is only making it at this moment to stall for time. This is a single band-aid laid on top of a festering and necrotic wound, yet both parties accept these terms with an acquiescent smile.

In the second part of the episode, Miko provides some sorely needed perspective and comic relief. I love her priceless reactions to the realization that Shiori smooched Hinako, but she truly shines when she gives Shiori a dressing down on their walk. Obviously, this was not what Miko had in mind when she told Shiori to speak openly with Hinako. At the same time, though, Miko realizes with hindsight that she should not have expected anything more from the two of them. Shiori and Hinako are both complete messes, and left to their own devices—especially under such fraught circumstances—they were always going to revert to their old habits. This is why the objectively correct solution to everyone's problems is the throuple arrangement. The other two need Miko there to stop them from being constant dumbasses.

Miko's wisdom also comes through in her final trenchant observation of the episode: that Shiori is in the most pain of anyone right now. Hinako has a vested interest in putting up with Shiori's false front, but Miko knows better and has no patience for it. This catches Shiori off guard, and it leads to my second favorite line of the episode, when she wears that pain like a badge of honor because it's something Hinako gave her. Overall, pain is the bonding agent in their current romance. There's the pain of their present mutual repression, the physical pain lingering on Hinako's lips, the emotional pain swallowing up Shiori, and the destined pain of their tragic ending. And thanks to that shared pain, they are closer than ever before. They may still be mostly hopeless, but their toxic truce has bought them both time and the tiny sliver of hope that comes with it.

Incidentally, my favorite line of the episode is “even if someday, I'll be tearing out your intestines…” Delivered immediately after their first kiss, it completes the kind of twisted yuri tableau that I watch This Monster for. Really, my only substantial complaint about this episode is that the adaptation doesn't allow Shiori and Hinako the emotional range to match their actresses' performances. The storyboards are nice, but looser character animation could have gone a long way towards better selling the melodrama. As always, though, Keiji Inai's soundtrack rises to the occasion, takes its gloves off, and packs in plenty of tear-jerking wallops.

I hope you all look forward to Yuri Christmas next week. With one episode remaining after this sea change, I doubt we'll get much of a resolution to everything Shiori and Hinako have going on. However, I have faith that we can enjoy one last toxic yuri treat before the holiday season wraps up.

Rating:

This Monster Wants to Eat Me is currently streaming on Crunchyroll.

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